Chasing the Sun (COMPLETE)

chapter twenty three

Harry

I'd once again fucked up. Majorly fucked up. And I didn't know what I could do to fix it. I'd tried calling, texting, showing up at the house when she was there but all I got back was silence. It's not like I didn't deserve it because I did. I absolutely fucking did.

Blue had gotten twelve stitches in her hand thanks to me. She had a panic attack that night because of me. They almost didn't let her leave the hospital because of it. Blue barely spoke to the doctor, her focus solely on a random spot on the wall. Josie had thought she was just in shock and I knew if I told her what'd I'd said, I would be a dead man. I should have told her because I definitely deserved it.

I'd been staying at the cabin. I cleaned up, brought some of my old furniture back from Kennedy's, and made sure I had no alcohol anywhere. I showed up for work regularly but it wasn't the same, not without Blue there. Kennedy had tried to get ahold of me multiple times, so much so that I had to change my number. I texted it to Blue but I knew she wouldn't answer. I didn't know how to fix this bad of a fuck up.

"Harry, you coming to Josie's tonight for the fire?" Daisy's voice shook me out of my thoughts. She'd come in after we closed for a tattoo, talking to me about her shop, asking me how I was doing, and even asked if there was anything going on with Blue and I. I strategically avoided the subject by saying I'd been too busy with work to see her.

"Uhm, I don't know if I was invited," I answered, licking my lips before attaching the gun to her thigh once more.

"Why wouldn't you be? Because of what happened at the cabin? Harry, that wasn't your fault." Except it was, it most definitely was because if I hadn't been drunk and stupid, Blue would have never fallen on the glass. The hurt on her face the moment the words had fallen out of my mouth was a sight I never wanted to see again. It was as if I had slapped her right across the face.

"I still feel pretty bad about it.." My voice trailed off as I finished the last line of the tattoo. She looked down at it, saying the ink looked amazing as always before I covered it. She hopped up, handing me cash before walking to the door.

"Thanks Harry! Also, please come tonight. We all miss you!" I told her I'd think about it before cleaning up my station and locking the door for the night.

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I wasn't sure why I thought coming was a good idea but I really wanted to at least try to talk to Blue. Granted, cornering her at a get together was probably not my brightest idea but maybe this way she'd actually acknowledge my existence.

     I walked up the sidewalk to Josie's house, a bouquet of roses shaking in my hand. I took a deep breath before knocking, hearing Josie shouting she was coming. She opened the door, a smile on her face as she realized it was me. I guess Blue didn't tell her the real reason she'd fallen on the piece of glass. She pulled me in for a hug before ushering me inside.

     "Did you bring me flowers Dream Boat Styles?" She wiggled her eyebrows at me, making me laugh. I shook my head, my hand moving to the back of my neck as I cleared my throat.

     "They're actually for Blue." She rolled her eyes as she made her way into the kitchen and grabbing a vase from her cabinets.

     "Yeah, I know that, you goof," She filled the vase with water before taking the flowers out of my hand to cut them to fit, "She hasn't left her room much since that day at the cabin. Maybe you and flowers can cheer her up. Everyone's out back so try and get her to come out of her hole will you? I'm really starting to worry." I gave her small smile, telling her I'd try my best as she made her way out the back door.

     I took another deep breath before grabbing the vase and trying to muster up some courage as I made my way to Blue's door. I knocked once, hearing her yell that she wasn't feeling well but to tell everyone she said hello. I knew she assumed I was Josie. I turned the knob slowly, my eyes instantly locking with Blue's dark ones.

     She was sitting up in bed, a book in her hand. She wore a large yellow t-shirt and her hair was up in a bun. Glasses rested on her small nose and there were dark circles beneath her eyes. Her mouth fell into a flat line as she realized that it was me and not Josie coming to drag her outside. Her gaze dropped to the roses, her expression never changing.

     "Hey Blue...I, uhm, I brought you some roses, your favorite," I gave her a sheepish smile, hoping to get some sort of reaction from her but I received nothing. She set her book down, closing it harshly and revealing her wrapped hand, "How's the hand? The guys really miss you at the shop. So do the walk-ins, they keep ask-"

     "What do you want Harry?" She crossed her arms over her chest, sucking the air out from her cheeks. I set the flowers down on her desk with a sigh before running my hands through my hair.

     "Blue, I want you to know how sorry I am for what I said. I was drunk and out of my mind, which isn't an excuse. I never should have said what I did to you. I know you were just trying to help me and I fucked up. I fucked up so bad." Her expression never changed as her eyes drifted to her comforter. She played with a few frayed pieces, her shoulders falling forward.

     "I blame myself for that night. I have since it happened. There's so many 'what if's'. What if I hadn't been drunk. What if I would have caught on. What if I hadn't gone to the party in the first place. What if I could have saved him. What if I had known he was struggling. I could have stopped him if I had stayed home that night," He voice was breaking and I wanted nothing more than to pull her into my chest and hold her tight until she felt whole again, "And then you go and tell me I let my brother die, drunk or not. You used the most awful thing that had ever happened to me, against me, when all I was trying to do was help you." Her glassy eyes met mine and I felt my heart just shattering. The pain in her eyes and words made me feel even worse than I already did.

     "I never meant it. I said it in the moment and I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of it." I knew I was grasping at straws, I'd run out of words to apologize.

     "I don't know how to forgive you but more importantly, I don't know how to forgive myself."

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will she forgive him??