Ecdysiast || PJM 🔞

Chapter 40: Fuck Me, Heal Me (M)

Lee Jiwon's POV

I visit the doctor once or twice a month for my therapy since I was diagnosed with depression. Jimin always takes me to the hospital with every check up that I have. I told him that he didn't really have to take me there because we have a driver but he always insisted on bringing me there. He also said that it is also a great time for us to spend the whole day together.

After every appointment with my doctor, we would always have a date, be it eating at a restaurant or visiting different places.

Since that day when Chanyeol and I had a talk, I've never heard of him again but I do understand that he wants to be away from me to heal his broken heart.

That will forever haunt me ㅡ the guilt of my wrong decisions ㅡ but knowing that those people that I've hurt forgave me, I could say that I am slowly starting to forgive myself too.

Forgiving isn't easy especially when what you did or what someone did to you was horrible and that you or they don't even deserved it. In my case, I hurt two nice people at once just because of my love for Dawon. I can't blame my brother though because he has nothing to do with those decisions that I made in the first place.

Those mistakes were made because of myself. I was the one to decide on what to do. He had no idea about it. Jimin was also right, I should've came to him when I was so down. I felt like I didn't trust him enough but I just didn't really want to be a burden for him anymore.

I can say that I'm happy again. Jimin just never fails to make feel special everytime that we are together. He never changed. The way he treats me is the same as when he was just courting me. He would always express how much he loves me and how much wonderful I am as a person but to be honest, he is the most wonderful person that I've ever met.

Another thing is my relationship with my own father. I guess we're improving because each day that passes, I'm slowly learning to forgive him. Everyday, he would cook breakfast for me, he would buy me things and stuff when we have time or he has the time ㅡ he is spoiling me like when I was a kid but it just also means that now, I have my old life back even if my mother is not around anymore.

"Good morning, Doc," I greeted her as I entered her clinic. It's my fifth session with her. She had always given me a lot of advices and she tells me inspirational stories which was a method to awaken that hope that I was trying to bury or that I buried.

It has been a while since I was diagnosed with this. As usual, the doctor will ask me questions about life and about the nightmares that I was recently having.

Even in my sleep, I was crying because each dream contains the people that I love leaving me again. They were leaving me because of that mistake that I made. I really felt like a cheap slut ㅡ using my body for profit.

"When was the last time you had 'that' kind of dream?" She asked while writing on her paper.

"Probably a week ago? I think I've never had any these past few days." I informed and it caused her to smile. "That is nice to hear, Jiwon."

After my session with her, I went straight inside Dawon's room where he was still resting since the doctors are still observing the reaction of his body with the new bone marrow from our father that was transferred to him.

He had his transplant last month and so far, he has improved a lot more than his chemotherapy sessions. Gosh, I really missed my bratty baby brother and I can't wait for us to have a family bonding outside the hospital.

"Morning," I happily greeted him, placing a kiss on his bald head.

He looked at me in disgust. "Puh-lease noona, stop! I'm not a baby anymore!" He complained, earning a giggle from me. If he would be a girl, he might be more sassy than I am.