Smile for me || PJM.

fourty | guilt

A/n: This chapter is told in Jimin's POV

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I layed down, staring at the white ceiling.

I felt like shit.

Y/n was definitely acting weird, and I hated it. I hated that I was the cause of it.

I knew she has feelings for me, yet I did that... why did I even do that? I don't like her... right?

"-How can you love her when you don't even love yourself?"

They were right... I hate myself... I can't love.

I got up, getting the first aid kit to change my bandage. I took the one I had one off and stared at the cuts.

'self harmer'

That's what I am. I can't fight that, and I would know it for life, its scars were nothing compared to what I've done to myself.

Just then the door opened and I grabbed an antiseptic wipe to clean the wounds.

The bed dipped down next to me and I looked to my side to Taehyung.

He held onto my arm but I pulled it back.

He sighed and held onto it more firmly, taking the antiseptic wipe with his other hand.

He stopped and stared at my arm, and I looked away tears forming in my eyes.

I hated this. I hated everything.

Taehyung cleaned the wound then put a new bandage on it, putting the first aid kit away afterwards.

He then sat next to me again and looked at me, but I couldn't get myself to look at him.

I felt ashamed. And guilty that he had to worry about someone as useless as me.

"Jimin..." he said sadly and I couldn't take it anymore.

I got up but he stood up too and grabbed my wrist.

"...I want to be alone... please..." He sighed and slowly let go of my wrist, and I walked away into the bathroom, leaning against the locked door tears rolling down my cheeks.

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I went to school two days later when I got a little better.

Well, a little better as in not looking like a dead ghost.

At lunch I was walking to go outside but I felt someone hold onto my wrist.

"Aren't you gonna eat?" It was Y/n. "I'm not hungry" I said, not having the courage to turn around.

"Ok" she sighed and started walking ahead of me.

"You should eat" I said and she turned around.

"I'm fine, let's go." "Just go eat... don't skip lunch because of me." "I'm really not hungry."

I sighed and pulled her with me to the canteen.

"...What are you doing?" "Get something to eat" I left her in the line but she held onto my wrist.

"You eat too then." I didn't say anything and she pulled me next to her. I just kept quiet. I didn't want her to worry about me, so I'll just try to eat...

I managed to eat half of it, and that seemed to help her worry less.

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After school, I went home. I saw Taehyung there already chilling out in the couch and he looked at me when I walked in.

"Hey how was-" I walked past him and went upstairs, locking my bedroom door.

"Jimin?" he said from behind the door and I clenched my eyes shut.

"Jimin?" he said again then I asked, "Can you go..? Please..."

"...What's going on? You've been acting. strange"

"I'm just sick... I want to rest too..." "Stop lying. Open the door."

I let out a heavy breath then said, "Leave please... I want to be alone" "That's the thing! Why do you always want to be alone? We're right here and you're pushing us away, let us help..."

I clenched my fists then said, "I'm tired and sick, so let me sleep! Just go, I beg you!"

It was silent for a minute until a quieter voice spoke, "Ok... I'll leave... make sure you get a lot of rest, bye."

Footsteps were heard until it went quiet, and I slid down the door hugging into my knees and crying silently.

Why am I so damn weak? I have friends yet I have to worry them and make their lives miserable too...

It was fine before I was here... It was fine when I was abroad, out of their lives. They got used to it, and they moved on.

So...

It would be better if I wasn't here, right?

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A/n: I hate writers block 😣

Ah, I changed the book cover, ya'll like it?