My Rock

Thirty Seven

"Alright, I'm leaving!" Sidney yelled through the house before he was leaving. He's leaving today for his game tomorrow night, then we will meet up with him in Toronto later on.

We got through the first night of him leaving, very painfully but we did. My mom was up with me for most of the night and I was never more grateful. He came back the next day and even though he was exhausted he was just as hands on with our baby girl then before. I knew it was painful for him to leave, I even felt it too. The look in his eyes when saying goodbye killed me, like it is now.

He hugged through both of his family, knowing he'd see our mom's when they come down for the first few nights when we get home to Pittsburgh. Taylor was a little upset that she wouldn't be seeing her brother and niece for a little while, but I promised her that during her break from school and on long weekends they can come to the house.

"Bye baby girl," Sidney rocked Kylie in his arms while she cried softly. "Be a good girl for mommy. I'll see you in Toronto." he kissed her, not wanting to let her go. When he gave her over to his dad, I could see the tears in his eyes. I walked outside with him to say goodbye. "It's going to be okay Ash. Don't be scared."

He knew as much as I did that I was petrified for the journey home and adjusting to motherhood in Pittsburgh. He also knew how hard of a night it was when he wasn't there the other night, and I could tell he felt guilty about it.

I hung my head low and sighed. "I'll try not to."

"I'm proud of you. You're doing a great job, and what you are about to do is what is best for her."

"I know," I cried into him. He was bundled in his winter coat, and I was shivering in a sweater. I'm trying to be strong but I just can't right now. I'm too vulnerable.

"I'm gonna call you when I land, and you text me when you leave. You guys will be safe. And I have everything figured out at the ACC when you get to Toronto. They haven't told a soul the plan."

"That makes me feel so much better." The anxiety I have for the press is just ridiculous. I think it's almost as bigger of a problem in my mind than parenting is.

"I gotta go. Be strong Ash. I love you."

"Good luck in your game, and I love you too." We kissed, both with tears in our eyes. We were both scared and reality is hitting us hard.

I waited in the snow until his car wasn't visible anymore. On my way back up the driveway, the tears kept flowing down my cheeks. I walked past everyone, who was packing up the final bags and walked as fast as I could to my room. I closed the door and collapsed on my bed.

What have I done? I can't do this! That night with Sidney was a mistake! None of this was supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to lose my job and live with Sid. We weren't supposed to go out and get drunk that night. We certainly weren't supposed to hook up and get pregnant! This was all a mistake!

All my life I wanted to be with Sidney. Married, with a big house and kids. Everything we talked about what we wanted with other people on those late night talks after a break up. We used to stay up at night and sit in each others back yards or on a dock in the spring and summer, overlooking the lake, and spill our hearts out to each other. He always said he wanted to find a girl, know her for years, propose in a romantic way, have the wedding she had dreamed about since she was a little girl, and have kids when the time was right and his career allowed him to. Well looks like none of that has happened, and I don't think I'm that girl.

I always thought that a life with him is what I wanted. Now that we skipped every step possible, I'm worried it won't work out or that I'm not cut out for it. Can I deal with him always being on and off the road? Can I deal with him always being the centre of attention? Can I even take care of a baby by myself? I don't even like not seeing him! I used to be fine, but now that there's someone else in the picture I'm not sure. I've always been there for him from a distance when he's been gone, but is he going to be there for me when he's gone from the both of us?

I was left in my room to sleep and cry while everyone spent time with the baby. The bus pulled up and that's when I got woken up. They knew I was stressed out, and it could also be the baby blues too. My emotions are all over the place right now. We loaded everything up and everyone said goodbye to Kylie. Thankfully our grandparents and people of importance already met her before I have to leave or else I would never be able to go. I said goodbye to my sister and Taylor, since they would be staying behind with our aunt and uncle's while our parents leave.

The bus was big, just like a tour bus and had a little area for Kylie's stuff. I will be leaving her in her car seat for a majority of the drive. My dad would take the night shift if need be, and Troy would take the day shift. We had little bunk beds and a mini kitchen, but we knew we'd be stopping.

I sat down on the couch and pulled my phone out to text Sid. He was in the 'burgh and said that everyone was still buzzing about the baby. I sent him a picture with the caption: "I'm coming home!" He replied back with a picture of him with a pouty face. I knew it's killing him. News broke out about the birth the other day and Sidney hasn't done an interview since, which is surprising. I could only imagine what Toronto will be like.

**In Toronto****Sidney's POV**
I was walking around the Air Canada Centre nervously awaiting the arrival of everyone. Our parents have tickets to the game and Ashley will be staying in either a room or in the bus with Kylie. The boys have been urging to meet her and razzing me about her. They may seem like macho men, but they are suckers for babies.

I got in my workout clothes and did my warm up's like usual. It's getting late and I can't keep waiting for her. I haven't spoken or seen any press today, since we requested not to have much buzz at all. I'm not feeling the greatest, especially after the last game, but I gotta play through it. I was kicking a ball with the boys, baseball hat backwards, socks overtop of my compression gear, and looking like a mess when I heard a little voice coming up behind me.

"We're here daddy!" Ashley cooed, walking up while holding my pride and joy in her arms, wrapped up in a pink blanket.

A huge smile grew on my face and I ran over to see them. The boys stopped and looked over. They even had huge grins on their faces too! I wrapped Ashley in my arms, not squishing Kylie and gave her a big kiss. "Hi guys! You ready to come to daddy? Yeah you are." I said, picking her up. I kissed her petite nose and we walked over to the boys. They were all making "Oh noises" as quietly as they could, unsure if she was awake or not.

"So this is little miss Crosby!" Kris said looking over. They gathered around the three of us and tried to get a peak at the little angel in my arms.

"This is Kylie!" I smiled, with such pride and joy.

"She's so beautiful!"

"Such a tiny little thing!"

"Thank God she doesn't have Sid's nose!"

"Adorable!"

Everything was being told at once. It wasn't until Marc-Andre came over and said, "Congratulations" to Ashley that they even remembered she was there. They all made comments on how good she looked considering she just had a baby and asking how she was. Then coach Dan came over and was wondering what was going on.

"Sid has the baby!" Jordan yelled over. Dan's face lit up and he ran over to see her. The boys all waved goodbye and went back to warm up, and Dan came to hold her.

"She is absolutely adorable. I never knew you could make kids like this Sid. I'm proud of you."

"That's what I said," Ashley laughed.

"You made it right in the nick of time," he shook his head, not taking his eyes off of her. This is a new side of Dan I don't think any of us has seen. It's nice.

But they had to leave for a bit, and will be back just before the game started so I had to say goodbye. They'll be coming to see my interview with Don Cherry, since it's been a life long dream of Ashley's to meet him and hasn't yet. Which she's always been mad at me about.

**Ashley's POV**
The drive was actually pretty easy, considering she slept for a majority of it. She was up a fair bit but only had 3 fits which isn't bad. I slept like a baby as well which I wasn't expecting either. Seeing Sidney reassured me that it was worth it, and my nerves and doubts went away. Heck, I felt amazing bring Kylie to see her daddy at work and watch her get introduced to everyone.

Now I'm waiting for a life long dream of mine, to meet Don Cherry. Ever since Sid started gaining buzz around the hockey world and he started getting interviews from the hockey broadcasting legend, he never once let me meet him. I've always wanted to meet him from a young age and I STILL have not. Until this moment. I was ready to poop my pants with excitement.

First I meet him before going on set, nearly died. Sidney goes on, and next thing you know, Don Cherry is asking my daughter to be on set and she's in Sidney, then Don's arms! I'm standing there next to my parents just in shock. Like, there's my 9 day old baby chilling with Don Cherry, no big deal. Then it hit me, the world is seeing my baby and there's Sidney talking about fatherhood.

Afterwards we got a picture with him, and we got a family picture at Kylie's first hockey game, and we went back into the bus so I could try and get some stuff done and not have her have to wear those massive headphones again to protect her ears from the noise. As cute as she is, I can't have her deal with that again. Plus I didn't want more attention on her.

We are going to be in for it when we get to Pittsburgh tomorrow.