Ecdysiast || PJM 🔞

Chapter 7: Not What You Think I Am

Lee Jiwon's POV

"Use FOIL method with that, Dawon," I told my brother as I watched him answer his math homework while eating ice cream at the same time. We always do this especially when I help him with math. I find this technique effective as from when my mother was still alive, even if I was given a brain of a scholar, I still have my weakness and that is Mathematics. She would help me with my homeworks and whenever I needed to review. She would also buy me comfort foods especially ice cream to motivate me on my studies.

Without mom, I still want to let Dawon feel as if our mom is here with us that's why I'm doing this to him.

I miss our mother so much. I long for her warm hugs and kisses, the very delicious meals that she prepares for us, her sweet voice waking me up every morning, and when she's singing while cooking. If only I could bring her back to life in exchange for something, I will, because her smile gives me hope whenever I feel down. If only I could bring back time and tell her how much I love her and how much happy and thankful I am to have her as my mother. I wanted to give her a hug at least before she died but I wasn't able to.

That very cold and rainy afternoon, I was rushing my way home because I get to see her again and because it was only half day at school. I was expecting to see my mom cooking happily but as I entered, I saw her sitting on the couch, all sweaty and messy. At first I thought she was just probably tired because of household chores so I came to her to wake her up but as soon as I laid my eyes on her face, it was colorless. Her natural glow was missing, the pinkish tint of her lips was missing. My heart started to pound in nervousness, not believing what my mind is concluding.

I tapped her cheeks, the warm tears of mine already flowing like river. I checked her pulse, my hands were shaking in fear of losing her. I gasped, finding none and broke into a loud cry, mourning for my mother's death. Dawon just learned about our mom's death after I picked him up and went straight to the hospital after he was dismissed at three in the afternoon.

"Noona? Why are you crying? Shouldn't I be the one to cry because of my homework?" Dawon asked. I touched my cheeks and felt that it was indeed wet with my tears. I have cried unconciously again because of my longing for our mother. If only she's here. "I just missed Eomma," I told my brother. Dawon gives me a tight hug. "Me too."

I chuckled and gave my little brother's cheek a kiss. He immediately pulled away, cringing. "Noona! Don't do that! I'm not a baby anymore."

"Yes, you are. You're noona's baby no matter what. Hear me? Even if you get married, you will always me my baby!" I teased him. He gave me an exasperated look which I found really cute. "Fine, fine. I'll stop. Just do your homework. Remember to use FOIL method when it's two terms, and if it looks the same but with different signs then use the Sum and Difference of Binomial," I told my brother before standing up to start and cook our dinner for tonight. I decided to cook an easy dish for today which is just simply Stir Fried Beef, Gamja-jeon and rice with some other side dishes here at home.

Since I have to maintain my figure, I only fed myself two pieces of Gamja-jeon and some beef as my dinner then I drank a lot of water to make myself full.

I silently watched my brother eat and enjoy our food. Us, together, is enough for me to be happy. Seeing him grow as a very lovely boy makes me so much happy. If our mother is just here with us, I'm sure, just like me, she'll be also happy to see Dawon grow up as a responsible boy. He may not be as smart as I am, but he still tries his best to study hard because he wishes to give the both of us a happy life in the future and that I'll stop working for the both of us.