how do i know if i love you?

52장

The sun shines brightly through the window hitting my eyes and causing me to wake up. I move slightly not wanting to disturb my sleeping boyfriend.

I sit up and rub my eyes, I look over at him, he's sleeping so peacefully. I get out of bed and get myself changed into some fresh clothes. A pair of black sweats and a basic gucci tee.

I leave the room and slowly make my way to the kitchen. I reach through the cupboards to find my medicine but I can't seem to find it. I groan and give up and pour myself a cup of water.

Mihyeon walks into the room and notices me there. "I thought you weren't allowed to be left alone." She says pointing at me slightly.

I put a finger to my lips and shush her. "Don't tell." I say. "Besides you're here, I'm not alone."

She shrugs and then pours herself a cup of water. "We have practise today at 10, for two hours. Don't be late!" Mihyeon says before drinking the water and leaving the room. I thought I wasn't supposed to be left alone.

I head back to the room and grab my bags. I open them up and grab everything out, where are the pills? I open one of my other bags and rummage through it.

"Chae, what are you doing?" Yoongi asks sitting up. I look up at him.

"I- nothing." I say stuffing the clothes back into the bags and putting the bags into the closet. I stand up and look at him. "I need to make a phone call, I'll be back." I say trying to find my phone.

I look on the cupboard tops and in the drawers. Not there. Yoongi helps me attempt to find my phone, it takes us a while but we eventually find it.

I sit down and open my phone, I notice that it is almost 10 and I will have to go to practise soon.

I stand up quickly and my vision fades and a sharp pain radiates in my head. I cover it up so Yoongi doesn't worry.

There is a knock on the door and Yoongi opens it, it's Namjoon. He doesn't even acknowledge my presence and he drags Yoongi away, leaving me alone.

I check my phone to notice that it is now 10. I look up and there is a person standing there, blood dribbles out their mouth, Jinhee. I jump and fall back onto the bed. They aren't there anymore, it's just a vision. I quickly make my way to the bathroom and I wash my face with water.

I look up and jump, she's back. I quickly turn around and Mirae is there now. My breath hitches and I grasp onto the basin.

I shake my head and stand up. "Go away." I say hitting my head, "You're not real."

"I'm apart of you." Mirae says, it's not my voice but mine. I move back till my back hits the basin, I grab onto it hard enough I could break my hand.

"No! Go away!" I say suddenly forgetting how to breathe. I clutch my head and my legs give way and I fall on my knees. I can't see anything, it's completely blurry.

I look up and it's the man I almost killed, I think his name was Hiro. "Despicable"

I grab my throat and struggle to breathe, like I am being chocked. I lean back and hit my head on something sharp. I close my eyes and attempt to slow my heartbeat.

I feel a warm liquid drip from the back of my head. I place my hand where it is and it hurts. I move my hand back so I can see it. Blood.

I fall back and the next thing I know, my eyes are opening again. I think I must of fainted.

I sit up my head still burning with pain. I turn around to see a smudge of blood on the floor. I quickly grab tissues and wet them and try and wash the blood off the floor. I feel the back of my head to feel a bunch of it is hard, most likely dry blood. It can't be serious as it isn't bleeding anymore.

I clean it up quickly and take a shower, it dawns on me that I must of had an episode.

I look down to see blood in the water as I wash my hair, I don't dare wash it with shampoo or conditioner. I dry myself off with a towel, I notice that there is a soft blood smudge on the towel after I dry my hair with it.

I get myself new clothes as my gucci shirt is now stained with blood. I fill up the basin with hot water and I soak my shirt in it. The water goes a light pink.

I take the Gucci shirt out and take the plug thing out, it doesn't drain. I turn the tape on to see if it would effect the drainage positively. It spills over the edge of the sink and I reach for a towel.

There's a loud bang and I quickly look over to the noise. The metal bar that was holding the towel had popped out and was now on the floor, the towels spread out along the tiles.

I groan and pick them up and put them on the counter. The sink eventually drains and I clean up my mess the best I can.

I grab my phone and check the time, it's been an hour and a half. I should hurry up and try and get to practise. I grab my bag from the end of the bed and I put my phone and wallet in it. I quickly grab a water bottle and put on my Chloé Lauren sneakers.

I rush down out the room and down the stairs. My head aches softly causing me to stop running and slowing down. I run into my personal assistant on the stairs and she looks at me confused.

"Everyone is wondering where you are! You shouldn't be alone!" She says turning around to walk with me. "What happened?"

I look down and look up at her. "I had another episode and I hit my head. I don't know what happened after that but there was quite a bit of blood." I say and she places a hand on my shoulder to comfort me. "I left my medicines in Korea. I'll pick up some more after practise."

"I should go get them, I'm your personal assistant. I'll take you for a check up as well. Does it still hurt?" She asks looking at the back of my head. I put my short hair up in a miniscule bun, you probably wouldn't be able to see anything. "I'll tell the others, they are probably worried about you."

"No, please don't let them know of this." I say softly and we reach the practise room. I open the door and Jisu quickly hugs me as I enter.

I practise for the remainder of time that I have left. Once we finish my manager comes and drags me away from the others.

"Kim Chaerin! You can't just almost skip practise and show up when there is ten minutes left!" My manager says raising his voice at me. "Don't say you were sleeping! You have just gotten out of hospital a while ago! You've had your break! You should be able to come to practise!"

"I'm really sorry I pas-" I start but I am cut of by my manager.

"Just because you are in a relationship as well does not mean that you can skip as well! You should value your work over your boyfriend!" He says nearly yelling at me, It catches me off guard.

"I wasn't with Yoongi! I swear I wasn't!" I say back to him and he glares at me angrily.

"I could ruin your carrier!!" He yells, "Do not ever be late for practise! You are a mentally stable person, I do not care what the doctors say about you! You have no excuse!!" He yells angrily.

"Sir, I swear I wasn't- I had passed-" I am cut of by a pain in the side of the face. I clutch my cheek, tears fill my eyes. He hit me.

I quickly grab my bag and run away from him. He calls out after me angrily. I burst the door open to the hallway, running into a person as I do. "Chae are you okay?" The masculine voice questions but I ignore them and run out of the building.

Pathetic, I'm always running. I run and run until I stop, if I'm running it'd be better that I am mentally sound than a crazy lunatic.

I catch a taxi and make my way to a chemist and I pick up some pills. Once I get them I catch another taxi to a subway station. I catch the first train to Sapporo.

I look out the window, it's late afternoon now. I sigh, I'll probably go back in a few days, I just need to think. 

A/N
I always thought the manager was fishy.