Consumed By Pressure (Thiam TW)

Chapter 44: Typical Monday

TW: eating disorders, self-harm, suicidal thoughts

Liam woke up before his alarm went off; Theo was still asleep. He looked at his phone; it was six AM. They didn't have to leave for three hours; Liam pulled himself out of bed, careful not to wake Theo. He threw on a new sweatshirt, sweatpants and headed downstairs, staring at the door. He thought about running outside, but he also knew Theo would kill him. He started making coffee, sitting on the table staring into the darkness outside. He heard footsteps behind him and turned around looking at Mason.

"Hey," Liam looked over at his best friend.

"Couldn't sleep?"

"No, I still can't sleep right," Liam looked at him.

"I figured; just between you and me, how are doing? Actually, you know I know when you lie to me, human or not."

Liam sighed, "It's better, actually like I want to get better, but it's hard."

"I know it is, and you are going to get through this. How do you feel, not what do you think you should feel?"

Liam glanced at the ground, "I don't know. I can't get over it; I'm getting better for you guys. I don't want treatment. I just can't do it."

Mason looked over at his best friend; he could see if him holding back tears. "I figured; I think getting yourself healthy again, might help you get into a better mindset, but I also think you really do need help with this. Just talk to someone."

"I talk to you guys."

"I know Liam, but I think you need to talk to someone. You and I both know you have been struggling with this since your dad."

"You're right," Liam looked at him, "but like with my IED it's real this is all just in my head."

"And all the more real, Liam this isn't something that you can overpower on your own. It's a disease just like getting sick."

"Mason, I can't stop my life for this; do you know what taking lacrosse from me would do to me?"

"I know, Liam, but I don't think dying is going to help you either. Suffering your entire life isn't the life you want to live either. You take some time off and then you'll be over this forever."

"I don't think it will work that way."

"Okay, I know you are going to try to pull some stunt at the doctor's today. I'm going to give you a recommendation; you don't want outpatient treatment right?"

Liam nodded, unsure of what Mason was going to say.

"I don't want you to get worse by doing it. I know physically it is the best, but mentally I know it is not for you. I think you should explain to them; you cannot do it with school, lie that you aren't doing lacrosse right now. Yes, Liam, I am telling you to lie, but I swear you pass out again. I will take you, inpatient, myself. You need to fall their treatment plan, weekly checkups whatever, I will go with you if you want. Then, I want you to see a therapist."

Liam looked at Mason, "really, you're agreeing with me?"

"Liam, I want what's best for you, not what someone thinks is best for you. I want you to do what is best for you."

"Thanks, Mas for always having my back."

"Since we were five, and you always have mine," Mason smiled at his best friend, "do you want me to go in with you?"

"Do you think Theo will mind?"

"I'm pretty sure you could kill Theo, and he wouldn't care if it meant the best for you."