Damgeen High School Musical (Double Trouble Series #2)

Chapter 47

Chapter 47

Memories

"For the nth time, Rave. Where is he?"

For the record, I must say that it was one of the most vicious tone I ever had in my life.

Kasalukuyan kaming nasa smoking area. Wala dapat ako rito ngunit dahil sinundan ko si Rave, hindi na naituloy pa ang balak na magpausok.

He leaned his left elbow against the wall and scratched his forehead using the back of his left thumb. I knew he's fed up with my capricious questions but I wouldn't stop pestering him until I got the answer I was looking for.

"I told you, he's just somewhere and you don't have to worry," he sighed frustratedly.

I terribly licked my lips and peeped at nowhere far. I got a bad feeling about this. Especially now that I'm starting to feel guilty. I felt terrible as my memory of him saying he's done as if he's so tired of everything about me surged in my mind like a flashback.

Napapikit ako. Tinakpan ko ng dalawang kamay ang mukha bago itiklop ang mga tuhod padausdos sa sahig. I heard Rave Jackson's groan because of what I did but I just couldn't handle the weight inside me.

"Ang tanga-tanga ko. Nasisiraan na ako ng bait. I am a fucking immature bitch. Freaking deranged and mentally-"

"It's not your fault, princess. Why are you even blaming yourself?"

Bumuga ako ng hangin. Hindi alam ni Rave ang naging usapan namin ni Emman, sigurado ako roon. If the latter told him that, then Rave wouldn't question my reaction right now, that I was blaming myself for it.

Mali ba ang naging desisyon ko? Wala naman akong ibang hinangad kundi ang malaman ang tunay kong pagkatao. No one would ever understand what that shit feels. Hindi nila ako maiintindihan. I was desperate to know the truth at the expense of my relationship with Emman. Knowing you're missing an integral part of your life was lethal. Nagbago ang tingin sa ko sarili nang nalaman iyon. Nagbago pati ang pananaw ko sa buhay.

That...

That was a very life-changing turn of my life... when I learned about my condition. Questions never left me since then. Terror always embraced me along with anxiety, trust issues, and fear of the unknown.

For me, I wasn't only making a mountain out of a molehill. It wasn't just my fucking immaturity to push it just because I wanted it for nothing.

It was searching for my soul and the purpose of my life. It was finding out who I really was. Without it, I don't think I could go on and be casual with everyone again.

How could I be able to fix everything around me if I wasn't fixed myself?

How could I love him completely if I wasn't even complete myself?

After knowing that I lost a vast amount of memory from my past, my head and heart felt empty. So... could you really blame me for asking about the truth?

It felt ridiculous being in oblivion of your own life. Why couldn't I know myself just like how much they knew about me? Wasn't it my right to know? Mali ba ako?

My past was just like my own intellectual property. So was it wrong to claim what's rightfully mine? And be vengeful because they're depriving me of my own being and identity? Hindi ko na alam. Para bang natatakot na rin akong magdesisyon para sa sarili kaya kailangan ko ng kasagutan.

"Tumayo ka na dyan, Mich. Baka hinahanap na tayo sa loob."

Hindi ako nakasagot. Rinig ko ang pagbuntong-hininga niya na animo'y may gagawing pagsisisihan kalaunan.