You're so dark (an Alex Turner fanfic)

broken things -part1-

I open the door, it's too dark inside, the smell of cigaretts greets me and I know something is wrong. I don't have evidence yet, but I know I'm right, there's something that just does not feel good. As  I step inside it feel like something would press down on me, the mood, the whole situation feels wrong. I put my bag down, the meeting with my boss took longer than I thought but I've told her that when I left in the morning.

 She's been acting strange lately, more than usually I mean. Sometimes I worry about her, if this was the right desicion to take her to mine. But on the other hand we both had no other choice and in fact I thought it would be good for both of us. I just couldn't let her there and at the beginning it seemed like we would get along well, but lately, she changed, and not for the better. I allways tried everything to make her forget about all that happened, I wanted her to be happy, more than I wanted myself to be ok.

 I turn on the light in the small room, everything we could afford at that moment.

 And my feeling intesifies, nothing is allright here!

 Papers are all over the ground, letters, pictures, paintings. This is not good, not at all. I feel sweat and heat building in my body. I get panic. What happened here?!

 I look further around, no sign of life in our flat, no sighn of her. Fear creeps into my body, along with the bigger getting panic.

 I stand there for a moment, calling her name, but getting no answer. Everything around me is silent. The silence before the storm, I know that.

 And suddely I hear something from the bathroom, like something fell on the ground. My heart races, the heat in my body feels like I can't stand it any longer, I get to the closed door, it's not locked and when I put my shaking fingers on the handle I think my heart will explode.

 I press the handle down, slowely open the door.

 In this second my head is empty of all thoughts, the world around me stops, for a few seconds there's nothing, before everything comes crashing down at me at once and without warning.

 I feel my eyes widen, my jaw drop, my body tenses, my breathing stops, together with my heartbeat. I feel like I would see the scene in front of me from a stranger's perspective. I can't move, I can't think, I don't want to see it, but my eyes are locked on it, on her. This can't be true, this is not happening, my mind tries to puzzle everything together and I can do nothing but stare at her. It feels like a lifetime, like I would stand there for eternity while I feel the hot tears stream down my face. I know it's only been some seconds that I stood there, holding on to the doorframe to steady myself.

 I can hear my own quick and at the same moment dying slow heartbeat.

 I close my eyes for a second, praying when I open them everything will be fine again.

 Three - I bite my lip

 two - I take a step further inside, feeling the water on the ground wet my shoes

 one - I slowely open my eyes again.

All I can see is the same- Water

 Blood

 Broken mirrors

 Blood

 Her

 more blood

 colouring the water

 closed eyes, wet hair, lifeless, blood so much blood

 I can't feel anything, I don't feel me move, only see how my hands drag her lifeless body out of the bathtub. Even though I know I came too late I try everything I've learned, I see the signs but ignore them, my hands try everything, without success, tears blind me, the smell of blood makes me want to vomit, I controle myself, search my phone, dial the number, wait, all I can do is wait, my jeans is soaked with blood, I think it will never ever vanish again from my hands.

 I've never felt so alone in my life, all I want to do is close my eyes, so I wouldn't have to see her lifeless face, those closed eyes that I've known so well, her lips that have formed those beautiful smiles I've loved.

 And finally I cry out loud, hold onto her, press her to my chest, my tears drop into her allready wet hair.

the next thing I feel are the hands of the first-aid attendant who pull me away from her, forever.

                                                                ~

-to be continued soon-