You're Not Enough

Chapter 34

Why does the weekend go by so fast? I'm happy it did. My weekend was terrible, of course. But now, I have to face a long dreadful week.

I want to stay home today. My mind can't stop replaying yesterday night in my head. Ryder knows. He knows about the cuts; he knows about where I really was. And since he knows, that means the whole school knows. I deleted Twitter and Instagram. I can't bear to see what people are saying online about me. I know they're having a field day with this one.

I look at myself in my bathroom mirror. My eyes are red from all the crying after crying for about twenty minutes straight last night. I put the pizza into the refrigerator, cleaned up the living room, and went upstairs to my room. I cried myself to sleep. Then I woke up when I heard my mom come in, I knew it was her because she opened the door and called my name, but I didn't respond. I pretended I was asleep. I didn't want her to see me crying. I didn't want any questions. I heard her go into her room and then about, and an hour later, my dad returned home. He walked past my door and into their bedroom.

Maybe I should tell them about what happened; then, they would let me stay home. I know they would be mad, especially my father. He did tell me to say away from Ryder. I didn't listen, and now he knows the truth about me.

I grab my black scrunchy off of my sink and pull my hair into a messy bun. I look down at my outfit. I'm wearing my ripped black jeans and a black sweatshirt; this will have to do for today. I walk out of my bathroom, grab one of my rubber bands, and slide it onto my wrist. I reach under my bed and grab my shoebox; once I get it, I pull out my pills and take one out. I have two left now. I'm tempted to call Travis and ask him for more. But then I'll be doing exactly what he said I would do. I put the pill into my back pocket and walk out of my room. Downstairs I only see my mom; she's sitting at the dining table. She has on her black pants suit, with a purple shirt under her jacket.

"Hey, hun, you ready?" she asks.

"Uh, you're taking me to school? Where's dad?"

"He's upstairs, still sleeping."

"Really, he's still sleeping?" I raise my eyebrow; even though it's early, my dad is always up earlier, working or waiting for me.

"Yes, he is still sleeping. I guess that call wore him out." She says the words as if she is trying to convince herself. Why? Maybe they are still fighting.

"Anyway, do you not want me to take you to school?"

"No, no, it's fine."

She grabs the car keys off the rack. "Well, let's go then."

...

My mom drops me off across from the school. The school's front is packed as always, but today it feels like everyone's out front. As I walk up to the school, I ball my fist tightly. I can feel the sting in my palm as my nails dig into my skin.

All eyes on me as I get closer. People start to whisper and laugh. They know. I walk a little faster into the school with my head down. It's getting harder to breathe, and my chest hurts. I walk up the stairs tightly, holding onto the rail. If I let go, I will fall back.

I walk fast down the hallway to my locker. I open it up and throw my book bag inside. Laughter falls from the mouths of those around me, whispers also. I'm not looking at anyone, but I know they're looking at me. I grab my books for my morning classes and close the locker. When I turn around, Ashely is standing right in front of me along with Monica and a brunette girl whose name I don't know, but I've seen her before; she's on the cheerleading team.

"Look, I know you and Ryder have a little assignment together, but he's my boyfriend. He'll always be my boyfriend." She says what I already know. "So that whole little kiss you tried to pull on him yesterday... yeah, it didn't work because after he left you, he came straight to me. Telling me how you basically threw yourself at him."