Ecdysiast || PJM 🔞

Chapter 9: Give Up

Lee Jiwon's POV

He can't like me. If he learns that I am not what he thinks that I am, then probably, he will stop. I have decided to change the way I look going to school. Instead of wearing my glasses, I put on my contact lenses and apply make up on my face. Not too dark, but enough to make me look similar to Iris. I can't tell him directly who I am, but I hope and I think this new look can make him say that I look like someone.

The usual look that I have is pretty far from how I look now as I stare at my reflection on the mirror. I usually don't apply make up but now I have a tint applied on my lips and cheeks. I fixed my eyebrows a little, making it slightly darker. I also applied a little eyeshadow on my crease and instead of using my cologne, I used my perfume that smells of vanilla.

Coming out of my room, I sighed and held the strap of my bag tightly. I hope this works. If not for our project, avoiding Jimin at this moment can be easy. Just two more days, Jiwon; Two more days with Jimin and you can finally start to avoid him, even his presence.

The heels of my shoes clicked on the tiled floor as I walked my way out. The door scritched a sound as I opened it, I flinched in surprise after seeing his figure standing before me with his hands inside the pocket of his jeans. "What are you doing here?" I asked sternly, composing my once startled self into a serious manner ㅡ my eyes speaking of coldness and unwantedness of his presence.

"Picking you up," he shrugged  His tone of voice and act seemed as if nothing ever happened between us, as if nothing has changed from how I treat him and as if I didn't reject him.

"You don't have to." Closing the door, making sure that it was locked, I held the knob tightly and closed my eyes in frustration. I never wanted us to be like this. I never wanted him to like me and I never even thought of him liking me from the very beginning. I mean, I look like a nerd for everyone else and Jimin is a famous fuckboi, how can he ever like me?

I ignored his presence as he still followed me on my way until I passed along his expensive car. "Jiwon!" He called but I ignored him, proceeding my way on the bus stop. He tried driving slowly, pacing along with my speed but I continued to ignore him. I wore my earphones and set the volume high, loud enough for me to not hear his call for my name.

Jimin, just please give up before I completely hurt you.

I guess he has grown tired of getting ignored. I saw his car zoom away from me, making me heave a sigh of relief. I stepped my feet on the bus stop and hid myself in my black hoodie just as soon as the rain started to pour. The bus arrived in no time and all the waiting passengers entered and found their spot inside the bus. I took my spot at the very end beside the window and followed the drops of water sliding down the window, my mind clouding of thoughts about who I am.

I am Jiwon, but I am also Iris. I can never ever remove Iris from being a part of me because Iris has helped me a lot. Iris taught me of being an independent and courageous woman and Iris helped me in pursuing in life, getting money, and working my body off for Dawon. Without having myself as Iris at night, will we be able to survive in this cruel world? I am proud of myself, proud of being a strong woman, but having the title as a 'stripper' ㅡ worse is 'the best selling stripper' ㅡ in a club will never be something I can be proud of. A stripper. That's who I am. And being a stripper to people's eyes already means that you are filthy. Jimin is probably one of them. If he finds out that I am Iris, a stripper, can he ever accept me and believe me of being pure? Can he ever see me as a girl that has worth? Will he ever love me without the thought of me being a stripper? I doubt. No one can ever accept me, maybe even Dawon.

I don't deserve his feelings. Knowing him for a month is enough for me to know that he is a very nice person. In addition to that is he came from a wealthy and known family. If they find out that Jimin is dating a stripper, what will they think? If I become a member of their family, I am a disgrace and also will Jimin be if we end up together. He doesn't deserve that. He deserves a more decent woman to be his girlfriend. A woman who he can be proud of during the day and especially during the night.