SOPE | Memory

Please

Dawon made herself walk away from Hoseok's door with loud footsteps. They'd both be stressed if they knew she was listening in on their conversation.

As soon as Yoongi heard footsteps padding away from the door, he dropped to his knees.

"I'm so sorry Hoseok, this shouldn't have happened, I'm the one with headaches..." he muttered, then hesitated and looked at Hoseok.

His heart wrenched when he saw the sixteen year old curled up in a ball, hands pressed to his temples just like Yoongi did when he had a headache. Except Hoseok was obviously in a lot more pain than Yoongi had been earlier. His red hair clung to his neck and forehead with sweat, and his shirt was soaked through. Tears slid down his cheeks, glistening in the moonlight. He was shaking and moaning with excruciating pain. Yoongi felt a stab in his chest to see him in so much pain, to see him so weak.

"H-Hoseok, are you okay? Do you want Dawon noona?" he asked gently, scooting forward. He had promises with himself, but Hoseok was lying in front of him, crying with pain. He could make exceptions.

"Make it go away," Hoseok whispered, his voice hoarse. He flinched and yelped.

"Hoseok, does it hurt to talk?" Yoongi asked, moving closer until he was sitting right next to the bed. Hoseok nodded.

"Can you tell me what you feel?"

"L-Like someone is s-stabbing my h-head a-and my stomach h-hurts and it hurts t-to b-breathe and t-talk, l-like somebody is b-burning me up-p," Hoseok managed, wheezing between words.

"I-- that's my fault. I can't make you hurt more, Hoseok. Why did you get me? I'll just end up hurting you more, and that's the last thing I want to do," Yoongi said softly as tears started welling up in his own eyes. He'd caused Hoseok pain by trying to do exactly the opposite of that. How was he ever going to help him?

"B-Because he saved me instead of r-running."

Yoongi tilted his head.

"What? Who saved you from what?"

Hoseok stilled for a moment.

"It was y-you r-right? I think it w-was you," Hoseok said, his whisper growing steadier as he latched onto a solid thought. "You saved me from the fire."

Yoongi's chest seized and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

"Hoseokie, I didn't save you, don't you see? It's all my fault that you can't remember anything," he mumbled. When he opened his eyes, Hoseok's eyes were open too. His beautiful brown eyes were stricken with pain.

"You saved me. I dreamed. Y-You didn't run by yourself, you helped me. From the table. And then I-- and then it was all black. And it was too hot. I'm hot right now," Hoseok whispered, fighting to keep his eyes open.

Yoongi gently put a hand on Hoseok's forehead. Hoseok whimpered. Yoongi's eyes widened. Hoseok's forehead was really hot.

"I think you have a fever," he said. "I'm getting Dawon."

"N-No, please," Hoseok whimpered again. "I don't want her right now."

"Hoseok, what do you want?"

Hoseok thought for a moment, trying to clear the pain. He realized with startling clarity what he wanted.

"I want to remember," he said, looking into Yoongi's eyes. Yoongi didn't look away. Hoseok saw pain in Yoongi's eyes too, but he also saw longing and care. "I want to remember you, and me, and all my friends, and everything. I want to remember what made you kiss me today."

Yoongi finally looked away, eyes misting over.

"Hoseok, I made you forget. It's my fault. I can't help you remember, I don't know how. I'm not a doctor, and I'm not a good person either. I hurt you and... I'm so sorry, Hoseok. I didn't mean to hurt you, I really didn't mean to. It's just that... it was an accident, I didn't mean to get mad..."

"You can tell me."

Yoongi looked up.

"What?"

"You can tell me all about you and me, and my friends and my past. That's what hurts the most. It's the part that's not there. I can't remember more than half of my life, hyung. That hurts. I see it in your eyes that you know me, but it hurts you to see me. Did I do something bad to you?" Hoseok shut his eyes again.

"I, no, Hoseok, you never hurt me! You could never hurt anybody, anything. You're an angel, and I never deserved you. You gave me more than I could have ever offered back, and you were still happy. I took everything for granted. I shouldn't have, I'm so sorry, Hoseok."

Hoseok shook his head.

"But if you're sorry, why can't you help me remember?"

"Because I don't want to hurt you again."

"Please, hyung, everything hurts too much. Please, make it go away, please. Make the fire go away."

Yoongi stiffened.

"Fire? Oh my God, Hoseok. You don't want me here, trust me. I'll get your sister."