how do i know if i love you?

22장

I lie there on my bed. My body weak with pain, the sun now fully set. I can tell that Eun is asleep in the bed beside mine as I can hear her soft snoring.

I lie on my side and look over her sleeping. I slowly get out of bed and leave the bedroom.

I make my way to the balcony and open the door. I look out over the deck and at the bright lights of the city. Pain still pangs in my lower stomach, my upper thighs throbbing as the time goes on.

I feel arms wrap around me and I look to see Yoongi's face. "Isn't the city pretty at night?" I say rubbing his arm.

"Yeah it is." he says hugging me tighter. "Are you feeling better?" he asks and I turn around to face him.

"It's not like I wasn't in pain before." I say. He wraps his arms around me, I pull away and face him. I touch his face and smile at him. "I'm feeling better than what I was two hours ago."

He smiles at me and then hugs me again. "Come on. Let's go inside." He says pulling away from me and puts out his hand for me to grab, I grab it and he pulls me inside.

He drags me to his room and we lay down on his bed. He wraps his arms around me and strokes my hair.

I remember feeling the pain as I throw up in the kitchen sink. I remember hearing glass shatter behind me. I remember turning to see my father collapse to the floor. Tears were streaming down his face. I had lost my footing and stumbled to the floor. I saw my father scramble to get to me.

He wrapped his arms around me. "My baby" he repeated stroking my hair. I looked at my fathers face, I saw the pain in his eyes. It was like he doesn't mean the things he does to me.

He placed his hand on my face. "My baby" he said stroking my face, tears streamed freely down his face. "I love you. Don't die on me." He muttered as he kissed my forehead.

I quickly ripped his hands of my face and stumbled to stand up and get out of the room. I remember hearing him sob behind me. His powerful voice filled the room behind me.

I remember the feeling of pain, and guilt as if I had done something wrong. In the morning I had woken up and my father wasn't there. I had the whole day to myself. It was the best day I had ever had.

Later that night my father came home limping and it looked like he was in pain. He had bruises all over his body. He refused to look at me. 

I slowly open my eyes.  I look at the clock beside me, the time has barely passed, I wasn't asleep for long.

I sit up and look at Yoongi beside me. That dream was the best flash back dream I've ever had. I wish I could go back to that day and comfort my dad. I still regret not saying something. I guess I was just scared of his love.

I look at Yoongi, my heart aches in my chest. Am I just scared of love? No I can't. I don't even know what love is. I hop out of bed and walk into the bathroom. Something about me feels different, I want love.

I quickly finish up in the bathroom and come and lie beside Yoongi. I look at him, all of him. This man means a lot to me. I've never felt this way before. It's frightening, but at the same time exhilarating.

I let a smile breakfree, I don't know love, yet I want it. I must have woken Yoongi up as he places his hand on my face, confused by my sudden smile. I wrap my arms around him and hold him tight to me as if letting go would mean the end of the world.

I pull away slightly and smile at him. I place my hand on his face. "I like you." I say. "Like really really like you." I roll over so I am almost fully on him. "I don't want to push you away. I really want you." I mumble.

He looks up at me and then flips me over so he is on top of me. "I really really like you too." He says before kissing me. I kiss him back, I place my hand above his head and kiss him with all that I have.

I don't want to make the same mistake I made with my father. I don't want to loose Yoongi too.

As I kiss him I feel tears flow down my face. He wipes them away with his fingers.

~

I awake to the sun shining on my face. I hear Yoongi groan beside me. I roll over to face him.

I watch him sleep beside me, his hair a mess. I run my hand through his hair.

He slowly opens his eyes to look at me. He smiles softly at me and places his hand on my face. "I want to wake up to this everyday." he says stroking my face.

I hug him. "Yeah." I say. His body heat keeping me warm. We lied there for awhile. I hear a object hit the floor and shatter and a male voice cussing.

We sit up, I look at Yoongi and let out a laugh. He looks at my chest area and then at my face. He places his hand under my right breast.

"Chae, is that a tattoo?" He asks looking at the tattoo under my breast. I look at him and smirk.

I place my arm around his neck. "What if it is?" I say and he gasps. "Yeah it is. I have another right here."

I point to an area near my hip bone. He looks at me and I look at him. "Wait, do the others know about this?" He asks, "I've never heard anything about this."

"No. No one knows." I say. "I got them before we became idols." I mumble looking away from me.

"Wait, when you were underage?" He asks and I nod. He wraps his arms around me. I hear more voices outside.

"I think I should get up and leave before Eun realises." I say hopping out of bed.

He hops out of bed. I get ready and prepare to leave. "Seen you later, oppa." I say, trying to hold in my laughter.

He covers his face with his hands. He looks at me his face burning. He walks up to me and traps me against the wall. I look up at him. I feel heat rising to me face.

He places his hand on my face and kisses me. He pulls away from me and I look at him, He looks at me, I think he likes it.

"Yoongi! It's time to wake up!" We hear a voice yell from behind the door.

"I'm up" he yells back and looks at me. "I guess we have to go now."

I know that it would be best to leave but apart of me wants to stay here with him forever.