how do i know if i love you?

46장

It's been a tough few days traveling between China and Korea. We had been doing some filming in both China and Korea to represent the split heritage I have.

I have just gotten back to Korea. I am wearing all black trying not to stand out but there are still people there taking photos of me, well I guess that is want happens when you're famous.

I wear a bucket hat to try and cover it up. My hair is in a miniscule bun, the long curly strands of my hair are now gone, I've been wanting to cut my hair for a long time now.

There is a black van and I hop in and my manager drives me back to the Big hit building. I hear a ding and reach into my bag to grab out my phone. I open it up to see a message from my brother.

I feel my heart drop, "We need to talk." I read out what it says and I don't know what it is about but I think I have an idea.

After a while I hop out of the van and walk into the Big Hit building dragging my bags along behind me. As soon as I enter a stylist takes off my bucket hat, she looks at my short hair.

It only is just passing my ears and the curls are everywhere, it kind of looks similar to my brother's extremely wavy hair. "Well we've not going to straighten it again, we are going to dye it back to your normal hair colour." She says and I nod, honestly I just want to go home, I'm exhausted.

My personal assistant, Junghee quickly grabs my bags and runs away with them, I prefer to carry my own stuff not have her carry it all the time. She comes running back to me with a cup of coffee.

"They want to do your hair soon, but first they want to you to choose a photo for the album cover." Junghee says and I nod and I follow Junghee to the studio.

I look down at my phone, I clutch it in one hand. I impatiently wait for the meeting to end so I can exit, my brother needs to talk to me.

We decide on a blurry photo of me and the editors start to edit the photo. I feel myself start to break out into a sweat. I look up and instead of seeing my personal assistant I see my brother.

I quickly shake my head and try to get the image out of my head. It doesn't work, my vision blurs and I see multiple versions of my brother.

"I'm just going to use the bathroom." I quickly say standing up and running out of the room. I stumble down the hallway.

I place a hand on my head to stop the pain radiating from my head. I look up to see a man in a suit, he rubs his beard and then laughs hysterically, the man is my father. 

He walks closer to me but he never seems to reach me. I back up and I hit my back against the wall.

I quickly make my way to the bathroom, I lock the door. I wash my face with water to try and get me out of this trance. It's been so long since I've been in a trance.

When I look up in the mirror I see Mirae, not myself. She's looking at me emotionlessly, her face is bruised and blood dribbles down it. Blood is smudged next to her lip.

She looks exactly the same as she did after the crash, I remember it clear as day. I feel a sharp pain in my head and groan.

"Chae don't worry. We will be back before manager notices." Mirae says, "We are just going to get some food and bring it back, no one will notice."

I reluctantly agree and we high jack Midnight's van. It's rather big, I mean it has to fit the 6 of us and the manager.

I sit in the passenger seat and Mirae climbs into the passenger seat, Jinhee sits behind her. It's a rainy night and I can barely see out the window, it's aesthetically pleasing and would suit for a good music video.

"Guys are you sure that we should be doing this? The roads are slippery, the last thing we want to happen is to get in a car accident." Jinhee says unsurely, before going on about the car crash involving idols on this same road not to long before today.

Mirae reassures that it would be fine. However we should have listened to Jinhee. There was a bright light and the next thing I know something hits the van with fully force, the next thing I know I'm looking at a lifeless Mirae looking up at me, blood splattered all over her face.

The scene dies slowly and the next thing I'm crossing a road with the others. It's dark out and a car is speeding towards us, I freeze unsure of what to next all I know is my sisters are more important.

I gasp and awake with fright, my outfit is now soggy with sweat. I place a hand on my heart to slow down my heart rate. I quickly grab my phone and dial Chao-Xiang's number.

"Pick up, Pick up." I mutter, it goes rings for a while and then I'm sent to voice mail. I quickly call again, I'm sure he figured out what I was going to say.

I sit up and wash my face with water. There's a knock on the door and I exit the bathroom. I slowly make my way down the hallway, my heart is in pain and my head is spinning. I'm struggling to breathe.

I look down on my phone, my hands are shaking and I'm almost just gasping for air. I try and open it up, I sit down against the wall and try and steady my breathing. I call the last person I spoke to, Yoongi.

I almost drop my phone, he answers and I can't seem to say anything. "Chae? Is everything ok?" He asks, it's on speaker phone. The next thing I know is tears are streaming down my face, I'm shaking and I can't breathe. I can't even answer Yoongi's question.

"I- I-" I try to start to starting talking, nothing. My vision goes blury and I'm afraid I'm going to pass out again. Yoongi trys to calm me down, he's probably aware of what's going on right now.

"Take a deep breath. In and out. It's going to be okay." He says and I try and steady my breathing. He comforts me the best he can over the phone. It seems like a decade but finally I can breathe again. I check the phone to see that I've been on the phone with Yoongi for the last 7 minutes. It has been one of the most painful 7 minutes of my life. "Chae? How are you now?" He asks.

I reach down and grab the phone off the floor. "Thank you." I say, my voice is barely audioable. "I love you. Thank you." I say, it's all I can think off saying.

Yoongi talks to me for a while longer, I wish he was here in person to comfort me, not over the phone, but I'm grateful.

"CM, they what to do your hair- Oh my you look like a mess." My personal assistant says when she sees me.

"Umm, yeah." I mumble, I say goodbye to Yoongi and we hang up. "Hey Junghee, could you reschedule my doctors appointment to as soon as possible." I say and she nods before taking note on her phone.

After a while I'm sitting on a seat while a hair stylist dyes my messy hair. My personal assistant walks in and sits down on the seat next to me. "CM, I've changed the date of the appointment to early tomorrow morning." Junghee says and I nod.

I look at myself in the mirror. My face is slim, the freckles more prominent on my makeup-free face. There are bags underneath my eyes from getting no sleep for the past five days. My cinnamon brown eyes reflect the amount of pain I'm in, the feelings and thoughts I can't tell anyone. 

I don't know how I can stay strong for such a long time.

A/N
Some one has been forgeting to take their medication. oop