You're Not Enough

Chapter 103

I continue to pace back and forth in my room; it's 3 am I can't go to sleep. I can't stop thinking about what my father said, "That's because he isn't the one." How can he tell me who isn't the one? He doesn't know how I feel about Caleb, only I know.

I care about him, I do. Can't I just like someone? Why do I have to fall instantly in love with them? Love, at first sight, is not love at all... its lust, seeing the person on the outside before getting to know what's within.

Love at first sight is just a vain saying that some arrogant, egoistic person who cares more about their outer appearance than the inside came up with.

It isn't real.

My father shouldn't have never asked me about anything concerning love; now it's all that's on my mind. I sit and lay back onto my bed, sighing into the air. "Love, the strongest force known to mankind," I say out loud.

Stephaine Laurens once said, "Love truly is the most transformative power in heaven and earth."

It's no secret that love makes you do crazy things, but of course, it's only crazy to someone who hasn't experienced it. Hence why I call it crazy.

Love.

Maybe I do love Caleb.

A big part of being in love is wanting to protect that person, wanting to keep them safe. I would do anything for Caleb; I will always do whatever I can to protect him. I'm lying to him about looking for Katie. I'm doing it to keep him safe and away from Travis and all the demons from my past. I have to lie to him in order to keep him safe.

If something ever happened to him, I don't know what I would do, especially if that something was my fault.

Does me wanting to protect him necessarily mean that I love him?

Love isn't an emotion you sit around wondering about. If I loved him, I wouldn't be laying back on my bed, asking myself if I loved him or not; I would just know.

My phone rings, and I pull it out from under my pillow. It's him. I don't know why but something my grandmother said long ago before she passed pops in my head. She once said, how, when, you're thinking of someone there thinking of you. It seems like she was right, no surprise, she's a grandmother, there always right.

The phone continues to ring in my hand, I break away from the thoughts of my deceased grandmother and answer.

"Hello," he says as soon as the line picks up.

"Hey," I respond back in a low voice, I don't want my father to wake up.

"I'm surprised you're still up."

"Can't sleep." I simply say.

"Me neither." I wonder what he is thinking about. It must be pretty serious for him to be up at three. "You called me earlier," he says.

I forgot I called him this morning, well technically yesterday morning. What did I call him for? Oh yeah. "I did. It was nothing, really. I just wanted to make sure you were okay about what happened last night... with my dad." Even though my dad and I patched things up, I still think he was rude last night.

"I'm fine. I told you that was going to happen." He mocks. He did tell me I didn't listen. Maybe I should have listened; I should've just let him leave out the window. If I did, my father would've never known he was here. Then they wouldn't have had to have that awkward encounter, and better yet, that love conversation I had with my dad over lunch wouldn't have ever happened. I enjoyed our day out, but I'm positive if the events the other night never happened, he wouldn't have taken me anywhere. "What did your dad say?" he asks.