My Promise To You

It's ok!

BEN POV:

"Babe!" I run over to Toni at her locker. "Someones happy!" I smile. "Read!" I hand her the paper. She reads it slowly. She looks up at me. "Finally!" She hugs me. "You've been waiting for this for months." I finally get to start testosterone. "You're not afraid of needles right?" She ask quietly. "Well..." Toni rolls her eyes. "I'll help you."

I pace back and forth bitting my nails. "Ben it's ok!" Toni tells me. "I know! It's just this is gonna change everything. Like everything." I say the last part quietly. "I know I was at the appointment." She smiles. The doctor comes in and I sit down. "Everything is going to be ok!" Toni reminds me taking my hand. "How are we doing today?" My Doctor named Dr. Dean ask smile. "Like I'm gonna throw up." I answer honestly. "Nervous?" She smiles. I nod. "That's perfectly ok." She laughs a little. "I'm just going to show you how to do this and than tell you when you need to do at home." I trying not to pass out. We go through the whole process up to actually taking the shot. The nurse takes out the needle. I close my eyes. "Owww!" I wince. "Ben." I look at Toni. "That was the disinfectant." I start blushing. "Hey! Don't look at her look at me."

TONI POV:

"Hey! Don't look at her look at me." I whisper. "This is all gonna be over in a second. Everything will be ok." I distract Ben as the doctor injects the testosterone. "This is one of the best things that can happen to you! After this, we're going to go to Pops! Probably annoying Veronica because what would be the point of our relationship?" He laughs a little. "All done!" Dr. Dean smiles. "What?" I laugh a little. "You're such a baby!" I joke. Ben looks at me pissed. "I'll give you guys a second to talk about more personal things I'll fall asleep to." I get up, kiss my boyfriend and walk out. After a few minutes Ben walks out with the biggest smile. I don't think anything could hurt him. "She just wrote me a prescription. We have to go to CVS." He tells me. "Ok." I rap my arm around him. "Anything else?" I ask as we go into the car. "Yeah." He smiles. "I talked to Dr. Dean, and I've been approved for Top Surgery. Even though it's not gonna be for another like 6 months." Again. I've never seen him this happy. "That's great baby." I smile. "I'm so happy you're finally able to live." I whisper.

"Just make it fast!" Ben covers his eyes. "You need to be able to do this by yourself." I tell him. "No." His voice cracks. This is the 5 dose and changes have really started to happen. I inject the dose into him. "Done!" I put a band aid on his thigh. "Not that bad. Right?" I whisper. "Well..." I kiss him. "Come on let's get you too bed." I tell him. "I'm not tired." He whispers. "I know but I am and I really just want to snuggle." I help Ben off the counter. "How's you're arm?" He ask quietly. I got my cast off today but now I have to wear a brace. "Can you come to physical therapy with me tomorrow?" I ask nervously. "I don't know how everything is going to go and I know you've been." He smiles. "Of course." He kisses me. We walk into the bedroom. Ben takes his shirt off and I throw him a sweatshirt knowing he really doesn't want to look at his body. I help him get his binder off. "I hate that thing." He whispers. "I know." He throws his sweatshirt on lies in bed. "You forgot something." I motion to his underwear. "It's fine." He kisses me knowing exactly why I wanted to go to bed. I lie on top of him. I lean forward slightly deepening the kiss. He unbuttons my flannel not letting go of our kiss. He moves to my neck definitely left a mark. Damn he's good. I moan softly. "So this is what it feels like you be-." Ben cuts be off by kissing me before I can finish my snarky comment. "I have to stop!" He stops. "It's ok." I whisper. "You sure?" I smile. "It's always ok." I tell him. "I feel bad because I leave you hanging." I look down. "C-." I stop myself. "Ben. Ok you leaving me horny is different than you not feeling safe." I whisper feeling bad I almost used the wrong name. I've gotten better! Like a lot! "You sure?" I nod. "Always."

It's around 3 am and I'm starting at the ceiling freaking out about Physical Therapy. I look over at Ben and he's freaking out. There's nothing I can do. It's let him wake himself up or get punched. "Don't do it!" He shoots up covered in sweat. "Come here." I whisper. Ben lies into me and cries. "Do you want to tell me what happened?" He shakes his head. "Benny." I whisper. "In the morning." He whispers. "Also don't call me that." Ben adds. "How about you tell me now and we'll both be able to sleep?" I sit up. He take a few more deep breath and sits up. "What happened?" I ask quietly. "Remember how I went to conversion therapy?" I nod getting pissed. "I talked to my mom a few weeks ago and I think you can figure out what the dream was about." I pull him into a hug. "Babe." I rub his back. He looks up at me. "What?" I whisper. He pulls me into a heated kiss. "I think I'm ready. I know it's a weird time." I nod. "It's ok." I kiss him again. He lies on top of me. Nothing feels forced or rushed. It's passionate. Heated. But passionate. "Are you sure?" I ask, we're both down to our underwear. Ben is putting on a strap on. "Yeah." He smiles. "Ok." I kiss him again while he slides into me. "Baby!" I moan out. He kisses my neck. I scratch his back as he thrust faster.