You're Not Enough

Chapter 56

Rachel has a way with words. What she said really got me thinking.

Wouldn't it be better to die knowing you tried everything possible to live?

Maybe she's right; I mean, killing myself would just be giving up. I didn't listen to anything at the facility; I told the therapists there I was okay, I lied to them. I made it seem like I was ready to go home; I didn't honestly go through the program; everything they said went into one ear and out the other. The doctors knew it; Mr. Dale knew it.

Maybe if my dad never paid them to release me, I would still be there. Perhaps I would have started to really open up and be honest with the doctors, honest with myself.

I would've tried — I would've fought.

It's 5 o'clock; I reached the school on time. To reach the back of the school, it would be quicker to walk through the school and exit the doors in the back; the back doors in the gym lead onto the field. Or maybe I'll go around; that way, I can think about what I'm going to say to Travis. I decide to take a long way. I walk diagonally across the parking lot and to the back of the school.

I come upon the green football field; the team is practicing today; I'm far enough, so they won't see me. The bleachers should cover us. I look around, trying to spot Travis, I don't see him. I continue walking behind the bleachers farther down. I turn my head and look towards the field.

Coach Baker is yelling loudly; I can hear him all the way from here.

I don't think I could take someone yelling at me all day. I would cry. It probably sounds like I'm a freaking baby, but I don't care if someone yelled at me; I would.

"Princess Jayda." I hear Travis say dramatically from behind me. I turn around and look at him. He is wearing a black flannel shirt along with black jeans. His hair is messy, and he looks sweaty. He's probably high.

"Don't call me that." I snap. He walks closer to me.

"You don't like me calling you princess?"

I back away from him. "No," I say sternly.

"Well, damn. You're different when you're not strung out. You don't take my shit because you're not getting shit from me." he has a sly smirk on his face.

I blow my breath. "What am I doing here, Travis?"

"Okay, straight to business. As you know, that annoying teenage girl, what was her name... oh yea Kate."

"Katie," I correct him.

"Whatever, being as though we're no longer benefiting from each, I cut her off. She was getting a little too clingy and a little too comfortable," he says.

"Did you see her Monday?"

"Yes, that bitch came back after I told you to tell her not to. Don't worry, she said you did tell her, but she didn't believe you. But after throwing her ass out again, I'm pretty sure she'll think twice before believing you next time." he laughs to himself.

I don't laugh along; what he did to her was awful; how could someone be so cruel? "Did you rape her?" I blurt out.

He looks at me and smiles. "And why do you say that?"

"Because I found a used condom in the trash and because that's what you do." I snap. "You tried to rape me, and I was sober, so maybe you got her high and raped her," I say, spitting out my theory.

He moves closer to me. "Trust me, she got high because she wanted to get high; that's on her. We fucked because she wanted to fuck; that's also on her."