Why Have I Done This??? (Lams Oneshots)

Summer

A/N - I saw the Avatar movie and I rode the Flight of Passage ride in Orlando and now I'm hooked don't @ me

Alexander's POV

   "Hey, Alex." I jumped and looked into John Laurens' eyes.
   "Laurens." We hate each other...think?
   "Oh, come on. Don't give me that!"
   "Give you what?" I headed to class and he followed.
   "That...I thought-"
   "You thought wrong." John stopped and I turned to face him. "It was one time. Heat of the moment. That's it." I walked into class and sighed. John and I have always hated each other and over the summer we...I don't know. We had sex a few times and that was it. It wasn't anything. Tonight we find out who our roommates are and I'm just praying it's not Laurens.

   "You have got to be kidding me." I dropped my bag and John turned to face me.
   "Oh, shit." He breathed and ran a hand through his blonde hair. "Look. I'm sorry. I'll stay on my side and I won't bother you."
   "Whatever." I threw my stuff down and sighed heavily. I laid down and immediately fell asleep.

   "Alex! Wake up!" John shook me and I yawned. "I see nothing has changed on that front." He mumbled, I sat up and pushed him off.
   "Go away."
   "Your alarm went off. I'm going to take a shower."
   "Ok?"
   "I'm telling you so you don't walk in on me." He grumbled.
   "Nothing I haven't seen before."
   "Yeah? Well, you like to pretend you didn't."
   "And that's the beauty of a willing ignorance." I grinned.
   "You really think you're funny, huh?" I shrugged and John sighed. "Have you even considered my feelings even once? That maybe- just maybe- I actually feel something?" I stared at him and he sighed. "It doesn't matter. You only care about yourself. What's that thing you always say? Oh, yeah...'Always look out for number one, the other numbers don't matter'." He scoffed and sighed. "Good luck with number one." He moved to take a shower and I bit my lip. I groaned and stripped off my clothes. I snuck into the bathroom and slipped into the shower. John jumped and I sighed. "Get out! What the hell is wrong with you?"
   "Maybe I have a reason for shutting everyone out. Maybe I have a reason for letting everyone hate me. Maybe I have a reason for hating everything about myself. You don't know anything about me, Laurens. I have considered you and I feel so fucking guilty but I can't let myself give in because I don't want to loose you either!" I was crying now and John stared. "Maybe I wouldn't let you kiss me because I was too afraid of loving you!" I screamed, John bit his lip and moved forward. He wiped my tears away and cupped my cheeks. I took a gasping breath and sobbed my heart out. I hugged him and he held me until the water got cold. I couldn't tell the difference between my tears and the water but I didn't care and neither did John. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I whimpered, John kissed the side of my head and I sniffed. "I'm a horrible person."
   "No...you just...don't have everything sorted out." He hummed, I thought I hated him but now I'm realizing it was...jealousy. "We're gonna be late for class." John shivered and I wiped my eyes.
   "Here...you still have soap in your hair. I'm used to the cold water. John leaned back and I finished washing his hair.
   "When you get back I wanna talk to you." I nodded and we got dressed in silence. John offered to drive me to class and I accepted, thinking it wouldn't hurt. During class I couldn't focus on the subject, all I could think of was John. He looked so hurt. I've spent so much time trying to save myself and not realizing that I was dragging him down. What I thought was just a fling was actually...I don't know. I know he likes me and I think I like him but I can't let myself go there with him. It's for his safety...right?

John's POV

   The door opened and I looked up to see Alex enter the room. He had far more classes than I do and I feel so bad for that poor boy. He threw his books down on the desk and I smirked. "Come here." He frowned and I smiled. "Come here." He approached me and I took his hand, laying him down. I laid his head in my lap and ran my fingers through his curly red hair. He closed his eyes and sighed. "We need to talk, Alex."
   "I know..." I stroked his hair and he sighed quietly.
   "I need you to tell me what's bothering you. Why are you so upset?"
   "Because."
   "That's not an answer, baby."
   "Don't call me that." I sighed and kissed his forehead.
   "I won't call you that if you promise to talk to me. Tell me the truth." Alex looked up at me and I got lost in his eyes. I'm in love with him. Did I mention that?
   "I can't love you." He whispered.
   "Why?"
   "Because the people I love leave." He whimpered, I cupped his cheek and smiled.
   "I'm not gonna leave you." He whined as tears dripped down his face, he wrestled with me to get away but I wouldn't let him go. "No, Alex-...don't fight this! You can't run away from everything!" He got away and stood up.
   "Yeah? Well, I sure as hell can try!" He grabbed his keys and slammed the door behind him. I knew going after him would only make things worse so I laid back and scrolled through my phone. I decided to make Alex some decaf coffee for when he comes back and put on his favorite Disney movie, Avatar.