SOPE | Memory

My Past

Hoseok gasped. His eyes were big and confused. Yoongi's lips were soft and warm and welcoming...

But he'd just met him a hour ago. What was Yoongi doing? Was this normal around here? Hoseok stood there, stunned and tense, while Yoongi wrapped his arms around the red-haired boy. Maybe Yoongi was just... unique...

Then why did this all feel so familiar?

Hoseok closed his eyes.

Hobi.

The name brought back memories, if that's what he could call them. When he heard Yoongi say it, it sent a shocking wave of familiarity through him, warming him down to his toes. He remembered a sweet smell and a warm body around him, hugging him tight, making him safe. Happy. He remembered a blissful taste, a heavenly sensation of having someone's lips pressed against his own. A strong hand holding his, keeping him close. Somewhere he belonged.

But never a clear memory, never a visual.

A burning smell. Smoke. Being trapped. Suffocating, screaming, tripping, crying. His eyes stinging. Someone pulling him through the smoke. Blackness...

Hoseok opened his eyes. Something about Yoongi brought back those wisps of his past. Not much, but more than he's had in years. He clung onto them.

Yoongi said he loved Hoseok. Always had. Always would. Did Hoseok know Yoongi? Was Yoongi the person Hoseok was remembering?

Hoseok pulled away.

"Y-Yoongi hyung?" he stammered. He looked into Yoongi's eyes and saw pain and regret... and longing. Love.

"I-I'm so sorry," Yoongi said, pushing Hoseok away from him.

"It's okay, it's just... do... do you um, know me, and were we b-- were we friends?" Hoseok asked, scared by Yoongi's sudden change of mood. The mint haired boy turned around and just stood there. "Y-Yoongi h-hyung? Are you okay?"

"I didn't mean to, Hoseok. I'm sorry." Yoongi's voice was tense. Whatever made him open up earlier was gone.

"It's okay, hyung, can you just tell me if we were friends?" Hoseok pleaded. He wanted to know. He needed to know. He was so close to unlocking a secret from his past, something Dawon and his parents still refused to tell him.

"You can leave," Yoongi said flatly. Hoseok stared at Yoongi's back, surprised and hurt at the bite his his tone. "Hoseok. Leave."

"O-Okay, sorry to bother you, hyung," Hoseok said softly before walking out and closing the door gently. He walked back downstairs, really confused and anxious to talk to Dawon. He kept touching his lips. They felt warm. The warmth was familiar but distant. So distant...

As soon as Hoseok closed the door, Yoongi collapsed onto the floor, tears streaming down his face. He couldn't help it. It hurt him to the core to know that he would have to see his precious boy every day at school. It hurt that Hoseok was so close to Yoongi, that his own rules for himself kept him away. It hurt that Hoseok could get hurt again, that Yoongi knew his self control wasn't strong. That Hoseok was bound to ask questions, and questions led to answers. Answers led to the past, and the past led to Yoongi being selfish. Yoongi claiming Hoseok. Yoongi hurting Hoseok. It hurt so much...

When he heard the front door opening, cheerful goodbyes, and the door closing again, he stayed kneeling on the floor, crying and punching his knee.

When he heard Jimin coming up the stairs, he wiped his face with the hem of his t-shirt and stood up. He would do whatever it took to protect Hoseok, even if it meant hammering at his own heart until it shattered, until he broke. As long as it kept Hoseok safe and happy.

Jimin knocked.

"Hyung! Can you believe school starts soon? You'll get to see Hoseok every day, that's not fair! I want to see him every day! Oh wait, I can, I can go have playdates, right? Hyung?" came Jimin's cute voice.

Yoongi grimaced and put on his best I'm-totally-fine voice.

"Yeah, I guess I'll see him a lot. So will you!"

"Yay! I'm going to go play video games. Wanna play?" Jimin asked hopefully.

"Sure, why not?" Yoongi forced a smile as he opened the door and followed a very happy Jimin to the console.

20 minutes later, Yoongi was groaning again when Jimin announced he had added Hoseok's gamer ID to their friends list.

30 minutes later, Yoongi was sitting in his room listening to Jimin shouting at the screen at Hoseok's avatar, who apparently had all the legendary skins and the "Bestest bestest weapons that even Jungkook doesn't have!"

Right across the street, a very confused Hoseok was grinning at his computer screen, watching chimmychimchim95 jump around an obstacle course on a blue horse. His grin wasn't as wide as it usually was when he was happy, though. As soon as he had logged on, yoongzzz37 had disappeared from the course.

I used to know Yoongi hyung, right? He can tell me about things I've forgotten, right? Why did he kiss me...? Is he the boy I thought about? Does he really love me? Is he the key to my past?

Hoseok logged off when chimmychimchim95 left to go battle someone after typing in "THANKSTHANKSTHANKS" when Hoseok gave him a new skin.

He sighed and sat down on his bed, thinking hard and trying to remember.

Yoongi hyung...

You know about my past, don't you?

You know me.

I think I knew you before.

You have a key to my past...

Or...

Are you my past?