One-shots & Short Stories [Levi | Reader]

Drowning Sanity [Levi | Reader | Modern AU! | Drabble]

"Hey."

My head turns to look at the person that's suddenly appeared next to me on the line of stools in front of the bar. I think I'll be alone today, but obviously I'm wrong. Not that I mind, as long as the guy doesn't see me cry my eyes out.

"... hi." I greet lightly after a pause and raise my drink to my lips again. Even the bartender is not here tonight. The bar is all empty and all of a sudden this guy decides to appear. Well, I can't really care about that.

"You look like you're about to cry." He points out stiffly and I touch my cheek self-consciously, feeling the mascara that's already dripped down my face from the tears I've spilt earlier.

"... I'm guilty."

"You shouldn't be. Don't things happen for a reason?" He asks lightly and even though I'm not in the mood, I give him a slight glare before drowning my fourth drink for the night. The stars are shining and the sky is just so beautiful - I should be out there, walking around and smiling happily at the beauty that's put on display for me. Not in here, drinking like I am a legitimate alcoholic and talking to a guy about my emotional state.

"In this case the reason's me." I state harshly while pouring myself a fifth glass. The guy, although attractive and obviously here for a reason, doesn't even glance at the alcohol much less reach for it. Something tells me that's strange, but my mind and heart are in so much pain I don't even care.

"The reason cannot be you. As I said, everything happens for a reason. You can't stop fate. It's just meant to be that way and you know, reversing time and changing up shit won't work because for one - there is no actual way to go back in time yet and two - it won't help because you'll just mess up reality way worse." It's like he's tried and it hasn't worked - that's the manner of his speech as he tells me all those stuff.

"If it'll let me redo what I did wrong, why shouldn't it work? I mean, when you're so guilty what other choice do you have?" I ask, agitated and on edge. The man next to me sighs and I see the way his magnetic eyes skim the place before returning to mine. It makes my heart clench in my ribcage as I observe his features.

"... mourn." Is his only response.

"Mourn? What is that supposed to mean?" I inquire in an unbelieving way and he huffs lightly, as if already expecting that question.

"It means you get over it. You forget it." He explains plainly, like it's the most obvious thing on this world. I look down and wish I can chug this drink without feeling the stinging sensation in the back of my throat afterwards.

"I don't want to." I whisper and he tilts his head curiously.

"What is it that you did?" He questions. I fear that question. It makes me remember it all. All of it. I remember the lights, the sirens, the police, the blood. I remember the fire - it makes me scrunch my face up at the drink in front of me, for its colour resembles the one of the flames back then all too much for me to handle properly.

"... I killed a person." I choke out and he huffs as if that's the most normal thing he's ever heard in his life.

"Hm. That sounds somber." He notes afterwards as if I don't already know it. I feel like my life's beginning to sound like a novel, but I have no choice - I have to live it. I'd do a lot to change it, yet the opportunity is never given to me. Never.

"It wasn't supposed to happen. I- It's just... everything was going to be fine if I hadn't just called him." I explain in a pitiful way, making his eyebrows raise slightly in curiosity. His eyes shimmer amusedly as he presses on the topic, interested in what way a simple call can lead to a murder.

"Oh? Do tell." He says, now invested in my tale of sorrow and I sigh before my lips part.

"It's my fiancé. I called him earlier, not knowing he was currently driving home. When he didn't pick up I got worried, but I was later told that his eyes had been off the road when the collusion with another car occured. I suppose he was searching for his phone, so he could call me back. Only if I hadn't done it then... then he would be alive right now." I concluded with a gulp, feeling the tears about to escape my eyes once again when I meet his gaze. I drown my drink and pour another one before that happens. I can't cry now.

"And what if you're not at fault? What if he'd been reaching for something else? What if you really hadn't called him and he'd still crashed his car? Would you still be like this?" The man asks and when my pained gaze meets his I think he understand the message. With a sigh he shakes his head. "Why am I even asking. Of course, you will."

"What is it that you're trying to get at?" I ask a tad bit aggressively although he doesn't seem to be affected. I see the way he props his elbows on the bar and in a second, my drink is snatched from my hold.

"Forget him. Move on." He states sharply, coldly. My brain cannot register what I'm saying, but I know it's something that almost makes me cry again.

"I can't! I love him! And I'm the reason he died! He died in that car crash just yesterday because of me!" I exclaim, eyeing the man through my blurred vision and attempting not to cry yet. Not yet. Not by looking at his face, I can't do it right now.

"(Y/N)..." He says softly, gently, as if he's talking to a kid with a scraped knee. Maybe he'd have been if it wasn't for me. "It's been over a month." He announces just as tenderly and I look back at the bottle which I've almost dried completely in the past two hours. Or was it two days? I can't remember. I see him place my drink far away from me, but that's not important now.

"You don't get it, nobody does." I conclude somberly and he snorts as if knowing me better than I know myself. In all truthfulness, he does.

"I do, you're blaming yourself. But that's not right, you shouldn't be." He reassures softly, but that just makes me angrier. How can he be so passive about it?! How can he not scream or cry or get angry at me, too?!

"But I killed you, Levi!"

I see his eyes glimmer with something between pity and care before he huffs lightly. I know he realises he can't argue with me anymore, he always lost even if he'd been in the right and I'd been wrong all alone.

My head hurts and I close my eyes for a second - screaming is not a good idea. When I open then again, the room is empty - the bar is empty; and I'm once again all alone inside like I've been throughout the past month. Well, I do own the bar, do I not? I at least have the right to get drunk off of my own alcohol.

"... Levi?"

My lips tremble as I hopefully browse the place with my glassy eyes. I can't stand not seeing him, not hearing him. I can't. I can't live without him. I wait five minutes in complete silence that's only disrupted by my heavy breathing and sometimes muffled sobs. When he doesn't come I cup my face with my hands and the tears spill out of my eyes.

I'm alone. All alone. And no amount of alcohol can possibly change that.