SOPE | Memory

Just Dance

After dinner, Hoseok peppered Dawon with questions about Yoongi, but she never answered any. Hoseok grew frustrated when she gave the same answer over and over.

"Noona, do I know him or not?" he asked. He was sitting on Dawon's bed. His sister was at her desk, her back facing him.

"Ask him. It's his choice if he wants to tell or not," she said. But her voice wasn't strong. At least, not as strong as it usually was when she said no.

"Please! I'm sixteen! I'm strong enough to deal with my past!" Hoseok pleaded. Dawon shook her head.

"I said, ask him," she said firmly.

"You saw him somewhere before lunch, didn't you? When you went to the store? He told you not to tell me. That's why you don't sound like you really mean it," Hoseok replied, running a hand through his red hair in frustration.

Dawon hesitated before replying.

"Maybe I did. But it's still his choice if he wants to tell you," she said. Then, in a gentler voice, "Hoseokie, I think he's been through a lot of pain. I think it hurts for him to see you now, because you remind him of his past."

Hoseok's shoulders slumped.

"How am I ever going to get him to talk if it hurts to see me? I don't want somebody to hurt just because they see me. That's not fair..." he trailed off. "Did I hurt him before?"

"No, no, no, no, of course not!" Dawon said quickly. "Hoseok, you literally can't hurt a flea!"

"Then why does it hurt him?" Hoseok's voice sounded vulnerable and childish to him. Maybe his sister was right. Maybe he wasn't strong enough to deal with whatever erased twelve years of memories from his mind.

"It's because he cares about you, Hoseokie. He cares about you a lot," Dawon said softly. Hoseok thought for a moment. Was it weird to say that a new neighbor had kissed him? But it was worth it, if it got him answers. Right?

He took a deep breath, then blurted, "He kissed me."

Dawon turned around and stared at Hoseok.

"He-- he kissed you?" she didn't sound as surprised as Hoseok would have thought.

He nodded.

"Tell me, please."

Dawon sighed.

"Hoseokie... Yoongi and you were... friends. Good friends. He's convinced that he hurt you." she turned back around.

Hoseok sat there, thoughts tumbling around his mind. He was closer to his past than he had ever been. But nothing made sense.

"But how come I never saw him after... after I woke up?" he asked.

"He thought it was safer for you if he left. He... look, Hoseokie. He put himself through a lot of pain to try and keep you happy. I'm not going to ruin all his efforts. You can ask him to tell you."

"But--" Hoseok began.

"No buts," Dawon interrupted. "Hoseok, this really isn't my business. I'm not going to interfere. I don't mean to hurt you, but you have a lot more to understand before you can really get why he doesn't want to talk to you."

"Then why can't you tell me anything?"

"Hoseok! Stop arguing with me! Please. Leave," Dawon said sharply. Hoseok stood up abruptly and quickly walked back to his room. Tears pricked at his eyes. Dawon didn't normally raise her voice at all.

"Maybe she's right. I'm sixteen years old and I still cry," he muttered.

"Hoseok! Appa finished putting up the mirrors on the wall!" came their mom's voice from downstairs. She was oblivious to what was happening upstairs. "Dance room done!"

Hoseok sighed in relief and ran downstairs to the room. They'd picked this house because it was big and roomy, but also because it had two extra rooms. One was for Dawon as a design studio, and the other was converted into a wood-floored dance room with floor to ceiling mirrors.

"Kamsahamnida!" Hoseok said gratefully, bowing to his dad multiple times. "You could have made me put them up, you know."

His dad laughed and ruffled his hair.

"Hoseokie, I'm your dad. It's my job to keep you happy. You've bowed enough times, you can stop."

"Okay, thanks so much!" Hoseok said, giving his dad a hug. The man nodded and then left, carrying a moving box. Hoseok turned and inspected the room. A smooth wood floor, but not slippery. The new mirrors were shiny and crystal clear. The lights bathed the room in a warm white light.

Hoseok put on dance shoes and closed the door. Unexpectedly, he started crying again. He wished so badly that somebody would tell him about his past. Just one little fact, one little piece to put back in the hole in his memory. That would be enough.

He wiped his tears away and stood up, looking at himself in the mirror. Then he did the one thing that took his mind off his problems. The one thing he never got mad at. The one thing that was always there for him. Besides his family, this was the only thing Hoseok could remember from when he was four years old, then five, six, seven...

Hoseok smiled.

Then he danced.

When he went to bed that night, he was a little sweaty, but he didn't mind. He was mostly happy. 

The dreams started that night.