𝗽𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝘃𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 // 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗼𝗱𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗟𝗮𝘂𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲

𝗦𝗰𝗲𝗻𝗲 𝗧𝘄𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘆-𝗡𝗶𝗻𝗲: 𝗘𝘁 𝗝𝗲 𝗩𝗮𝗶𝘀 𝗝𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗲 𝗥𝗲𝗴𝗮𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗿

and i'll just watch

as i stepped down the stairs in my pink gown Pops looked at me with a happy expression. "my little girl is the most beautiful of all," he said and enveloped me into a hug. "you look dapper Pops" i smiled and kiss his cheek. we stood waiting for Teddy. while ensuring my jewellery looked correct i checked
myself in the mirror. once i turned back
from the mirror i saw him standing there.
his suit made him look just as handsome as ever, despite the pain he caused me he was still perfect inside and out to me.

he stared at me with his mouth slightly agape, i did not want to take my eyes off him, i had to remind myself, he was proposing to another woman later that day, he did not want me.
"let's go," i smiled, i linked arms with Pops and walked out of the door with Teddy trailing behind. we saw the amazing decorations of Meg's wedding set out. it illuminated the true beauty of the place we lived in. i split off from the boys to get to Meg's side.

when i say i had never seen a more beautiful bride, i meant it. Meg looked like a goddess, she exemplified the effects of true love, it made her glow. it really did bring tears to my eyes.
"Meg, you are truly the prettiest girl i ever have seen," she tilted her head to the side and smiled purely. she had just had a hard conversation with Jo about not leaving, i understood Meg's guilt right now, but we all knew she deserved the love.

"are you ready for this?" i whispered, she took a light breath.
"i always have been," she replied, and with that my best friend walked down the aisle with me only a few steps ahead.

-

the ceremony left no one with dry eyes.
as Meg danced with the love of her life the rest of the guests mingled.
Teddy seemed extremely nervous, no wonder, he was later to propose to a woman whom only i knew was not attracted to his gender whatsoever.
i wanted to tell him, however i knew i would lose Jo's trust. it was a tough decision, Teddy's heartbreak or Jo losing complete trust in me forever.
after everything that happened, Teddy was still the little boy that helped me though life, he was still the teenager who helped me finally come to terms with my parents death, he was still the guy who i shared my first kiss with.

after preparing myself internally for Jo's hatred, i approached Teddy.
"Teddy i have something to tell you, you can not-" he shook his head, i could almost feel the nerves radiating from him.
"i am so sorry Belle, i need to go, i'm going to do it now," he began to walk off.
i tried to chase him but lost him in the people. "Amy please tell me you know where Jo has gone," i pulled her to the side, she nodded, "she gone to the hills," Amy replied. i hugged her quickly before trying to make my way to the hills before anything could happen.

i saw them together. he already looked destroyed, it already happened.
i was too late. i was far too late.
"i think you will marry Jo. i think you will find someone and you will love them and you will live and die for them because that is your way and you will. And i'll watch," his voice full of pain. my heart was so heavy, i could have stopped it, i could have stopped it all. what i realised in that moment was that i was the one who watched, i was the one who saw him chose another over me.
"i have watched, for so long," i whispered to myself as a tear glided down my cheek.

i made my way back to the home. i did not know how to feel. i did not know if i should be mad, i knew that he did not chose me, i knew that i had felt raw pain for so long, i knew my worth.
he may have been heartbroken right now but i had been heart broken for so long. too long. i wanted to comfort him, but my heart hurt to much. he really did propose to her in the end, i was the second choice after all.

i ran to my room trying to avoid human interaction. i fell onto my bed and buried my head into the pillow. my sobs were muffled by my pillow, i was hurting more than every before. i never thought the day
would come that he showed i was second to her, i thought it would just be
a situation in my head. i was snapped out of my upset by a light knock on the door.
i wiped my eyes and tried to compose myself, "come in," i said, my voice still shaky.

the door opened and i saw something that hurt me. Teddy stood by the door with red eyes, his hear dishevelled, his cheeks stained by tears, and his body shaking.
i knew this look, it was the way i felt every time i thought of Teddy and Jo together. it was the way i felt right now, knowing he chose her and i could have stopped it.
he stood looking at me. i did not want to say anything wrong. i was too hurt myself even know what to say. i just opened my arms and he moved into them.

as we laid in each other arms, both heartbroken, i realised just how easier my life would have been if i did not let my feelings get the better of me.
"why doesn't she love me Belle?" he sobbed, "why don't you love me Teddy?" i replied. i felt him stiffen. i think he realised in the moment just what he had done. he held me tighter, "i do love you, i really do," he said, "but you love her more Teddy," i shook my head.
he suddenly sat up. i watched as he looked down on me. "Belle, i don't love her more, i love you so much more," he ran his hands through his hand,
"then why did you propose to her Teddy?" i hurt so much. "maybe i didn't want things to turn abstract, i did not want to ruin you. you deserve so much more than me Belle, so much more," his words hurt me. "but Teddy, haven't you seen, this has ruined me, my perception of love is so warped that i honestly do not even know that it is anymore. is it pain? is it jealousy? is it the butterflies? is it the heartache? is it the constant feeling that i am not good enough for the person whom i devoted my whole heart to? because i do not know Teddy, i do not know."
"i will teach you Belle, please," he pleaded but i just shook my head.
"i will not be anyone's second choice Teddy, i will no longer 'just watch', i want to live and to love, not to feel this pain. now please, just leave," although tears were falling from my eyes i kept my composure, i kept my voice calm, the only thing i did not keep was my happiness. it truly did leave me as i watched him do this to me. without another word he left my bedroom, he left my heart.