Biracial

Chapter 3:

Asia.

Like I told Rashad, I couldn't blame him for not knowing I existed. My sister and I have always had a strained relationship and it stemmed from our childhood. She and Nathan were twins, and I came along a year later, throwing a curveball into life as she knew it. She was used to being daddy's girl, getting everything she wanted – all at one year old.

Everything that involved me became a competition. I wanted to dance as a child, she had to be the prima ballerina. I wanted to sing in the youth choir, she finessed her way into the main choir – in school and in church. Everything Emery could do to make sure I was in the background, she did.

Eventually I became invisible. I stopped playing her games because they were stupid and did my own thing under the radar. I began to play my own little games. I used daddy's little girl to my advantage and ultimately, what I said went.

When I didn't want Emery to know I had a recital or a game, she didn't. When I wanted to spend time with a parent, I made sure it was only us. In doing so, I became dad's favorite. We did everything together and that only worsened my relationship with Emery.

But it pushed her closer to our mother.

As I got older, my mother and I didn't have the greatest relationship. She loved me, of course, but anybody could tell the differences between the dynamics of our relationship, versus hers and Emery's.

The day my father died – everything went to shit. We were still children, only 11 and 12 years old, but everyone took his death differently. Emery was hurt, of course, but she had a solid relationship with our mother to fall back on. Nathan withheld his emotions and went through his grieving process in the comfort of his room. I, on the other hand, took his death the worst. My father was the only parent I felt like I truly had. He was my solid ground and my best friend. Losing him felt like the end of the world.

Three years went by and there hadn't been any improvement in my relationship with my sister. There were times where if no one knew better, they would've thought we weren't related. We fought all the time, mostly over miniscule things, but there wasn't a sisterhood in place where we could have a falling out and bounce right back. We held grudges.

It's been two years since then, and we were still holding on to the pettiest grudge yet. And sadly, it involved the male species.

I was in the ninth grade when I had finally gotten to see Rashad Lancaster up close. I would see him every now and then in school, but the real bonus was that he was good friends with my brother, so he spent a lot of time at our house. I'd always catch glances of him as he passed my bedroom on the way to Nate's room or when he was coming or going. Thinking back, I was lowkey a stalker.

Like a child with a crush, I began to write about him in my diary. Sometimes I wrote our name with hearts around it. Y'know – normal shit. However, I didn't count on my sister being a dirty bitch back then. She read my diary and she teased me for it. She told me that he'd never know I existed, let alone like me. And damn, she sure did make that happen.

Before I knew it, she was pursuing Rashad and she wasn't afraid to throw that in my face. It was a nightmare for me honestly. The tables had turned, and the games had begun once again.

What I didn't know was that I would flip the table over when I got involved with Carson. It really wasn't news to me when I found out that she had the biggest crush on that boy. I'd heard her reference him multiple times while she was on the phone gossiping. I just didn't know who he was until he approached me. Initially, it was about revenge but that subsided when I found myself falling for the fool.