Deewangi

31

Ayesha:

Din kisi kam'raftar kachwe ki chaal ki si manind guzar rhe thay aik aik din mjhpr aik aik saal jtna dardbhara aur kathin mehsus hota tha. Iddat mai guzare jane wale inhi mushkil dino mai hi achanak meri tabyat khrab hone lagi. Kamzori is hadh tk barh gyi thi ke chalne phirne se mai qasir,zameen pr rengte huay jati thi. Is qadar lachari thi ke apni halat ko kosne pr mjbur aur bebas thi. Ankhon main ansoo ke bjaye khoon ter rha tha, dimagh kisi soorat uss hadse ko qabool krne ko tyyar nahi tha. Us din ke baad se mjhe zoyaan ne dubara apni shakal nahi dikhayi , uss ne kaha tha ke wo mera intezar krega chahe ye intezar uski maut tk hi kiun na lmba hojaye.

Farooq ke inteqal ko ab do mahine aur pandra din guzar chuke thay, tabyat main din ba'din susti aur bechaini arahi thi. Khana zaban ko blkl bemaza peekha maloom hota tha. Aur jo bhi kha pati wo qay main ho kr nikal jata tha. Mjhe shak tha ke kaheen ye alamat pregnancy ki na haun. Lekin main mjboor thi, ghar pr akeli hone ki wjah se mai test ke liye nahi ja skti thi. Maine socha ab apni ammi ko phone krke sb btadena chahye.
Farooq se shadi krne pr mere ghar wale mjhse behadh naraz thay. Shaadi ko ek saal hone ko araha tha lekin mere naseeb main inka aur sath nahi lkha tha, lihaza ab maine faisla krlya tha ke ammi abbu ko sb bta du. Ye ke unki beti khush thi, lekin ab uski khushyan achanak se chinn gyi thin. Zindagi be'ronaq thi. Be maqsad thi.

Kafi sochne ke baad maine ammi ko phone lagaya aur apni tamam soorate haal se agah krdya,hasbe tawaqa dusri janib se ek thandi aah bharne ki awaz ayi aur phir ammi ne Innah Lillahi Wainna Ilaihi Rajeeun prha. Meri ankho se ansoo phir se beh nikle. Maine ammi ko apni tabyat ke baare mai btaya tw unho ne qadre afsos kya aur phir mere paas akar rukne ke liye raazi hogyin. Maine unhe kaha ke pregnancy test kit le kr ayen sath take mjhe ultrasound test ke liye bahar jane ki zrurat na prre.

Kuch hi ghnte main ammi achuki theen aur phir mai ne apne shaq ko janchne ke liye test kya. Kuch minute ke intezar ke baad results mere samne thay aur ye maloom hua tha ke mai pregnant hu.

Ansoo thay ke rukne ka naam nahi le rhe thay,mjhe musalsal Farooq ki yaad sata rhi thi. Ye lmha aesa tha ke hum dono ki zindagi mai khushyon ke bemisaal unginat rang bikherta,lekin iss pal ki khushi ko mehsus krne ke liye mere humsafar mere shauhar... Mere sath nahi thay. Ranj o takleef ke aalam mai dil phatta ja rha tha, jahan jazbaat pr gham ka saya tha waheen dimagh main bdle ke mansoobe tashkeel pa rhe thay.

Ammi ne meri halat ko smjhte huay mjhe apne seenay se lagaya aur mathay ka bosa lya aur sb theek hojayega beta keh kr tassali di. Magar ab mjhe chain tw tabhi milne wala tha jab Zoyaan bhi issi trah khoon ke ansoo roye jistrah main royi hu.

Haan, main zoyan ko brbad krne ke liye usse shadi krne ke liye tyyar thi. Bus intezar tha ke meri iddat ki muddat jald se jald poori ho sake take mai usse jawab iqrar mai de sku. Ye iqrar mohabbat ka nahi blke badle ka tha.