Chasing the Sun (COMPLETE)

chapter fifty two

Indigo

Dinner had gone as expected, my parents bombarding both Harry and I with questions about Malibu, about the past couple of months, and of course asked about Josie. I'd invited her to tag along with Harry and I but she had a few work obligations so she wasn't able to come. She told me we'd plan a trip back in a month and she'd be sure to come then. My mom grilled Harry on every personal detail of his life, making me slightly embarrassed but Harry handled it like a champ. He really was a charmer, especially with my parents.

After everyone had finished, I gave Harry a short tour of our small home. It didn't take very long to show him the few rooms downstairs and three of the four rooms upstairs. I avoided Skye's room as I hadn't been in there since that day, I don't think anyone had. We ended the tour in my room and I loved watching Harry's face as he tried to take everything in at once.

My room was busy; pictures, tapestries, and old records filled almost every inch of the walls. I honestly couldn't tell you the last time I'd redecorated or took a photo down. I pretty much left everything up, only adding to the photo collages and old records from thrift shops. My bed spread was orange and white tie dyed, something Josie and I had done one lazy summer afternoon years ago. My bed sat in the far corner and the only other furniture in my room was my dresser and a desk that I conveniently never once used for desk purposes. It mostly held items I didn't have a better place for.

Harry spun around the room a few times, stopping to read the labels on the records or look at old photos. He laughed at a few older ones of Josie and I, most of them when I went through a phase of straight bangs and curly hair. I have to admit, not my best fashion choice but it did beat the buns I used to basically sit on my forehead. The pictures of Skye and I though, those were the ones that made my heart break just a little more. I hadn't looked at a picture of Skye since I'd left, purposely avoiding my camera roll other than to take a few pictures of Josie and I or Harry and I.

"You guys look exactly alike." Harry stared, his brows knitted together as he studied a picture of Skye and I from our birthday last year.

"Well yeah, we would considering we were twins." I laughed, earning an eye roll.

"You both look really happy in this photo." I bit the inside of my cheek as I remembered just how happy we both were that day after Skye managed to pull me out of my sour mood. I moved closer to Harry to get a better look, my chest feeling heavy as I took note of the bright smile on Skye's face.

Skye took the photo after our jam session and you could see the sun starting to set in the background. My smile was just as wide as Skye's, my cheeks flushed from belting out song lyrics. I'd like to think that he was absolutely happy this day and not an ounce of sadness was flowing through his body.

Remember me happy. Remember me goofy. Remember me as the life of the party. Remember me for the person I was around you, because that was the real me.

     "Indigo! Your dad wants to show Harry the old Camaro in the garage when you guys are done!" My moms voice pulled me from my thoughts, my eyes meeting Harry's. He gave me a sad smile as he placed his left hand on my cheek and leaned in to kiss my forehead. I was thankful he didn't say anything although he knew I had been stuck in my head momentarily. I'd been doing that a lot in the past three days and I felt bad for it, but coming home also meant remembering that Skye wouldn't be here so I couldn't help but feel a little lost.

     "Let's go downstairs, maybe talk to your mom and clear your head a little bit? I'm excited to check out this Camaro, although, is your dad going to give me the 'father to boyfriend talk?' Am I supposed to act afraid?" I rolled my eyes, smiling as he slung his arm over my shoulders and steered us out of my room.

     "If anyone were to give you that talk, it'd be my mom and I think we both know that." I said as we made our way back downstairs. We met my mom on the back porch who pointed Harry in the direction of the old garage. He gave me a quick kiss before jogging out to meet my dad.

     I took a seat in the rocking chair by my mom, both of us quiet for a moment as we watched the two men fawning over my dad's old car that definitely hasn't run since the late 80's. I could tell by Harry's facial expressions that he was having a good time and his body language told me he was comfortable, all of these actions bringing a smile to my face.

     "You love that boy, don't you?" I turned to my mom, seeing a knowing smile on her face as my cheeks turned red.

     "Probably too much for my own good." I laughed nervously, pulling my knees up to my chest and resting my chin on them as I turned my attention back to the two men I loved most in this world.

     "He loves you too, you know that?" I nodded, telling her he told me that he did not too long ago, "I think he's good for you, honey. He brings out a side of you I haven't seen since- well, you know. You're so much lighter and I haven't seen you smile like that in a long time. It's good to see you so happy, sweetie." I could hear my mom getting choked up, making my eyes begin to water. I bit my lip, looking over at her again.

     "I read his letter," My mom's eyes grew wide as she wiped beneath them, trying her hardest to blink the tears away, "I was so angry with him, so hurt, so confused on why he didn't tell any of us he was so broken. Most days, I still feel all those things and I don't know how to forgive him or myself but I'm trying. I don't think any of us will ever understand but maybe we're not supposed to. I miss him, every minute of every day and I don't know if this hole in my chest will ever completely heal but I'm trying to find it within myself to breathe again, to live again because thats what Skye wanted for me," My mom and I both had tears streaming down our faces, her hand reaching out to hold mine, "I'm sorry I packed up and left momma, but if I didn't go, I would have drowned too. I love you and Dad so much, but I had to do something to save myself." She was shaking her head now, a shaky sigh leaving her lips.

     "I feel the same way you do, your daddy does too. We love you so very much and neither of us blame you for doing what you did. I mean, just look at you! You're a whole different person, a better version of yourself. I know that Skye was your source of sunlight for a long time but right now, I can see so much sunshine within you it's incredible. What Skye did isn't your fault, it's not my fault, it's not your daddy's fault, it's not anyone's fault. It took me a long time to realize that. We'll all heal, we're healing every day, it's just going to take some time." I nodded, squeezing my mom's hand as we both smiled through our tears, laughing as we wiped them away.

     A part of me felt lighter in a way, knowing that my parents were doing okay. We were all still hurting, we were all still healing, but we were also living each day to the fullest now because we know that another day isn't promised and that finding something in each day that makes us happy was extremely important. I thought coming home would only deepen my wound but instead, I felt that hole in my chest repairing itself just slightly.

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kind of a heavy chapter but i really like this one