You're Not Enough

Chapter 91

Why would he lie? As I walk down the hallway to the cafeteria, that's all I can ask myself. Why would Mr.Shepard lie?

What was his purpose of telling me my work wasn't good if he really thought it was good?

Ms.Rodriguez sent him an email before I left. She said if he doesn't respond before five, then she would give him a call. She seems more upset about the situation than I am. I was probably as upset as her initially, but I have made peace with the situation; I've made peace with everything.

She's calling him to see if maybe there was a mistake or something. Even if there was, it wouldn't change anything. If he were to tell Mrs. Rodriguez that it was a mistake and that I do have a chance at NYU, I wouldn't go.

Would I?

Ugh, this is what I'm talking about. This freaking universe! It took the only thing I cared about away, just to possibly give it back to me a month later. What am I supposed to do? What the fuck does it want me to do?

Nevermind, I know what I'm supposed to do. The freaking universe has played me too many times. It's pulled me back and forth all my life.

I feel like a puppet on a string, being moved and directed by my master.

It's controlled me and controlled what I've done for so long. Too long.

How am I supposed to know my fate if it keeps changing?

I open the cafeteria door, and as always, that overwhelming feeling comes over me. I scan the cafeteria and spot Violet and everyone at our usual table. I walk over to them.

"Hey! There you are," she says.

"Hey." I greet all of them and take a seat across from her and Liam. I sit in the middle between James and Thomas.

They go back into their conversation. "You okay?" Thomas whispers to me.

I turn my head to him, "I'm fine." I lie. I'm not fine, of course, I'm far from fine. But I can't tell him the truth. He wouldn't understand.

"So, how did the whole project thing with Jessica go?" James asks me.

"Uhm, it went fine." I pick at my nails from under the table. I actually need to find her. I wonder if she found something we can do?

"Ugh, you really have to work with her?" Violet says bitterly.

"Uh yeah, I do. What's wrong with working with her?" I narrow my eyes.

"People are talking." James answers for her.

"Okay, I don't care,"

"You don't care?" Violet questions. "Jayda, people already talk about you, and now they are talking about you, even more, making up even more rumors," she says.

"You don't care that people are making rumors?" James asks.

"No, I don't. Because that's all they are, rumors."

"Are they?" Violet questions. Is she really starting to believe the things she's heard about me?

There no need to even respond to her question; I stand up from the table and grab my books. I walk across the cafeteria to the table Jessica is at. I can feel everyone watching me as I walk across the room. I don't care, though. I sit right in front of her. "Hey."

"Uh, hey." she looks around, trying to see if people are looking at us. They are. "What are you doing over here?" she asks me.

"I wanted to sit with you."

"You don't have to, Jayda," she says.

"I know," She gives me a small smile and pulls her hoodie off of her head.