Plead
The night when I broke up with Paolo and I broke his heart, became a ringing bell for me. Something inside me woke me up from my long decadent moment. I know I have to do something now.
I decided to free him while working on bringing myself back. I will try to gain myself again, and this time no news can falter me like before. He gave me courage and reason to stand up again.
Hindi ko hiniwalayan si Paolo dahil hindi ko na siya mahal, mahal ko siya kaya ko siya hiniwalayan. Gusto ko na maging deserving sa pagmamahal niya, kaya naman hindi na ako matatakot lumaban ngayon.
After that night I asked my mom to schedule an appointment with a doctor she knows that could help me. I realized that in order to be free in this prison of distress I need to be brave enough to face everything. The stigma around me can't hinder me in rebuilding myself anymore.
I know this is what the old Chao will definitely do.
Aminado ako na takot at kabado ako sa pagharap sa doktor, pero kung hindi ko ito gagawin ngayon, kailan pa? Kung hindi ako magpapakatatag ngayon, may magbabago ba? Kung isa siya sa makakatulong sa paggaling ko, hindi na ako mahihiyang manghingi pa ng tulong.
Paolo never accepted our breakup, he always visits me in our house to try to plead for a second chance. I badly wanted to accept him, but I know I need to stand my decision. Kaya naman sa tuwing pumupunta siya, hindi ako lumalabas ng kwarto ko. Ayoko makausap siya at makita siya dahil baka maging marupok ako at pumayag na lang sa gusto niya.
Baka kapag nakita ko siyang umiyak sa harapan ko, yakapin ko siya bigla at sabihing 'oo' at ayos na kami. Hindi ako pwedeng maging reckless at selfish ngayon.
"Did he visit you again last night?" Tanong ni Dra. Martinez
After weeks of going to hospital, my nervousness and uneasiness gradually disappeared. Dra. Martinez is indeed a great psychologist, she really helped me a lot. And she's not only my doctor, she becomes my friend too.
Dra. Martinez is a lovely woman in her early thirties, sa totoo lang tinuturing ko na rin siya ngayong ate ko. Never ako nagkaroon ng ate dahil ako ang panganay, kaya naman natutuwa akong makahanap ng ate sa katayuan niya.
She often asks me about my thoughts, my experiences, and everything I can share. Hindi naging mahirap para sa akin na magkwento sa kaniya dahil kahit propesyunal siya, tinuturing niya akong kaibigan para maging mas kumportable ako sa pag o-open up ko sa kaniya.
She know who's Paolo in my life. I told her on my first meeting with her, that Paolo is one of my reasons why I'm fighting. Lagi ko siyang kwine-kwento kay Dra. kaya alam niya na nga ata ang buong love story namin.
"Yes po," sagot ko sa tanong niya.
Tapos na ang school year at narinig ko kay Ria na nakapasa naman raw ng second year si Paolo. I'm glad that me talking to him that night knocked some sense on him. Hindi ko ata mapapatawad ang sarili ko kung hindi siya makakapag-third year sa susunod na pasukan.
"How's summer classes?" tanong ulit ni Dra. Martinez.
Yes, nakapasa rin ako ng second year kahit na buong second semester ko ay wala naman akong ginawa. Paolo did all the work, together with my friends. I really appreciate all their help, that's why I want to be completely healed before the next school year starts, so that their sacrifices will not go in vain.
Marami na akong utang na loob sa kanila, kailangan ko na bumawi.
"It's getting fine day by day," sagot ko naman.
