The Gang Leader Wants Me

Chapter Twenty Six

Listen to let me bleed- Lil Peep.

so my updates are slow, I know. I am sorry but I hope you enjoy this, comment and vote if you do. I'm trying to complete this book now.

I have always hated the smell of hospitals, its confronting and smells of death. How can you do this to someone you supposedly love? Well, love is blind, deaf and f**king dumb. I stare at the wall in front of me, everything is dead silent its awful. All I can do is think and panic. In the end I reckon being numb and acting like you don't give a shit is what's best.

We still aren't allowed in the room, thus panicking my mother tremendously. I blame myself for this. Who am I kidding? No one ever really likes me. They fake it to either make a joke out of it or get to my family. This means that Ruby knew, she knew and they were all pretending to be my friend. Max. Tyler. They never cared. I thought I had real friends but they were just pretending so they could do such an awful thing to my father. I feel more used than I have ever been.

Nick sits down next to me, we look at each other. We don't smile, we don't blink we just embrace each other. "Mrs Lacuna," Nick and I pull back and look at the nurse who's holding some folders in her hand.

My mother stands and walks over towards her, a few whispers are shared then mum walks off with her in the direction dads room is. I let out a deep sigh and shake my head. After a few minutes, mum comes back out with a smile on her face. "Cmon kids, lets go see dad," we all stand up with excitement. Yes, Brock is here too. When we walk into the room, it saddens me to see how weak and in pain he looks. I've never seen him this way before. His eyes are barely open and he gives a soft smile to us all. Mum stands next to him and kisses his cheek softly.

Nick and Brock start talking to him, his replies are slow and raspy. I can't find it in me to say anything yet, this is all of my fault. I did this to him. I shake my head and run out of the room, hot tears running down my cheeks. I hear someone following behind me, they grab my wrist making me stop. "Faye, what's wrong?" I hear Nick ask.

For a moment I stay silent, "this is my fault. If I hadn't of dated him and let him and let them in then none of this would have happened. Dad wouldn't have been shot and I wouldn't have fallen in love with such a horrible human being. He didn't care when he did it! Did you see his face? There was nothing. I stood there, crying and not even an ounce of sadness was shown on his face. He told me he loved me but how can you hurt someone you love? Why would you do that? Why would you hurt the people they love? Now, dad is here in this position. He almost died! And it would have been all of my fault because I let this stupid boy into my life. I trusted him and let him into our home and he just did that!" I exclaim. The tears are falling, one by one and they don't seem to stop. He reaches out and embraces me, he doesn't say anything he just embraces me. "I almost killed our dad. I almost killed my dad."

"Stop it. You did not almost kill dad. This is not your fault, it's not your fault that you trusted him and loved him. You didn't know he would do something like this, none of us did. It was a shock to all of us so stop blaming yourself, stop feeling sorry for yourself and get in there and support dad. He needs us, he needs you," Nick firmly replies. I nod and we both walk back in the room. Straight away I walk to dad and give him a light hug, he looks up at me and smiles softly.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," I cry softly. I hate seeing him like this, I despise it.

"It's... not your fault," he whispers out to me.

"I love you," I say solemnly.

And he says it back, "I love you too sweetie."
~~

I sit on my bed, staring down at my intertwined hands. It's 3am and I cant seem to sleep, dad is still in the hospital, mum's with him and Brock and Nick... I don't know where they are, so it's just me. Thinking about everything. I never had real friends, they all lied to get to dad and in the end Chad was right. I dont really get happiness, I dont really get real friendships and I certainly don't get love. So who will be laughing now? Chad.

The doorbell rings, again its 3am so you would see why I dont want to answer the door. It could be Jake. He probably knows that I am the only one home because he is probably stalking me. The cops aren't involved, Titus says its 'old' issues that they need to deal with. I know they are all looking for Jake. I stand up and go downstairs to answer the door, I open it and it isn't Jake. It's the person who I least expected. Chad. We both awkwardly stand there until he clears his throat, making me open my mouth to talk.

"What is it that you want? Nick isn't here."

"I know he isn't. I came to see you," he responds. He hasn't made a snarky comment yet, surprising me. I take a step back and open the door wider for him to come in, I'm surprised we are both acting civil so far.

"Why did you come to see me?" I ask once we are both seated in the lounge room. He looks around, clearly feeling awkward as sh*t and he sighs.

"I'm sorry that you have to deal with all of this. I'm sorry that the guy you loved turned out to be a psychotic killer. I know it must suck and I am sorry that your friends were in on it too. I'm also sorry for bringing it up now, I also mean this in the most sincere way possible. I am just sorry for the way I treated you, I was immature and that isn excusable for the way I acted but I do hope it's a start."

"Why now?" I ask, feeling bewildered after all of these apologies that are most likely fake. He will probably end up leaving with his final words being 'sorry I was dared to do all of that. I am not actually sorry, I really dont care at all. Haha.' I glare at him, "if this is some kind of sick joke then just leave right now."

"I know it is hard for you to believe that I actually mean everything I'm saying, but trust me, I do. Im tired of this, the constant fighting and bullying from my behalf. I know that it will take more than an apology for you to forgive me, but I really hope you do one day. I will make it up to you in any way I can," I sit there. Everything that has happened lately is too much for me to take in, so I just nod at him.

"You're right. An apology doesn't just fix all of this mental torment but maybe you can make it up to me. Another time though, I'm tired and need to sleep so you need to leave," he stands, so I stand which makes me feel less vulnerable. I'm shocked when he pulls me in for a hug I really did not want. Then he leaves, which I'm happy with. But I am also sorta happy he came and apologised. But what if this is all some big prank in the end, then the jokes on me and I will hate myself for believing stupid boys and trying to trust people. I am tired of getting hurt constantly. All I feel is the pain and it never leaves, sometimes it disappears for a few hours; but it always comes back, haunting me and staying with me in my dreams. There is no escape from this torment. In a year will I be this way?

As I drag my tiresome feet up the stairs all I kept thinking over and over again was.

I cant take this. I cant take this anymore. My heart cant take any of this anymore. My heart cant take any of this.

But in the end, I still went to bed. Resting for another useless day.