A Sky Full of Stars - 13th Doctor x Reader

Strong

The doctor and the others were watching you on the Tardis screen.

"I feel so bad for her" Ryan said.

"It's awful, why did he do this to her?" Yaz said.

"She's strong... she could fight it, I'd hate to not be in control of my own body" Graham said sadly.

"I hate seeing her that way, her actions, completely out of her control" the doctor almost whispered.

"She still managed to fight it though, doctor" Graham said.

"She's incredibly strong willed" the doctor said, "resisting it was causing her so much pain...she will still be in pain, that thing will still be burning inside her head" the doctor said, looking at you on the screen, curled up in the corner, your head in your hands.

"Can we make it stop?" Graham asked, "Surly you can do something doc, so she doesn't just have to painfully sit there and wait it out?" he asked.

You could feel all the pain throughout your body now.  Images were flashing through your head of what had just happened, how you were not in control, how you almost shot something. 

You felt ashamed and angry with yourself. Your knuckles were throbbing in pain and you could see dried blood smeared all over your hands and going down your arms.

Your wrists had deep cuts around them, imprinted from the handcuffs. They were badly bruised.

"Of course, I can't leave her in pain..." the doctor said, "Besides, I need to sort out her hands and arms" she sighed.

"I doubt she'll let you anywhere near her, to do that right now" Yaz sighed.

"I'm going to have to sedate her...again" the doctor said sadly. 

"I'll have to use a powerful sedative that I wouldn't normally use, it will be the only thing that can stop that thing inside of her and calm her enough so that she can sleep it off and I can treat her injures" she explained.

The others nodded in agreement.

"How are you going to stick a needle in her, she'll probably lose it with you" Ryan said.

"I'm hoping she can remain in control, I just need to try and not let her see it and get close enough to her" the doctor sighed.

"I'll do it" Graham said, the others looked at him, slightly shocked.

"She won't be expecting me to go in there, I don't think she'll hurt me...I didn't have any contact with her when she wasn't in control" he explained.

"It's too dangerous" the doctor said.

"Please...I want to try and talk to her, she's probably feeling all kinds of emotions right now, If she doesn't respond well to me, I'll be straight out that door" Graham said.

The doctor looked him in the eye and sighed, "If she shows any sign that she's not in control, you get straight out of there!" she said.

Graham nodded.

"fine" she said.

"Be careful Grandad" Ryan said.

The doctor handed him the syringe with the sedative in.

"Just a quick jab to the upper arm will do...or anywhere really if you have to" she sighed.

Graham nodded and carefully put it in his jacket pocket, the needle was protected by a plastic cover.

He opened the door and hesitantly stepped in.

You looked up and stared at him.

The rage was trying to divert you again, telling you to release itself on him. Your head was burning.

"Stay back" you shouted.

Graham didn't move and stood still, putting his hands up slightly.

"What do you want?" you snapped.

"I just want to talk" Graham said.

"I'm trying incredibly hard not to release this thing inside me and give it what it wants" you said.

"I know, you're doing great" he said gently.

"It wants me to hurt you" you said, sounding slightly scared.

"It wants you to, not you...you don't want to" Graham said, "Just remember that, everything that happened today, you were not in control, so you must not blame yourself" he said, softly.

"I do blame myself...I'm weak, Ki-hal could see that, see the anger already inside of me, he chose me because I'm weak" you almost whispered.

The others were watching you both on the screen, the doctor's eyes filled with sadness, hearing you talk about yourself like that.

"You're not weak" Graham said, "you are strong...stronger than anyone I know, you have been fighting back against something uncontrollable all day...others would just have gave in to it, but not you!" Graham said passionately.

You looked him in the eye.

"I almost shot that dalek...I wanted to shoot it" you said sadly.

"Of course you did (y/n)" Graham said, "One of those things took away the people you loved most...the point is you didn't, even with that thing burning inside you. That makes you stronger and braver then you even realise" Graham said.

"I almost made the decision to kill what killed Grace before, and I didn't have that thing burning through me. And I would have done it if it wasn't for Ryan...that was the first time he called me grandad that day, the first time he told me that he loved me".

"You managed to stop yourself...you did that, you were mentally strong enough to stop it!" Graham said.

You looked at him, feeling a little bit of light come back inside of you.