Thunderstorms

Be Cruel To Me

Alex's POV:

I was trying hard to keep things going, I really was, but distance was a bitch, and time kept passing Maia and me by, without anything we could do to save each other. My calls to her had become more and more infrequent as months dragged by, and whenever we talked, one of us would be reproaching the others' actions. In the very beginning, our conversations would be filled with "I miss you" or "I love you", then it had all gone downhill. The pressure of the tour was also wearing on me, and it wasn't helping me in trying to control my alcohol or cigarette abuse. The lads noticed it, but they knew it was impossible to change my mind, as much as they wanted to see me doing alright. There was a heavy load on my shoulders, and it was the fact that I was anticipating my break up with Maia, no matter how much we could prevent it. I felt like I was already mourning about it, but what scared me to the core, was the future heartbreak I was going to experience.

It wasn't like I didn't want her around anymore, on the contrary, I needed her desperately, but I knew I couldn't have her. I knew she was starting to suffer the craziness surrounding my life, and I'd promised myself I would never let that get to her. She didn't deserve that, she was fit for so much more... someone so much better than me, better than anything I could offer her. I wasn't going to drag her down with me, I couldn't... I'm not doing that to her. Even though I wanted her more than anything in this world, I had to put my selfishness aside, and let her move on to a better life, a life in which she wouldn't have to be constantly worrying about my sorry ass.

"Alex, Maia will be here at any minute, do you really want her to see you like this, mate?" Matt asked, watching as I took another gulp from my drink. We had just finished playing another sold out stadium in the States, and I had invited Maia over to an after party that was supposed to go down, with the hopes of seeing each other again and resurrecting our old spark. Of course, that had been planned with months before hand, and I'd never expected to be in such a poor state as I was right now.

"I don't care, Matt" I blurted.

"Really?" He scoffed. "I can't believe you, Alex. Your girlfriend is flying out to meet you, she's probably dying to see you again, and all you can do is drink away your fucking problems"

"Sorry, Dad" I muttered, not even caring to look at Matt. I felt him sighing behind me, and I knew he'd got to be fed up with me.

"I thought you loved her more than anything in this world, mate"

"I do" I answered, without a doubt in my body.

"Then why do you keep doing this to yourself? She's yours, Alex, don't throw it all away!"

"I can't keep doing this to her, Matt" I whispered, staring down at the floor, yearning to have Maia in my arms again, but knowing that it was never going to be the same as before. "She deserves so much better"

"That's what you think, mate" Matt encouraged. "That's because you've never considered yourself enough, but she did, Alex! For fuck's sake, to Maia, you're more than just enough"

"Oh, yeah? And how do you know?" I ironically said. "Did she tell you about it? Are you best friends or something?"

"You're un-fucking-believable, Alex" Matt hissed. "I know it because I've seen it, because I've known you for years now, and I don't think I've ever seen a happier couple than you two" He huffed, resting his hands on his waist. "You know what? It's getting late, I need to get dressed for the party. It's useless trying to make you open your eyes" Matt declared, walking up towards the door of my hotel room and stopping just before he opened it. "If you want to keep being a depressive cunt, then knock yourself out, mate, but don't get Maia into this. Don't hurt her... she would never do that to you" Matt walked out the room, shutting my door as he left. I remained sitting there like an idiot, processing his words. I was fucking up things with my girlfriend, I was fucking up things with one of my best mates, and I couldn't help but wonder how many more things was I about to fuck up as well. So, as a way to ease my mind from all my worries, I found nothing better to do but to keep on sipping from my drink, until my vision went blurry.