My Promise To You

i need you to be comfortable

TONI POV:

"How are you feeling?" I ask Ben. "What do you mean?" He ask. "Well, it's your first time really in public without a shirt..." We're having a end of year party. It's just our close friends but still. "Good!" He smiles. "I'm glad." I tell him. "What about later?" I ask bitting my lip. "Because I have some stuff that might make you more comfortable in bed." We've been having a lot of trouble sexually lately... It's been 2 months and Ben still doesn't have much feeling in his chest so it get uncomfortable for him. There's some other stuff obviously but it's very personal. "We'll talk later." He smiles. "If you don't want to it's ok." I remind him. "We'll talk later." He kisses me. "I love you forever." He whispers. "I love you forever." I say back to him. We kiss again and I go over to Sweet Pea at the grill. "You really love him." He smiles. "More than anything." I breathe out. "Ok. Have you talked to your father? Just wondering." He ask me. "N-no. Why?" I ask my heart starts racing. "Is everything ok?" I ask concerned. "Yeah! He just really wants to talk to you." I moved out after my mom died because I couldn't deal with the lost of her. I moved in with Sweet Pea and than junior year with Ben. With Sweet Pea I was still near my dad but it became too much. "He really wants to see you. Trust me and you don't have to update him." I nod. "I'll go over tomorrow or something." He nods. I go to the house and sit in the kitchen. I try to take dee breaths which gets harder the more I'm there. Everything starts to get narrow. I walk upstairs to rest. I lie down on the bed facing the ceiling. Just breathe! It's gonna be ok. Next thing I know Ben is sitting next to me. "What happened?" I ask sitting up. "You went inside and I didn't really see you for a while so I came up her to check on you." He tells me. His voice is soothing. "You had a panic attack." He whispers. I lie into him, Ben just raps his arm around me. "Dinner is about to he served. How about we go get some and relax?" He whispers. I nod and we go downstairs. "Where you there the whole time?" I ask still confused. "No. I had just sat down." He whispers. "What caused that?" He ask concerned. "My dad." He stops. "You hate him?" I shake my head. "No." I whisper. "So what caused that?" He motions to upstairs. "I haven't talked to him a while and he wants to see me. I don't know what to do." I confess. My breathing picking up again. "Look at me." Ben whispers to me. He put our heads together, takes my hand puts it up to his chest. "Breathe." I start to calm down taking deep breaths. "You're ok." He tells me.

I rap my arms around Ben as he swims closer. Everyone has left so it's just the 2 of us. I rap my legs around him. "What?" He looks down and smiles. "I'm so happy." He whispers. I smile and kiss him. "Do you want to go upstairs?" I ask quietly. He smiles. "Yeah." I kiss him.

Ben walks out of the shower. I look at his side of the bed and at him. He walks over and straddles me. "What did you have?" He ask quietly. "I know you said no more toys... but your birthday is next week." I grab a bag. "I know you were having trouble with your Packer, so I got a better one because you picked it out." He smiles. "Some other stuff is in there." I pull out a box. "Like this." He opens the box to a ring. "It's a promise ring. I know it's dumb but we're too young to get married. And I don't think either of us are ready for that." He smiles. "I think we both know the answer." I kiss him.

"Are you sure you're ok?" I ask quietly. I side the mini flesh light on Ben's clit which is huge now because of the testosterone. He nods. "I need you to actually tell me." I whisper. He moans. "Shut up and fuck me!" He holds my face. Move the flesh light as he moans. I kiss his neck. "I'm gonna cum." He moans as he cums into my hand. I lie next to him. "You ok?" I ask quietly. He nods happily. "Always." I kiss him. I rub his chest. "Nothing?" He shakes his head. "Not really. I feel something but it's there's something between your hand and my skin. If that makes any sense." I nod. "It's like when you're hand is asleep but you're chest." He nods smiling a little. He moves hair out of my face. Everything is nice and quiet. We're both facing each other. I never realized how much he's changed physically. Probably because I watched it happen so I never noticed. "I love you." He whispers. "I love you too." I whisper. "Forever." I kiss him. "Forever." He responds with a smile. He takes my hand and looks down. "What?" I ask quietly. "I- w- do you want kids?" He ask I can tell his heart is racing. "Do you?" I ask quietly. He nods. "I want a son named Jason and a daughter who's a year or two younger. I want to name her Rose." I smile. "I also want a cat named Pepper and a big dog named Blue." I smile, he's obviously had this vision for a while. "Well you already have everything planned?" He nods. "Can I add a hamster?" I ask quietly. "His name is Kyle. Unless it's a girl that her name is still Kyle." He laughs. "That wasn't a joke." I say. "Oh I know." He kisses me. I roll on top of him, he kisses my neck. "Get the strap on." He quickly grabs it and throws it on. I slide my self into it. "Baby." I moan. He sits up and kisses my breast. I ride him faster. "Oh god!" I moan out.

I wake up after a long night. That was the first time we've had sex since Ben got top surgery. I look over and see Ben went and put some underwear on. Which he usually does after. It's only so he really doesn't have to look at anything. I kiss his cheek and go to the bathroom. Once I'm done I walk out Ben is starting to wake up. "Good morning babe." He smiles getting up and walking to the bathroom. He kisses me on the way. "I put the new Packer slash STP in there." I tell him as the door closes. "Thanks babe." I smile and go downstairs.