A/n: This chapter is told in Jimin's POV
I sat down on my bed and stared at the pile of books in the corner of the room.
I had a lot, I mean A LOT of work to catch up on and revise, but I had no motivation to do it.
I had no motivation to live on.
Yes, I've thought about not living for the future. I just couldn't see anything to live for. Pain. That's all I'll ever feel. And hate. I'll hate myself that my friends would be worried about me... that Y/n would be worried about me.
It's too late to think about these things.
I let out a shaky breath as I stood up, going to take a shower.
Staring at the blade arms reach away from me, I wondered whether I should use it or not.
It felt wrong... but it felt so right at the same time.
I got hold of it, putting it against my skin lightly.
I froze and bit my lip.
I shouldn't do this...
But I've already done it enough. And I want more.
Tears rolled down my cheeks as I sliced my skin with the blade, the water in the shower tinting a light red.
When the pain became unbearable I stopped and threw the blade to the side, sobbing into my knees.
I hate my life... I hate everything.
I hate myself. I hate myself that I blame everything on myself. I hate it that I'm so weak and do everything wrong...
I hate it.
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In school I kept to myself. I couldn't put up an act. Not when I was like this.
Thank god Y/n seemed to get the message and left me alone. Because I wanted to be.
After school though, Y/n walked with me. But I didn't say a word.
"I can come over right?"
No... I wanted to be alone.
"Yeah?"
She held my wrist and I stopped walking, still staring at the ground.
"Come on... don't spend all of your time alone. You need a distraction."
Not wanting to deal with this, I tried pulling my wrist free but she only tightened her grip, but not too tight that it would hurt.
"Come on... please."
I sighed and nodded, pulling my wrist free, and she let me do it this time.
I carried on walking and she followed me from behind.
Going into my house, I flopped right onto the couch, exhausted.
"Have you eaten?" I kept silent.
She sighed and sat next to me, leaning her head on my shoulder.
I tensed up as she wrapped an arm around my waist.
"...What are you doing?" "...I don't want you to feel empty..." she murmured.
It was silent for a while until she spoke up. "You don't deserve any of this... you've done nothing wrong. You'll get better, I promise. I'll help you..."
I bit my lip feeling the guilt build up.
She didn't know how bad my situation was... and I have done something wrong. I harm myself... something any human should never do.
But I still do. Because it brings some sort of reassurance that everything isn't empty. And feeling that familiar pain is soothing in a weird type of way.
But, what I know is she can't help. I can't get better, I won't get better.
I never will. And I was sure of that.
And knowing me... I probably wouldn't be able to take it.
I'd probably want to end it.
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Smile for me || PJM.
FanfictionJimin goes abroad for a year but comes back completely different. -------------------------- ⚠️ WARNING ⚠️ • Angst • Eating disorder • Self-harm • Suicide attempts DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO THESE TOPICS