You're Not Enough

Chapter 68

"So, 'My parent's friend's son,' Really?" Blair laughs, amused by the words I used to introduce Ryder.

"What?"

"Why did you introduce him like that?"

"He and I aren't friends, so I can't say this is my friend." I jokingly roll my eyes.

"So is that how you know him? Because he's your parent's friend's son?"

"No, he goes to my school."

Her mouth opens wide. "How old is he? He doesn't look like a high schooler."

"He's 19. He started school late." I explain.

"Hm." she sips her water. "Well, he's cute as shit," she says.

"Blair!" I gasp.

"I'm gay, not blind." We both burst into laughter.

"Enough about him, tell me about you, how are you? What's been going on? When I had asked you what you were doing here, I didn't mean here in New York." she clarifies, "I meant, what are you doing alive? The last time we were together, you made it pretty clear that I would never see you again because you were going to kill yourself. So what changed?"

I push my hair behind my ears. "A lot actually, at first that was the plan, but I went home to find all the knives and bleach and medication hidden. So, I decided to wait for my opportunity."

"So, did that opportunity not happen?" She raises her eyebrow, intrigued as to why I am alive.

I spend the next few minutes explaining to her why I didn't kill myself when I first got back home. Not just because my parents hide every harmful thing in the house but because I didn't want to be selfish and leave them knowing their relationship wasn't strong. I told her that I started back cutting instead, but then I add how I haven't cut in a week or two.

She asks me if my parent's relationship was strong now, and I tell her yes. She then asks what kept me from killing myself. I mention my brief fling with Caleb, playing a part in me not doing it.

I also mention how I ended that because I wanted to live for myself and not someone else. We then go on to talk about school and everything that's happening there.

I tell how I made friends. She then tells me that I can't have any friends because she wants to be my only friend.

Now we are talking about the fight between Ashely and me. She's very entertained by it.

"Tell me you beat that bitch up?"

"Blair." I jokingly scorn her. This shouldn't amuse her.

"What? I'm just saying, after all, she's done to you. She deserved what she got. And you stood up for yourself and for that girl." she says. "If Ryder is a part of the 'elite' people, how come he was talking to you? How come he's hanging out with you? Wouldn't he get kicked out or banished?" she laughs at how stupid all of this is sounds.

"They don't know; I'm a hundred percent sure Ashely doesn't know he's here. Or at least here with me."

"Or maybe she does, maybe he told her, I mean you did say he wants to change?"

"No, he doesn't. He's just saying that because... because... I don't know why he's saying it, but he's not serious, trust me. When we get back to school Monday, he will go back to being the same ignorant person he is. He'll never change." He won't. I know he won't; that's why I'm not even trying to think of the possibility of him changing.

"Maybe, maybe not. Maybe you should at least give him a chance."

"I'm good." I quickly say.

She shrugs her shoulders. "Okay, fuck him. Now you said you started medication?"