Mia Anderson

Part 35

I was in the Lima Bean with Kurt and Rachel. We were looking at wedding catalogs. Do I think Rachel is too young? Yes. Am I still happy for her anyway? Yes. She is my friend and even if she is way too young I am going to be happy for her. 

(Rachel) "Oh, this is good. Oh, this... look at this one. Oh, it's so timeless. It's perfect."

(Mia) "It is beautiful."

(Kurt) "Yeah, timeless, meaning you can wait two or five years to wear it."

(Rachel) "Don't be jealous."

I look up and see Sebastian walking this way. I elbow Kurt and cross my arms looking at him. 

(Sebastian) "Well, well, well. If it isn't a young Barbra Streisand and an old Betty White. Oh, and you can't forget about the beautiful diva? Where is Gay Cyclops? Still, trying to stumble his way in? How was Valentine's day, Mia? Lonely again?"

(Mia) "For someone who is clearly in love with me and obsessed with me, you move on pretty quick. How's Iris? Have you told her about me yet? Told her how much you are in love with me?"

(Sebastian) "Whoever said I was in love with you?"

(Mia) "No one had to. It is pretty obvious."

(Kurt) "We can't come here anymore."

(Sebastian) "Rachel, I, uh, brought an engagement gift for you."

Sebastian hands Rachel an envelope and Kurt and I peek over to see what's inside. What's inside is pretty bad.

(Rachel) "Hmm. Whoa. Oh, whoa, whoa! Oh, my God!"

(Mia) "Oh my god!"

I look away as fast as possible and stand up and face Sebastian crossing my arms.

(Rachel) "Oh, no, that is... that is Photoshopped. His thing is not that small or... or brown."

(Kurt) "And he could never fit into those pumps."

(Sebastian) "Just think, from now until eternity, every time someone Googles Finn Hudson,
they'll be treated to that and dozens just like it. That's the beauty of the Internet. It stays with us forever."

(Rachel) "What do you want, Sebastian?"

(Sebastian) "I want a guaranteed Regionals win, so I want you to drop out. McKinley gets home-court advantage this year. You're going to come down with Asian bird flu or whatever Tina Blowing-Wang just had."

(Mia) "But that is show choir terrorism."

(Kurt) "You give a bad name to the entire LGBT community."

(Sebastian) "And you give the LGBT community cutting-edge fashion that's usually only seen on Puerto Rican pride floats."

(Kurt) "I'm sorry... I didn't hear you. I was distracted by your giant horse teeth."

(Sebastian) "You have 24 hours to drop out, Rachel, or I press the upload button."

Sebastian walks off and I storm up to him. I tap him on the shoulder and he turns around to face me. 

(Mia) "Pretty smart. Terrorize us so then you can win. Really smart idea. What can I do to get you to not upload that picture?"

(Sebastian) "Be my girlfriend again. Go on dates with me, kiss me."

(Mia) "Oh hell no."

(Sebastian) "That or press the upload button."

He begins to walk away but I stand in front of him stopping him.

(Sebastian) "What else do you want?"

(Mia) "I want to know what gives you the right to pick on my friends? What are you so scared of? That we are going to win? We already have. The second you started all these childish games, we won. How does the feel, Smythe? That we have beaten you and the competition hasn't even started?"

With every sentence I spoke, I stepped closer to him. By the end, we were inches away from each other. I was looking up at him with my arms crossed. We stood there for a while in silence. Then, by my surprise, he grabbed me by the face and kissed me. I was shocked. I pushed him off of me and slapped him in the face.