Someday - H.G + T.C

chapter 8

July 2, 2014

Francesca

I took a deep breath as I walked into therapy.

This could be the place that could either save me, or break me.

I've had therapy before, but noone really understood me back in California. Hopefully, here, will be different.

"Francesca Dallas?" A young girl, maybe about 20 came up to me.

I just nodded.

"Please follow me!" She was very cheerful which already brightened my mood. I walked into a pink room, with Christmas lights (even though its summer) and posters all around. She's just like me!

"I'm Victoria Young, but you can call me Vicky! You have beautiful hair Francesca."

"Please call me Fran.." I squeaked out.

"Oh well I'm gonna ask you a few questions so u better relax girl." She smirked. She's beautiful.

"On this sheet, it says that you are 14 years old, and that you were diagnosed with depression, anorexia, bi-polar disorder, and insomnia last summer. Is this true?" She looked sad for me. I nodded.

" When and how did this all happen?"

"My ex boyfriend-"I started. I felt tears well up in my eyes.

**FLASHBACK**

"MOM CAN I GO A FRIENDS HOUSE!?" I shouted through the house. It was Friday night, and after a long couple of days texting Brendan, I'm asking to go over.

"Who franners? " she said walking into my room.

"My friend Brendan! He's really sweet, he's in 8th grade, and gets good grades, and is on the football team! Pleaseeee you can meet his mom!" I begged. I didn't want Brendan to think I was a loser because my mom wont let me go to his house.

"Plus i think Abby is going!" I added. Abby is my best friend. We met In 3rd grade and have been inseparable ever since.

She pondered for a moment. " fine, but I want to meet his mom." I smiled. "Come down when your ready to go."

I asked Brendan what I should wear and he told me to just wear very comfortable clothes.

I text Abby telling her to dress comfortable if she goes, which she notified me that she is.

I threw on my outfit and put a few things like my phone charger, some snacks, and just some girl necessities in my bag.. (Picture attached)

--at Brendan house--

I drove into his driveway in and saw Abby pull in too. We both walked in together, with my mom behind us. A tall women opened the door for us and told Abby and I that the guys were in the basement.

As me and Abby made our way down the stairs, we heard my mom talking and laughing with his mom. I smiled.

Brendan greeted me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek and I blushed. He grabbed my hand and pulled Abby along with him.

"We were just in a game of truth or dare, and it would be way better with some girls. Wanna join?" He smirked at us. "Gladly." I smirked back.

We sat down.

"Fran, truth or dare?" Abby asked right away. Oh no, she knew how much I liked Brendan. Either one could be bad. "Dare?" I said, but it came out more as a question.

"I dare you to-"

**END OF FLASHBACK**

"And, I kissed him." I sighed.

"Keep going! Your doing great." Vicky said.

I explained how we dated, and how he humiliated me. By now I was sobbing into her arms. It feels like this happens everyday with a different person.

"Im so sorry" I whispered.

"No! Don't you ever apologize for anything. None this is your fault. You are such a wonderful girl. Did anything happen before Brendan that also may have triggered this?" She wiped my tears after my crying slowed.

"Well, my parents got divorced when I was 7 and my dad committed suicide after.." I trailed off.

"Have you ever attempted suicide? " she asked cautiously.

"Yes. 4 times. I cut a lot too."

"How many days clean are you?"

"Uhm I cut yesterday. I'm sorry." I apologized again.

"I know girls who spill I'm sorrys from their mouth like they pump blood through their veins. Sometimes, I am one. I know girls who apologize for asking to go to the bathroom in class, who apologize for everything because they feel like they're taking up more of their fair share of space on this planet. Everything starts with an I'm sorry and ends with one too, constant bookends that we don't even notice anymore. We delete her apology the way we delete 'like' and 'ums' from speech. I know girls with 10 times more apologies than misdemeanors. I wonder how often they hear its okay. You're more than okay."

"What ever happened to this Abby girl?"
She looked around.

"Well she moved to new York a few months after that. We don't talk anymore." I admitted.

"You are so strong. Some people don't even talk In therapy, which makes it very difficult. I am so proud of you, and I can tell we are going to be super close. Your brother is waiting In the lobby for you." She gave me a hug and a piece of paper. "Text or call me If you need someone to talk to, any time of the day. Please call me." She hugged me once more and I walked out and met my brother.

"How are you lil sis?" He asked. Now that I think about it, it did feel good to have someone understand me.

"I'm okay." I smiled half heartedly. He could see right through me. He knew that I was still completely broken, yet he still managed to have hope to help me.

"I love you cam." I hugged him. He hugged back and replied with i love you.