A Sky Full of Stars - 13th Doctor x Reader

Flaws

Trigger warning - This chapter contains self harm (cutting) and talks about lots of sensitive issues and feelings that I know are unfortunately very real for some people (myself included). Please only read if you feel comfortable to do so.

You entered your bedroom and threw yourself on the floor, your back leaning against your bed.

You pulled your knees up, resting your elbows on them and placing your head in your hands.

"I'm such an idiot" you thought.

"Why did I have to reach for the drink again...why did I have to upset my doctor" you thought sadly.

"She hates me now; I don't even know why she liked me  in the first place, let alone love me... I mess everything up. I'm such a burden, I'm broken...worthless" you thought.

Your thoughts continued to spiral out of your control, overwhelming you.

Your heart beat rapidly in your chest, you felt like you couldn't breathe.

You just wanted the thoughts to stop.

You grabbed your hair, hands on your head, rocking back and forth and let out a scream of anger.

You'd do anything to make them stop...

You suddenly remembered the small, sharp pocketknife you had put in your bottom draw, just in case you ever needed it.

You reached your shaking hand out, pulling the draw open.

You could see the blade, metallically glistening in the light, reflected from the stars; twinkling above you, from the ceiling.

It was mesmerising, almost like it was pulling you in.

You quickly grabbed it and held it out in front of you, just staring at it for a moment.

"Do you really want to do this?" you thought to yourself.

"It will help distract you... you can focus on another sort of pain, instead of the one inside your head" you heard your mind say.

You brought the blade down, so it was resting on your forearm. You were not thinking straight, the alcohol wasn't helping.

Your breathing quickened and your body began to shake.

You pushed down on the blade, feeling it painfully pierce your skin.

You watched as crimson liquid slowly began flowing out.

You pulled down on the blade, ripping through your flesh, creating a large gash along your arm.

You screamed out in pain, you forgot how much this hurt.

It was working though, the only thing you could think of was the stinging pain, burning down your forearm.

You pulled the blade out, getting ready to cut again.

"NOOO!" you heard the doctor scream, as she opened the door.

"What do you think you're doing!" she was looking at you, so shocked and heartbroken.

She dropped down beside you.

You didn't even register she was there, almost like you were in a trance,  you went to hurt yourself again.

The doctor put a strong hand on your arm that was holding the knife, holding it tightly and preventing you from bringing it down again.

"Let me go!" you shouted.