My Promise To You

Than Show Me

BEN POV:

I haven't left my bed today, or at much the past week. I've only been out to shower, only because I hate feeling gross. Toni has been patient with me. "Baby." Toni whispers. "The kids are at school. We should go for a walk." I slowly sit up. She smiles. "Come on." She takes my hand. "I need to get changed." I change my shirt and we go for a walk. "Toni." I whisper. "Ben." She looks at me. "Really?" I smile. "Yup!" She takes my hand. "What do you want to ask or not ask?" We continue walking. "You told me to talk to you if I ever thought about killing myself." She stops. "Ben..." Toni sighs. I look down. "I haven't been myself the past few days and I honestly don't think I will ever be the same." I tell her honestly. She pulls me closer. "Do want to see your therapist?" She ask quietly. I nod. "Yeah." She wipes my tears. "I'm scared." She looks at me. "About what?" She ask quietly. "That I'm actually going to do something." For some reason my heart is pounding. "You won't." She whispers. "It took me an hour to get you out of bed." I smile slightly. "I've been keeping an eye on you and I will continue keeping an eye on you. Ok?" I nod. "Come here." She pulls me into a hug. "We should take the kids here more often." Toni whispers. "Yeah we should."

TONI POV:

I walk out of our little balcony and see Ben looking up at the sky. I stand next to him and take his hand. "What are you looking at or for?" I ask looking up. "Hope." He looks at me. "I can't do this anymore Toni." I cup his cheek. He leans into my hand. "Yes you can." I whisper. "I can't." He starts crying. I pull him closer. "You need help. Like more than you are getting." He shakes his head. "I don't want to be away from the kids more than I already have  been." My heart sinks. "Ben, either way it's effecting the kids. Either way you're not going to be able to take care of the kids. I know you don't want to hear it, but Ben I'm so worried about you and if you don't get any help I don't know if I can keep doing this with you. You're not the only person in this fight." I tell him about to cry. "I can't do this right now." He whispers walking away. "Ben-." He turns around. "No! You don't understand what I'm going through! I'm hate myself more than I have ever hated myself before! You don't understand the pain I'm in." He starts getting frustrated. "Every night I pray that I die and every morning I wake up and the pain just gets worse and worse! Toni, if it wasn't for you, I would have killed myself by now." I look down. "I have to go." He whispers leaves. I don't stop him knowing he needs his space. It doesn't stop me from call Veronica. "Hello." She picks up. "Ben just left. I honestly don't know where he's going but I need to stay with the kids can you try and track him down and make sure nothing happens?" I ask quietly. "Yeah. I find him." She tells me. "Thank you." I hang up. I watched Ben get in his truck and leave. I walk into back house and lie down.

VERONICA POV:

I decide to go to Sweetwater to find Ben. It's the only place I haven't checked except Pop's and this one place in Greendale. I drive around and see his truck. I park next to it and get out. I walk to a small opening and see Ben lying on the ground staring and the sky. I quietly lie down next to him. "Toni sent you?" He ask quietly. "She's really worried about you." I whisper. "I know." I turn to face him. "I know you don't want to talk to Toni about what's going on in your head. Can you at least try and talk to me?" I ask quietly. He sits up. "I feel like I'm underwater desperately trying the catch some air but being pulled down. I can't get a break." He whispers.  "I'm just afraid of what's next." He says quietly. "I can't even walk into my favorite restaurant without having a panic attack." I sit up and just listen. "Honestly if it wasn't for Toni I would have killed myself today." My heart sinks. I knew Ben was in a lot of pain, I didn't realize it was that bad. Honestly this is all my fault. "I'm sorry I didn't help." I say out of no where. "What?!" He ask confused. "I saw the guy go to you and you run away, I didn't intervene and it has caused you this much turmoil. I didn't know what to do so I just called the police." I tell him. "There wasn't much more you could have done without the possibility of getting hurt." He whispers. "Oh god!" I look at him. "I left Toni home with no explanation." I smiles. "I already texted her about your whereabouts. She would have gone after you but the kids." He nods. I look down at my wrist and take the rubber band off it. "Here." I whisper handing it to him. "What's this?" He ask quietly. "I know you don't do it but, if you ever have the need to self harm or anything like that use this." I tell him. "I don't though." He hands it back to me. "Just in case." I whisper to him. "What about you?" He ask quietly. "Oh I don't need it! Betty is a therapist, They are all over the place." I tell him. "Fair." He whispers. "Why did you choose Benjamin?" I ask quietly. "My grandfather. Him and Nana Rose were the only people in my family not completely insane." He plays with the rubber band. "Your mom calmed down though." I lie back down. "Yeah. But I changed my name before that." He throws a rock into the water. "You hungry?" I ask quietly. "I don't think you'll give me a choice either way." He looks at me. "Do you want to try Pop's again?" He nods. We both get up and get into his truck. "What about your car?" He ask quietly. "We'll come back for it." He nods and we drive off. "Isn't Pop's closed right now?" He ask quietly. "I own the place." He nods. "Forgot." We pull up and it takes Ben a few minutes to actually get out of the car. "No one is going to hurt you." He nods. "Ok." I unlock the door and we go inside. "What do you want?" I ask as he sits at the counter. "My usual." He whispers looking around like he's being watched. "Dude. You're ok." He nods.

"You ok?" I ask looking up at Ben. He eats his fries. "Yeah." He nods. "How are you and Betty?" He ask quietly. "We're good." I whisper. "Why?" He shrugs. "I wish we were in high school still." He whispers. "What does that have to do with my relationship?" I smile. "I don't know. Everything was happy, we didn't have much going on. I just wish we could go back." I nod. "You're right." He smiles.