how do i know if i love you?

48장

Warning this chapter contains things that could be potentially triggering to some audiences. Themes include suicide, if this triggers you, do not read and skip to the next chapter, thank you.

It hurts all over, it's not physical pain but I would rather it would be. My heart aches with pain, I don't know if I could continue this way. "You have the right items, just do it!" The voice is back and right now it sounds like it may be the only way out of this.

I look up at my reflection in the mirror, my short curly hair is parted in all different directions. My face has gone pale from lack of food, my freckles stand out against it. There are bags underneath my eyes, I've haven't slept a wink in days.

I grab the pills from my bag and open the packet. "Yes Chao-Xing you can just end it here and now." The voice says and I groan in pain. It's so simple, all I have to do it take the pills and I wont suffer anymore.

I pick up the packet, my hands are shaking violently knocking the pills out of the container onto the floor. I place it back down. I look up at my reflection once again, I can see the pain in my eyes.  

"You can do it Chao-Xing" I mumble. I place my shaking hands on the counter top. My legs give way underneath me and I catch myself on the counter.

I down some pills, tiredness fills my body the pain numbs slightly. I look down at the pills. What am I doing? I can't. The container drops to the floor and the pills scatter everywhere.

Chao-Xiang would never forgive me. Namjoon would never forgive me. I look at myself in the mirror, my hands are shaking in fear not pain.

I slump myself over the basin and try and simulate myself to throw up. I've successfully downed half the container, I don't know if it would kill me or not.

"No." I mumble, I burst into tears and slump on the floor. I'm sorry. The door bursts open and there's a figure standing there. I reach my hand out to them, the figure comeing closer to me.

They lift me up and wrap there arm around me, my vision is blurry so I can't make out who the person is. They look at me and then at the mess on the floor.

They drag me through the door and into the hallway, people are walking around us, they are just blurs in my vision.

"Stay with me." They say, their voice soft, rather feminine. They move my body to keep me awake. I feel a pain in my stomach, like a stomach bug, my head aches in pain.

There's a bright light and I'm floating. I hear voices talking but I can't make out what they are saying.

There's a figure, she looks up at me, her hair is short and her skin is a blinding white. I reach for her but I never quite get her. She shakes her head before disappearing. "Come back! Please don't leave me!" I cry out reaching for her but she's gone.

I see a figure I run to try and reach them, they turn around to see a young female, around 15 years old. I recognise it as being Chai Jinhee. She looks at me and I rush towards her.

"Chae how could you?" She says, but instead of her soft childish voice. It's my voice and it's full of pain. "How did you think I would feel if you died!?" She cries, but it's my voice.

"I'm sorry." I cry back. I look up to see her starting to disappear. I can't do this anymore. "Come back!" I cry.

There's a bright light and I can't see anything nothing at all. So this is how it ends. Voices, there's voices.

"I'm so sorry." They say and they grab my hand. "Thank you Jieun." He says, "Thanks for finding her. I thought she might do something stupid. Yoongi said she had a panic attack but she didn't explain of what caused it. I should of came back when I heard."