SOPE | Memory

I Must Seem so Weak

"Hoseok," Namjoon called. Hoseok looked up from his locker and smiled halfheartedly. Namjoon frowned. "What happened? Why are you upset?" He started walking towards his friend. 

"I'm not," Hoseok said, turning back to his locker.

"No, you're upset. I can tell, Hoseok," Namjoon persisted, leaning on the locker next to Hoseok and ignoring the three girls giggling at them. "You normally smile all the way and wave and shout and... where's Yoongi?"

Hoseok shut his locker quickly and turned away.

"Hoseok?"

"Maybe we need a break from each other. Maybe, Namjoon. Sorry to bother you," Hoseok said flatly and walked down the hall. Namjoon stared after him.

"Crap. That's not good," he said to himself.

"Watch your language," came a familiar voice.

"Sorry hyung," Namjoon muttered. "Have you seen Yoongi?"

"Oh. Uh, yeah. He's... mad."

"Something happened."

"I can tell," Jin said sarcastically. Namjoon scowled.

"Hoseok is upset. He didn't really smile and he got angry."

"Oh God. Hoseok? Got angry? That's seriously not good. This is bad."

"I know that," Namjoon said, mimicking Jin's tone from earlier. The warning bell rang and kids rushed through the hall. He sighed.

"Talk at lunch. I've got Hoseok, you get Yoongi. Maybe don't let them sit together?" Jin said in a hurry. Namjoon nodded and they both walked quickly to their classes.They decided not to talk to either boy during their classes. To give them time to think.

At lunch, Namjoon scanned the packed cafeteria for a flash of dark red hair. He felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Hey, sorry for snapping earlier."

"Hoseok! I was looking for you," Namjoon said, relieved. He had thought Hoseok might have left to eat somewhere else. "Come on."

"I don't want to eat."

"You have to."

"No, there's no reason to."

"What happened?" Namjoon led Hoseok to their usual table and pushed Hoseok onto a chair.

"Nothing," Hoseok muttered.

"Talk, Hoseok. Yoongi won't sit here. Jin's got him," Namjoon said calmly, sitting across from his friend.

Hoseok frowned.

"Why?"

"Because you're upset and he's upset, with each other I'm assuming. Spill."

"I'm sorry, Namjoon. I don't want to talk. I'm confused and angry and... sorry."

"It's okay," Namjoon said gently. "Don't be sorry. I'm sorry for pushing it. Let's go somewhere else quieter. Library?"

Hoseok nodded and followed Namjoon out of the noisy cafeteria. In the quiet of the hallway, he found himself breaking down.

"Are you okay?" Namjoon asked, holding out a hand to steady Hoseok. The boy shook his head.

"I..."

Namjoon watched in surprise as his friend broke down into tears.

"Hoseok!"

"I didn't.... Sorry..."

On the way to the bathroom, Namjoon put an arm around Hoseok and Hoseok spilled everything because maybe it hurt too much to keep it all to himself...

When he was done, Namjoon wiped his face. Hoseok laughed suddenly, staring at his red face in the mirror.

"I'm sorry, Namjoon. I must seem so weak."

"No no no, you're the strongest friend ever," Namjoon said quickly, catching himself before he added and Yoongi. "It's okay. You've been through a lot. Promise me you'll eat something later."

Hoseok smiled weakly.

"I can't promise, but I promise I'll try. Thanks, Namjoonie. You and Jin are so loyal... You're here for me-- uh, for me and Yoon-- Yoongi, and I was blind to not see that and appreciate it. God, I'm blind in everything. Everything."

Hoseok paused and turned the word over in his head. Everything. Yoongi had meant everything to him at some point. Then everything had been taken away. His next everything was dance, then that got taken away partially too when he's stopped eating. Everything. Everything. Everything. Love was everything, pain was everything. Yoongi was everything, Dawon was everything.

Hoseok shook his head at himself. Yoongi was not everything. He had been long ago, but that wasn't the present anymore.

"No, Hoseok. No. Don't say that. Please," Namjoon said, breaking Hoseok out of his thoughts.

"Sorry. Sorry, Namjoon. You're younger than me, I should be a hyung, I--"

"Shush! Hoseok, you're amazing. Please, calm down. I can take care of you too. That's what friends are for. Shh. Wipe off your face again and let's go get some food."

Hoseok nodded and smiled gratefully.