i love u to the moon n back

thankful

Thankful for those who cared
and thankful for those who caused me pain.

Getting cold down here,
even with everything that I've got with me.
Lately it's hard to see all the positives
when the negatives overshadow everything.

Maybe it's the leaves that are falling
that wanna make me fall with them too.

Thankful for those who laugh
at things that I say
just to either make me feel better
or to just do it because it's speaking truth.

They're the ones who make me feel
as if I make their days better-
as if I make an impact-
whether it'd be big or small,
it's something I'm thankful for.

The days get colder without y'all, though.
No one to make me smile myself.
The leaves' fate is my fate-
fate of falling all alone
even when I'm surrounded by everyone.

Thankful for those who say hi to me everyday-
even to those who I don't even know.
At least they take their time to appreciate me,
and for that I'm thankful
for those who greet me as if it's nothing.

They make me feel better everyday-
helping me to understand that I'm not really a ghost.
At least saying hello to me
is better than looking down at me
or even ignoring me altogether.
For those of you who come with greetings,
I'm thankful for you.

It's weird though
how I'm giving thanks
in a season where,
even if we gather around as a family
and stuff ourselves relentlessly with food,
thankful for stuff and thanking each other,
it's gonna get colder by each day or week,

and I feel like my heart and my inner circle
is getting colder too.

I don't know how or why,
but everything around me
is somehow getting distant.
Maybe it's just me being a teenager-
a teenager feeling like
the world is falling apart already.
Maybe it's my friends
who act as if like nothing matters anymore-
as if I... or even they... don't matter.

Thankful to my family,
who has been there since the beginning,
where even when things got tough,
we made it through and still love each other unconditionally.

Thankful to my friends,
who have stuck by me even with all the crap I put them through.
Even if we don't get along;
even if we end up drowning in our arguments;
even if we aren't always our best selves around each other,
I'm so thankful for them
for teaching me how the world really works
and for all the lessons they teach me,
and they don't even know it.

And somehow,
I'm also thankful for those
who taught me what it felt like
to deal with pain.
All the crap that you put me through
really changed the hell out of me,
but at least the experience made me
a better, more knowledgeable person
than I was before.

I'm not saying that you should've,
but at least something good came out of it.
At least there are pros
to the constant cons in life,
and for that I am grateful.

No matter how cold it gets down here-
no matter how this season
full of fallen, dead leaves,
has made me feel more isolated,
I'm thankful for the things
that help me get back on my feet
to make me feel all warm inside again
instead of drowning in the cold depths
of my fall.

Thankful for whoever loves me.
Thankful for whoever cares and will continue to care.
Thankful for those who hate me.
Thankful for those who have and will hurt me.
Thankful for you, him, her,
God, them, everyone, everything-

even thankful for the future
and the opportunities I have been given
to live out my life,
and whether I feel like it or not sometimes,
I'm truly thankful.

Thank you for everything.