In Loving Memory [A Marvel Cinematic Universe Fanfiction] *Discontinued*

Talked

As it turns out, the train idea wasn't so bad. We sat on top of the train and rode 3 hours to Berlin, Germany. It was nice watching the sun rise and feeling the wind whip by, tangling my hair into a thousand knots. But i don't care.
The sky is now a brilliant bright blue. Harley says the sky is nothing in comparison to my eyes, but i don't think he's ever really looked at the sky like i have the past few weeks. It stretches out as far as the eye can see, and it somehow covers up all of the night sky during the day.
On the way there, Peter and I talked. Really talked. We talked about if it doesn't work, if i do end up dying. I told him not to let it destroy him. He's lost so fucking much in his life. His parents, his uncle, Tony, and maybe me. I told him how scared i was about dying. It's just now hit me that it's terrifying not knowing what's next. What if heaven and hell is real? I'll burn for all of eternity, alone. But what if it isn't? What if reincarnation is real? What if there's nothing? No, there can't just be nothing. I know that souls are a real thing now, ever since Nat was sacrificed for the soul stone.
Peter opened up about not being able to move on from Tony. He told me about how everywhere he looks, there's a memorial or a picture or graffiti, or someone is just talking about him. He can't escape it.
I told Peter about when i went back in time and stole his Lego Millennium Falcon. I told him about seeing us, 16 and happy. Everything used to be so different, and now things will never be the same.
I even got him to admit that he had a huge crush on me all those years ago. He said it was because i was cute and funny and how much he wanted to see me everyday, the girl whose life he saved. He told me that he just wanted to know i was okay.
But i don't know if i was ever really okay. Back then, i had no idea how to control my powers. After Thanos took everyone away, i learnes to control it, but then there was that gaping hole. That hole everyone left, and the only thing that filled it was guilt and regret. And even after we got them back, i still felt bad. Tony had just diedb and i had gotten my first boyfriend and was freaking out over it all them time, and on top of that, i was trying to figure out the visions that kept changing from day to day and Peter and i were growing apart. Then i finally figured out what the visions meant, and plunged myself into denial. I ignored it. And now, i am really not okay. I'm about 70% sure i'm going to die, and i don't want to do that to Peter, Harley, and everyone else that suprislingly cares about me. I don't want to do that to Morgan, to Wanda, to Pepper, Rhodey, Steve, Bruce, Nebula, and everyone else.
Tony was right. I'm a part of a family now, and a lot of them love me.
I'm sorry.
...
As we near the Berlin train station, i bring something up again.
"Peter, i have a question."
"Yeah?" I can tell he's still shaken by our shockingly deep conversation from the past few hours.
"When you died...when you got Snapped away...was there anything?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, did you see anything? Or was there nothing?"
"It was like i fell asleep or passed out," he says, knowing immedeatly why i'm asking this question. "It was like there was a few seconds of darkness, then i woke up again."
"Do you think that's what'll happen to me? If i do end up dying, that is."
"I honestly don't know. I wish i did so i could tell you, but i don't."
We both fall silent.
Then my eyes start to water again, for the 3rd time today. I'd been able to hold it back before, but i don't know if can, this time.
"Hey," Peter says, scootching closer to me. "You're going to be okay."
"How do you know that?" I ask. "How could you possibly know whether or not i'm going to be okay? How could you know whether or not i'm going to die, or if i do, that everything will be okay? Because i can assure you, it won't. If i die, no matter where i go, i won't be okay. I'll be burning in hell or, or become a ghost stuck with nothing, all alone, or there will be absolutely nothing and i'll be stuck in darkness forever."
I slam my face into my palms, the tears in my eyes spreading onto my hands. When i lift my head, there's mascara all over my hands, which means there's mascara all over my eyes.
"Shit," i mutter, wiping underneath my eyes in a poor attempt to get it off.
"I know i can't know that, but right now, i can't afford to think that anything else will happen besides us defeating Mysterio and you staying alive," Peter says so quietly, i can only hear him through the comms. "Because if i think for even a second that something else could happen, that you may not make it, that will happen."
I can't say anything. He is trying so hard to convince himself that i'll make it, when i'm almost convinced that i won't.
"The train station is up ahead," i change the subject, and wipe the remaining wetness from my eyes.
...
We get off of the train just before it reaches the station, and go through an archway into an area where people enter the train station.
"Uh, do you have any idea where Fury wants to meet us?" Peter asks when we get to the ground.
"No," i say. "He just said Berlin--"
Just then, a black Audi screeches to a halt beside us. The severely tinted window rolls down, revealing who else but Nick Fury.
"Get in," he says, his glaring eye lingering on me for a bit too long.
Peter opens the passanger door and i cross to the backseat. Our doors shut in unision, and my arm automatically goes behind me to the seatbelt.
Peter rushes to take off his mask now that we're out of the public's eye. "Mr. Fury--"
"You two have got a lot of explaining to do," Fury says, sounding bored but annoyed in his own Fury way.
"No, just listen--"
"Wait until we're secure," Fury interupts him, sounding so incredibly calm. How can he be calm? How the hell is he so calm?
"Ok," Peter says.
A beeping noise breifly fills the silence in the car before Fury clearns his throat, then makes a motion to Peter telling him to put on his seatbelt.
"Oh, right." Peter tugs on the seatbelt, but for some reason it's locked. He pulls and pulls on it, until the whole thing breaks off in his hands. He looks at Fury, panicked, but Fury just rolls his eyes, sighs, and keeps driving.
After 10 minutes of excruciating silence, Fury turns into a parking garage and finds a place to park. We all get out and go upstairs into the actual building.
When we get inside, it's full of people. It reminds me a lot of the ship i took to get to Europe the other day, all the SHIELD agent working like bees in a hive, and it's like all the hives are connected.
We walk up a white staircase and down a short hallway, into a conference room with a dozen fancy white swivel chairs and a painting that looks like a 3 year old smeared around a drying Starry Night.
Maria Hill is in there, standing at the other end of the table that Nick is crossing to. Peter and I stay on the other end.
"So, is there anythung you want to tell us about you're girlfriend?" Nick asks as Peter flipps up the eyes on his suit. My mind shoots up red flags. Do they know about MJ? Did they hear our conversation on the train, thr part where i made him admit that he used to have a crush on me? Or do they know about that girl at that one bar the night Harley and I got into a bad fight? No, they couldn't possibly know about her. Although, for the next week, Katy Perry's "Kissed A Girl" was stuck in my head.
"He's talking about EDITH," Maria confirms, sending a flood of relief through me.
"I know i made a mistake and i'm sorry, but Beck is not who you think he is," Peter says, getting right down to business (to defete the huns...HA! Sorry, i had to). "Beck is a liar. Mysterio, the Elementals, it was all fake. He has some sort of illusion tech and that's how he tricked you guys, that's how he tricked me into giving him EDITH."
"It was this," I say, passing the projector to Hill through the air. "It's some sort of super advanced hologram projector."
"We pulled it off the fire monster in Prague," Peter says, lying about how MJ had it.
"So all that death and destruction we witnessed was created by this?" Fury asks, not quite believing us.
"He must have somehow gotten drones before he got EDITH, but now he has access to all of them, and the drone have weapons," i say, remembering what happened with my arm and the shots from the drones in my visions. "Beck's fake lasers hit me, but it must have just been a shot from a drone skimming my arm," i point out, gesturing to my still bandaged arm.
"If this is true, then Beck is very dangerous and we need to be smart," Fury says, sounding almost bored. What is wrong with him? It's like it's not him, not even Talos. Wait...
"Who else did you tell about this?" He asks.
No. No, no, no.
He's fake.
I look to Peter, and now he knows it too. He glances at me, sees the look on my face, and that confirms it for him.
"Parker? Parker!" Fury yells.
"It's Beck, he's here," Peter flips the eyes back down, and everyting starts to fade away into blue, and then nothing. For a split second, Peter thinks it's me, but then he sees things disapearing underneath the blue.
"Hill?" Fury asks as she starts to fade away along with everything else.
The room quickly goes from white to some sort of abandoned building, with open walls and crumbling structures.
"No, it's just an illusion!" Peter yells. Then something shoots from behind us and hits Fury. "Fury!"
Peter and i both whip around and there's a drone, staring us right in the face.