Shielding (Todoroki x reader)

40~ Can't sleep

(Y/n's P.O.V)

We finished the rest of the rooms, and Momo's ignorance and borderline stupidity ticked me off. We all went back down to the common space and put our votes in a box. I wrote down Kyoka's, not just cause she's my friend, but she had posters from a lot of the bands I like, and it was just a cool room. Sato ended up winning, and I rolled my eyes. Of course he got picked, he gave us food. "Wait, 5 votes... Am I the only girl that didn't vote for him?" I asked, surprised. "Yup! All the other girls voted for him. If you didn't, who'd you vote for? Shoto~?" Mina asked teasingly. "No, I voted for Kyoka. Her room was badass, and I thought it was awesome." I responded, giving her a thumbs up. Kaminari and Mineta started squabbling with Sato, then Shoto turned to Midoriya and Iida and asked "Is it over? Can I sleep now?" Aw, poor guy, he's exhausted. "Yes, and since you had cake, don't forget to brush your teeth!" Iida responded, followed by some of his erratic hand movements. "Thanks for sticking it out." Midoriya said, and I nodded in agreement and let go of Shoto's arm, letting him go back to the elevator. "Hey, Todoroki, wait a minute." Ochaco stalled. He turned back towards us, and she continued "Deku and Iida, you too. Yaoyorozu, Kirishima, you have a sec? It's really important." I was about to ask,  but thought better of it. I knew it was something to do with the rescue, since it was those students in particular. I felt a now familiar pang of guilt. I watched them leave the building, then went over to a window and sat quietly. I watched them talk to Tsu for a bit, then of course tears were shed. It killed me to think that they were upset by something I could've prevented. I stood up and clenched my fists, feeling a few tears drip down my cheek, and I saw the group enter the building. They were chatting and smiling, but Todoroki just went to his dorm room. 

They turned and pointed to me, and they began to come towards me. I wiped my eyes quickly and plastered the smile back on my face. "Hey, guys. Is everything ok?" I asked. "Well, that's actually what we wanted to ask you. You haven't been yourself lately, ever since the training camp." Ochaco explained, and Midoriya and Iida nodded. "What? Um, I'm sorry- I can try to be more like that if you want." I stumbled, not sure what to say. "What? See, that. You never would've said that. You didn't take anything from anyone, let alone offer to change for them. Something's wrong, isn't it?" Momo said, and I got nervous. I raised my shoulders and wings, shrinking. "I-I- Everything is ok! Everything is ok, nothing is wrong with me, nothing happened!" I felt like a cornered animal, and I was trying to convince myself these things at the same time. "Kero. We can tell, that's not true, and if you need to talk, we'd love to help." Tsu replied. "NO! Everything. Is. FINE!" I shouted, finally reaching my breaking point, then ducked around them and ran towards the door, spreading my wings and flinging open the door and taking off. "(Y/n), this is hardly acceptable, you should not run in the dorms, and you could hurt someone with your wings-" I heard Iida instruct, and I winced. Midoriya held him back, and I looked back once to see them and a few other classmates staring after me in the door way. 

I flew as fast as I could and clumsily landed on the roof of a building, stumbling and tripping until I came to a stop. I knelt down on my knees then stared up at the stars. I sighed, then regretted running away. "Dammit! You messed up again, now they know something is really wrong. Why can't you just- stop being so useless?!" I screamed at myself, and felt hot tears drip from my face into my lap, and I stared up at the stars again, blinking away the tears until the image focused again. I leaned back and looked up, taking in the clear sky of sparkling stars until my heartbeat steadied. I pulled myself back onto my feet, then flew back to the dorms. I was only gone for maybe a half an hour, so when I stepped inside, they were sitting on a couch. "Hey. I'm back." I said in a defeated tone. "(Y/n). Hey. We wanted to wait for you." Kirishima said, standing up and walking over to me. "Thanks." I said, and we went back to the couch. I sat in an empty spot next to Midoriya, and leaned forward, propping myself up on my arms. "Please tell us what's going on, you can't just run away." Ochaco said, more concern in her voice. "Listen guys, I really don't want to tell you. If you really want to know, track down Shinso and Bakugo, drag it out of them. I really just... I don't want to tell you. Two people know and that's quite enough for now. Maybe I'll tell you at some point, but no, I haven't felt too well lately, and I don't know what to do about that right now. I don't know if I ever will know what to do. All I can do right now is go from day to day the best I can. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to my room. I've had quite enough of this for today." I responded, then walked back towards the front door. I paused, then said "Goodnight." before leaving and flying up to my balcony. I opened the door and walked into my room, and fell onto my bed. I wasn't tired physically, just emotionally. I tried to fall asleep for hours, and at 2 am, I got out of bed. I texted the class group chat.

Y: Anyone else having a hard time falling asleep?

I looked at the screen for a while, then when no one responded after 10 minutes, I got up and put on a jacket and shoes, then hopped off the balcony, and soared over the city, earbuds in. 

I smiled at the quiet, calmness around me, and the absence of the threat that I might hurt someone. I wove lazily through buildings and over streets, speeding up and slowing down in accordance to the song. When the song calmed down a lot, I drifted down and walked the mostly empty streets, only folding my wings when I needed to fit in a spot or when someone walked by me. I felt a glimmer of what I used to be, and I smiled to myself, and straightened my posture, the way I used to, as if I owned these streets. As if anyone dared challenge me, they'd never have a chance. I stopped and put my hand over my heart, feeling as if a piece of me was restored. I blinked away happy tears, and kept walking. I still wasn't sure I was ready to openly express my emotions, but I know what needs to happen. I need to get myself back. And not the one the group was talking about, who was just another version of the scared, weak little kid who was kicked aside by everyone. The (Y/n) they missed was just a scared, broken kid. I need to get myself back. The person I was before the whole thing with Keigo. I want that happiness, that... confidence, back. I took off with the slight pick up in the music, and glided along, and suddenly my phone buzzed, snapping me back to reality. Back to the anxious, empty, absolutely terrified person I'd become. 

Bakugo: Oy, Feather bitch, I'm awake. Where are you?

He had texted me separate from the rest of the class, so I answered honestly.

Y: I'm actually taking a little flight around town. 

B: Well, if you're out doing stuff, why the hell did you text in the first place? 

Y: I was actually hoping you'd be awake. I kinda wanted to talk with you about... stuff.

B: Oh, ok. We're on the same floor. What should we do? Common space?

Y: Yeah. Go down to the common space and I'll be right there. 

B: K.

I angled my wings and made a banking turn back towards the school, then decided the go through the front door. I opened the door, and Bakugo was sitting at one of the desks. I joined him and he just asked "So, what do you wanna talk about? At 4 am?" "Oh jeez, it's that late already? Well, I was just wondering... how do you keep your anger under control? Don't you ever feel like hurting them more? How can you even fight like that?" I responded, and he seemed taken aback. "Well, yeah. I mean, you saw my first battle with Deku. I could've killed him. It gets out of control sometimes. But I think about why I need to hold back. Like, if I ever murd- um, seriously injured another person, it could threaten my career as a hero." "Oh, hm. I haven't thought about it like that. I just think about how to squish down all emotions, They're pretty scary, haha." I laughed nervously. "Yeah, I get it. Just, think about the good reasons to hold back. It'll help you a lot." He responded, surprisingly kinda and gentle. "Well, speaking of helping, I can confirm you have a chance with Kirishima~ Talked to him earlier and he totally has a crush on you." I said, and Bakugo's face turned red. "I swear, if this is a prank-" "It's not, trust me. I'm not that stupid." I assured him, and then we went up to our floor in the elevator together, went our separate ways, then I fell asleep as soon as my body hit the mattress.