You're Not Enough

Chapter 38

"You went out with him?" James' asks a little too loudly from across the lunch table.

"Shhhh." I silence him looking around, making sure that no one heard his loud outburst.

"I'm sorry, I'm just surprised." He says the words lower.

"Why?" I ask him, raising one of my eyebrows.

"Nothing because of you." he clarifies. "I just... I mean, Caleb's just not known to be the type of person to take somebody on a date."

"And how do you know that?" Violet chimes in before taking a bite out of her apple.

"Well, I did date a guy from his school. I went to their parties. A lot of them, and each party I went to, he was always there with somebody different," he explains. "If he did date someone, it wasn't for long."

"Oh." It doesn't really matter what he's saying because I'm not dating him; we just hung out. I look down and play with the salad that is in front of me. I flip the lettuce over and over with my plastic fork.

"I mean that was then," James says, trying to soften up his words. "He can't be a player for the rest of his life, and I'm pretty sure you're the first girl he's ever taken out or at least the first girl he's taken out and didn't end up sleeping with her." he rambles, making things worse.

"I still can't believe you kissed him," Violet says, still stuck on that.

I think back to last night. After the movie, he drove me back home. He walked me up to my door and then kissed me. It was weird. It didn't feel how I expected it to feel. I kissed him back, but then again, I kind of didn't.

It was nothing like the kiss the couple that sat in front of us shared. My whole body tensed up when he kissed me. I didn't move at all. I did enjoy it, though. It was different...awful, but different.

"Violet," Liam says from behind me. Violet looks up at him. I turn my head to see him. I greet him with a smile; he doesn't smile back. I don't think he likes me very much.

"Hey, babe." She says.

"Student government is meeting," he tells her.

"Now?" her eyes stretch. "I thought we were meeting after school!"

"They changed it." He says sternly.

Violet gets up from the table, collecting her trash. "Well, I guess I'll see you guys later. Duty calls.'' She grabs her bag and walks off with Liam.

"I actually have to go too. I have an appointment with our counselor." James says.

"Is everything alright?" I ask him.

"Yeah, Mr.Simms is helping me with my college applications."

"Oh," I nod my head.

"Kay, well, I'll see you later. Text me." He says before walking away from the circle table and out of the cafeteria.

I continue to play with my salad, still flipping it over and over. Surely if I were at home at the dinner table, my mother would scold me for playing with my food. "It's not proper table etiquette," she would say.

It's weird now that I'm sitting alone; I've gotten so used to being around James and Violet. I've forgotten what it felt like to be alone at school. I forgot the feeling of vulnerability I felt when sitting at the lunch table by myself. My eyes wander across the cafeteria. They land on Ryder and Ashely; Ashely is sitting beside Ryder. His arm is wrapped around her waist; her head is resting on him.

I get up from the table and walk over to the trash cans. I toss my half-eaten salad into the trash. When I turn around, I am startled by the tall figure in front of me. "Going somewhere?" Matt asks. My breathing becomes heavy. I don't know if I should respond or just stand here silent. I search the cafeteria with my eyes. Their teachers are here, so he can't do too much to me while in front of them. I try to move around him, but he slides in front of me.

"Look, I just wanted to say sorry. I should've never done that to you in front of the school." He says the words, but they don't sound sincere. Should I believe him? I really don't care about his apology. I don't even want his apology. I want to get away from him. Out the corner of my eye, I see Zach come up to us. He stands on the side of me. I feel trapped, cornered.

"What are you doing?" Zach asks. He takes a chip out of his bag and puts one in his mouth.

"Nothing. Just apologizing to Jayda about what happened last week." Matt smiles at me. His smile looks sickening; it's not warm or genuine.

"Really? You're apologizing for grabbing her ass in front of everyone. You're sorry about that?" Zach narrows his eyes at Matt; he doesn't believe him; neither do I.

"I really am sorry...I'm sorry I did it in front of everyone. I should've at least waited until she came back home with me." Matt and Zach both burst into laughter. I turn around and walk back over to my table. I grab my books and head for the exit.

"Oh, come back, Jayda. I was playing." Matt yells from across the cafeteria. I rush through the cafeteria doors. And go into the bathroom. I place both of my hands on the sink and try to get control over my breathing.

I look at myself in the mirror; my eyes are red, one tear falls from my right eye. The bathroom door flies open. I quickly wipe the tears and turn towards the door, it's Ryder.

"You can't be in here," I say; he doesn't say anything back. "You know this is the girl's bathroom, right?" He must not, or he wouldn't be in here.

"I don't care. There is nobody in here," he says back. I turn back to the sink and place my hands on both sides. I don't feel like arguing with him. Maybe if I stay silent, he will leave.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"Yes." I lie, just wanting him to go.

"What did they say to you?" he asks. I don't answer him. I stay silent. "Jayda!" He raises his voice a little, and I jump.

"Nothing, they just...Matt just fake apologized for what happened last week, and then he said he should have waited till I went home with him, and then they laughed."

"Are you okay?" he asks again. I hate the freaking question.

I turn away from the sink and look at him. "You already asked me that."

He moves closer. "Yeah, and you lied." he snaps.

I take a deep breath and look back into the sink. "Im..just tired...I'm so tired," I say in a low voice. I answered him honestly. I don't have the strength to lie, to pretend like everything is okay when it's not.

"Let's get out of here." He suggests.

"What?" I look back at him. He grabs my wrist. He doesn't grab it hard like he usually does; his touch is gentle and soft. He pulls a little, trying to walk me to the door. I pull the opposite direction on my heels. "Ryder, I can't...we can't just leave," I say to him. He turns back around and looks at me. His green eyes stare at me. "You can, but I can't come with you."

"Why not?" he asks.

"Because...I... I can't skip school."

"Come on; it's only three classes left. It's not like you're skipping the whole day." He says. He's still holding onto my wrist, but he's closer to me now.

"I can't skip with you." I put enfaces on the word you.

"Well, I'm not leaving unless you come with me."

I sign in defeat. "Fine," I say the words and instantly regret them. He reaches behind me with his left hand and grabs my books from me. He opens the bathroom door and holds it open for me; I walk past him and down the hall towards the front doors with him right behind me.