You're Not Enough

Chapter 55

I told myself I would wait until I fix my parent's relationship, and then I will kill myself, but I don't know. I don't know if I can wait. I'm just so tired.

Ryder pulls in front of the school. I stare at the school; I don't get out yet. I know I need to, but my body just won't move.

"You don't have to go in if you don't want to," Ryder says.

I sigh, "I have to." I put my hand on the door handle.

I feel him place his hand on my left hand. My insides warm a little. I turn back to him. "I meant what I said." He says. His dark green eyes burn into mine. He bits the bottom of his lip and then says, "I don't like hurting you."

"Then why do you do it?" I bluntly ask. He doesn't answer me. I look back at school. "You're not coming in?" I ask him when I realize he pulled into the drop-off spot and not into a parking spot.

"No, I have something to take care of." He tenses up. I want to ask him what things, but I decide against it.

"Will you be here later?" I ask. Not knowing why.

He looks at me. "Why are you going to miss me?" he raises an eyebrow.

I huff. "Hardly. I just want to know if I'll be free from harassment today." He tenses up again at my comment. He looks angry at my words. I don't know why he would be. What he does, grabbing me, pulling me, being controlling, that's harassment. "Well, thank you," I say.

"Sure." He responds.

I open the door and get out of the car. I watch him as he drives out of the parking lot. Maybe he is changing; perhaps my words have finally pierced through his steel heart—my phone dings.

When I pull it out, my heart skips a beat at the name that comes across my phone— Travis. I slide open the message.

*You owe me a lot of money. Meet me at 5 behind your school. Maybe we can work something out. -Travis

I look up from my phone, and then I look around as if this message was just read aloud and heard by everyone. I put my phone back into my pocket and then walk up the steps and into the school building.

It's 11:10 now, 3rd period, which means English has already started. I guess it's a good thing Ryder didn't come. It would've definitely looked suspicious with both of us walking into the classroom late— together.

I hesitate before opening the classroom door. Mr.Brooks looks at me and stops talking. When I walk in, as always, everyone looks at me.

"Here you go," Mr.Brooks says, handing me a piece of paper. It's the poem for today.

The name is If I Should Die by Emily Dickinson.

I walk to the back of the class and sit in my usual seat beside Violet. "Hey," I whisper to her.

"Hey," she says back. She looks distracted. I wonder what's wrong with her. I'll ask her after class.

"Would anyone care to read the poem out loud?" My teacher asks. As always, Nobody raises their hand. "Nobody? he looks around the class. "Well, I decided to come up with a little method to help our— participation problem" He walks behind his desk and opens his draw; he pulls out a cup filled with popsicle sticks. Everyone laughs when they see the cup.

"You're not serious?" Zach says.

"Oh, I am. No one wants to participate, so this is how I will get you all to participate." Mr.Brooks says.

"Just cause you to pull our name doesn't mean we will answer," Matt says.

"Well, if you don't, I'm sure you wouldn't mind explaining to Ms.Moore why you refused to speak." Mr.Brooks throws at him. Nobody says anything else. "Seems like you all have seen this before, so there's no need for me to explain how it works." He digs into the cup and then pulls out a stick.