Butterfly [A Harry Styles Fanfiction] *COMPLETED WITH SEQUEl* {Book 1}

Chapter 12: The Open Road

Cami POV:

I couldn't help but feel like tonight had changed everything. Prior to the events that transpired mere hours before, I had felt like I had hardly known Harry. Realistically this was still the case, but somehow I felt like he knew me, even if he really didn't.

Once the band finally retreated backstage, they were rushed out of the building without a minute to spare. I was glad I had caught the short glimpse of Matt that I did, even if it was only for a couple of minutes. Harry and I hadn't spoke a word to each other and remained silent even until we got to his Mustang. It wasn't an awkward silence, but it was as if both of us were thinking too much to acknowledge the others presence. The low music playing in the background thankfully left the space between us to have some sort of noise and I was grateful.

The open road flew by us and as I stared out the window, I attempted to decipher what the hell I was feeling. First I was hesitant to even agree to hanging out with Harry again, and then I was rationalizing how it was not a date, yet somehow we ended up with interlocking lips for multiple heated minutes. Sure we just kissed, but somehow it felt different from just kissing any other guy. Was it because we had some sort of attraction to each other? Or, was it pent up frustrations and a cheesy song to set the scene? The latter seemed more plausible given my usual indifference towards feelings, but somehow I felt it was actually the former.

That couldn't be it. Could it?

I had literally just turned Niall down only a day ago for the internal issues I faced when trying to start any sort of relationship and here I was considering if I had grown an attachment to Harry.

The resentment I had for both of my parents for making me become this person, was strong and substantially prevailing. My mother and father had somehow both laid a hand in my resistance to growing attached and my fear of it.

Growing up without a mom sucked and it took it's toll on me in my teenage years especially. She left without so much as a word when I was a child and never looked back. For years, I stupidly believed she would come home and take me away from the empty life my father had provided me with.

No wonder I didn't know how to care about somebody.

 I had never seen nor experienced a stable loving relationship. All I had ever known, was that people always leave and love expired eventually.

Even motherly love apparently.

In true rebellious teen form, I acted out in hopes of attention or some sort of recognition from my father.

It never worked.

No matter how badly I behaved, he got me out of whatever trouble I had gotten myself into without any repercussions.

Most teenagers would have looked at that as a dream. To me, it showed how little he cared. He couldn't even be bothered to yell at me, much less punish me for my own good. The only person that I could ever remember who showed her love for me, was my Grandma. She left too in a sense and losing her was also a large hand in why I was to this day, scared to fall in love.

As famous psychologist Sigmund Freud once wrote, We are never as vulnerable as when we love. and I was not willingly open to subject myself to such thing.

Up until now that is.

Somehow, my subconscious was fighting to break me out of my self-deprecating pattern. I was questioning all that had made me, just for the feeling I got tonight while Harry's mouth was on mine. Even his touch was enough to make me reconsider my ways, but my strong hesitance was still very much present.

"You okay?" His voice broke through my thoughts and I almost forget he was there.

I was in no way okay with the jumbled mess flooding my mind, but I couldn't admit that just yet.