peter parker one shots

the hanging halo

WARNING SUICIDE AND SELF HARM 

Pete was tired, he was so tired of everything, the guilt the pain, the suffering, he was tired of everything he just wanted it to end, the endless nights where he lay awake feeling numb, the school days of torment and pain, the guilt he felt every day that was drowning him he couldn't breathe, he couldn't see, but he could pretend.

he pretended everything was ok he smiled like he wasn't slowly dying a laughed like he wasn't up all night crying, he joked like he didn't spend most of his time in the bathroom cutting himself, he pretended everything was ok, and people brought it people believed him, people didn't see the pain in his eyes, the cuts on his wrist, they just saw puny old parker, or peter the kid that was always smiling a joking around.

Pete couldn't go on like this, he was tired he wanted it to end, he had failed to save a man from a burning building but managed to get the other 40 people out, why couldn't he save that one man, why did he have to mess up, why couldn't he have gotten there faster.

All those thoughts going through peters head making his brain fuzzy, making him cut more, blood gathering on his arm.

Ben. Why didn't he save ben he could have stopped that man he could have saved his uncle but he couldn't he wasn't smart enough he wasn't strong enough, he was stupid, stupid stupid stupid

May. he couldn't save may he could have been there to stop the car from swerving he could have stopped it, he could have asked may to stay home but no he didn't and now may was gone as well, he failed everyone his parents his uncle his aunt, his family, everyone

You can't do anything right you can't even keep your uncle safe you couldn't keep your aunt safe you can't do anything right you deserve this.

the voiced rang in peters head making him cry more than he already was, he had disabled FRIDAY so she couldn't notify tony on what Pete was doing, and Pete wanted it that way he didn't want tony seeing him like this, weak, vulnerable...

Broken

Pete had planned it all out he had already written his note already written his apologies, he had the rope he had the note, he had the chair, he had had enough, he shakily started to tie the noose his hands becoming numb due to the lack of blood, he looped the rope over the ceiling fan, he took one last look at himself in the mirror.

he was a mess bright happy eyes had faded to a darker color, rings under his eyes that he had hidden with makeup were now visible, blood running down his arms, blood the thing Peter hated and loved, it was a constant reminder of all the pain he had been through but it also reminded him that he was real, and if it bleeds you can kill it and that was what Peter was planning to do.

he would kill it.

He would kill himself

He pulled the chair towards the noose, pulling all his guilt, pain and self-hate along with him, it was heavy to heavy too much for him to handle.

Too much for him to fight

His happiness discarded along with his smile his laugh his love...

His hope

And soon enough his life.

Pete stood up on the chair, on step closer to freedom, he grabbed the noose and slipped it around his neck more tears welling up in his eyes, more pain building up in his chest more sobs escaping his throat

the avengers had no idea what was going on upstairs had no idea what Peter was going through, so when Natasha was asked to go get Pete for dinner she was horrified at the sight, her nephew crying, bleeding, braking with a rope around his neck, when Peter saw Natasha he wanted to jump he wanted it to be over but he couldn't do it in front of her "Pete buddy you wanna get down for me" Natasha said in her calmest voice, this was the last thing she thought Peter would ever do.