Chasing the Sun (COMPLETE)

epilogue

Dear Sunny,

     I don't really know how to start this letter as I was never one for writing my feelings on paper but since it's officially been two years without you, I thought that it might be a good time to write you back. Well, actually, my therapist recommended it but still, I'm the one doing the work so you gotta give me a little credit too.

     I miss you. I miss you more than the moon misses the sun or the shore misses the tide. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about you. That I don't think about what we'd be doing right now, how different life would be if you were still in it. Don't get me wrong, I've been getting better at not dwelling on the 'what ifs.' Harry helps me a lot with that but some days are harder than others.

     The nightmares are pretty much nonexistent anymore, the last one being the first anniversary of your death. Josie, Harry, and I had gone back home to be with mom and dad so we could spend that weekend together, get through it together. Harry and I spent that day visiting all of our old favorite places. I took him through the backroads and was sure to show him the patch of wildflowers we'd discovered that one summer. I took him to the arcade, the movie theater, all of the thrift shops, and ended the day at the pizzeria. My mind was elsewhere most of the day but the good memories dulled the pain a little.

     But, that night, I'd woken up in a cold sweat, screaming your name until my throat burned. I'd woken the whole house, none of us being able to sleep afterwards. I was pretty torn apart after that and poor Harry was left to pick up the pieces. I could only imagine the emotional toll it'd taken on him having to watch me slowly sink back into my old self for a few weeks, the one I'd become right after you left. I still feel extremely horrible about it. I haven't had a nightmare since though, my dreams instead filled with our happy memories.

     I wish we could still be making memories, Skye. If I had one wish in this world, it'd be to bring you back. It'd be to fix the wrongs and try to correct the mistakes that were made by all of us. Maybe, just maybe, you'd want to stay then. But, everything happens for a reason, right? Losing you was the most devastating thing to happen in my life, but would I be where I am without what happened? Was this all part of some grand scheme? If it was, it was a shit one and I'd rewrite it until we got it right if given the chance.

     There's a hole in my heart that I don't think will ever be full again but with each day, it gets a little smaller. I guess time really does heal wounds. Well, maybe time and good company. I've made a whole new friend group here in Malibu and they're all amazing. I wish you could meet them because I know you'd fit right in. Honestly, I'm 1000% sure you and Harry would get along so well that I'd feel like a third wheel. I wonder if Harry feels that way when he, Josie, and I hang out?

     I cannot sit here and gush to you about Harry enough. I know you'd be rolling your eyes right now at every word but honestly, he's it, Skye. I never would have dreamed of it the moment we met on that beach a little over two years ago, but it's true. There's something that ties Harry and I's souls together just as the universe tied yours and mine. You two would get along very well and not just because he's a Packers fan and has an amazing taste in music. Although, I'm sure that wouldn't hurt.

He honestly looks like he was chiseled by the hands of God himself which is only like a fourth of the reason that I'm so in love with him that it hurts. But he's so much more than his looks. Harry is kind and gentle but can make me laugh like no one else, except maybe you. He gets that awful snorting of mine going that I'm so mortified of even though he says he loves it. He sings at the top of his lungs with me in the car and is always down to get ice cream at any hour of the day.