My Promise To You

Coming Clean

2 years later
TONI POV:

Dani is 5 and Jason is 2. Ben and I are going through a tough time. I still love him but it's just been hard for us. Ben's mom died. He hasn't been taking it well. Jason waddles over to me. "Great job bud!" I pick him up and kiss his cheek. He giggles. I look over at Ben in his office. He's obviously stressed. He looks up at me and gets up. He takes a deep breath and closes the door. "Why is daddy mad?" Dani ask quietly. "We already talked about this." I whisper. She gets up and sits next to me. "But why?" She whispers. "Because he misses his grandma." We sat her down and told her. We didn't want to lie. "Is she better now?" She ask curiously. "Yeah. She was sick and now she's not but because of that she's not here." I answer her. "Does that happen to everyone?" She ask. I nod. "In different ways. Sometimes when you're old and gray it kinda just happens. But you don't have to worry about that right now. Because you're healthy and young." I tell her honestly. She nods. "Will she be back?" She ask quietly. I don't think she's truly grasped what happened. "No. But she's looking down on all of us and she's always going to be in your heart." I smile. She smiles. "I miss her." She tells me. "I know. We all do." I love hair out of her face. "Let's get you to school." I whisper. She goes to her room. I place Jason is his place area and go to the door. I wait a minute before knocking.

BEN POV:

The floor is nice and cold. It's nice. I just lie there curled in a ball. I might have relapsed. I hate another swig. "God." I whisper rolling over. "Ben!" There's a knock on the door to my office. I get up and hide the gin. I go over to the door. "Toni!" I smile drunkenly. "Do you need me to drive?" I ask trying to stand straight. "You're drunk." She whispers. "Among other things." I've never seen her this pissed. "You need help." She whispers trying to stay calm. "I'm fine!" I hold back tears. "Mom! I'm ready." Dani comes downstairs. "Don't do anything while I bring her to school." Toni takes Jason and they all leave. I go over to a small box on my table. I don't know what else happened I pretty much blacked out until Toni came back. I snap out of it and realize she has tied me to the chair. I did give her permission like 10 years ago if I ever got this bad to tie me up. "Babe!" I smile. "It's to even 9!" She insist. "What if Dani saw you?!" She yells. I look down. "You're grieving. I get it. You promised you wouldn't go near alcohol or drugs again. But you did it anyways. Didn't you?" She paces the room. "I'm sorry." I whisper. "Sorry isn't gonna cut it!" She yells. "I need help." I tell her. I've never actually admitted that. I thought I could control myself but obviously I couldn't. She stops and looks at me. "How long?" She ask quietly. "Since mom died. I've been on and off." It's been 2 months. "It took you 2 months to say something?" I nod. "Ben. We need to be honest with each other." She moves hair out of my face. "You're going to an AA meeting." She whispers. I nod knowing she's not giving me a choice. "Can you untie me?" I ask quietly. She shakes her head. "Cabinet, That box, just check everything." I tell her. She rips my office apart finding drugs and alcohol. "I'm sorry." I whisper. "It's not ok." She unties me. "Come on." She helps me to the bathroom. She throws my shirt and pants off. "Get in." She says. I go into the shower. She immediately turns the shower on. "Shit it's cold!" I groan. "You need it."

"It's ok." Toni whispers to me. "You need to do this." I nod. "Ok. Let's go." We walk in to the AA and drug abuse meeting. Everyone sits down and we around the circle telling our stories. "Oh I'm just here for him." Toni breaks me out of my thoughts. I stand up. "You don't need to stand." A woman who I'm assuming is running the whole thing. "Oh." I sit down. "I'm Benjamin. But everyone calls me Ben." I say quietly. "When I was in high school. My brother died and my family fell apart completely. I resorted to heavy amounts of drugs and alcohol, I completely hit rock bottom very fast. I managed to sober up for a bit. I had some self discoveries and I made amends with my mom." I tell the group. "Everything was going really well. I hadn't thought about reverting back! But about 2 months ago my mom died and I went back to my old self." I confess. Toni rubs my back. I look at her. "I want to go home." I whisper. "Stay." She tells me. Sweet Pea walks in. Toni and I look at him. "Sweet Pea?" We both ask at the same time. "What are you doing here?" He ask sitting down. "Toni did he find out?" I look at her. "Find what out?" She sits back. "Nothing!" She tells me. "This is a judgement free zone." The woman tells us. "We can talk about this later."

TONI POV:

The car ride was silent. "I'm sorry." He whispers. "Pops?" I ask quietly. He nods. I take a sharp turn and pull into Pops. He goes and gets us some food. He walks out and hands me a milkshake and burger. "After my mom died. I tried to kill myself. You already know that. You also know we've both dealt with substance abuse. It's just gotten worse for me and I've been able to hide it from you." I confess. "You said we needed to be honest. And you have been lying to me?" I look down holding back tears. "Toni! I love you. I can't lose you." He tells me. "When?" He ask quietly. "After Jason was born. We both almost died... I couldn't live with that. It was my fault." I tell him honestly. "I've been getting help for a while now." I reassure him. "Sweet Pea is my sponsor. I didn't think he was gonna show up because I usually go to the one on Monday." I whisper. "You could have told me." He whispers. "I know." I take his hand. "You could have told me too." He nods. "I'm sorry." He wipes my tears. "I'm sorry too." He whispers to me. Every once in a while we have these talks in the parking lot of Pops. "It isn't your fault. You didn't know. None of us did." He finishes his milkshake. "I still don't get he dipping." I whisper. "I don't get the non-dipping." We both laugh. "Smart ass." I smile. "I don't want to clean out her house." Ben whispers. "Half of the stuff is gonna be Jason's too." He tells me. "Well now you can get all of his stuff. You've always wanted it." I look at him. "Now who's the smart ass?"