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"She was born from darkness itself, it was woven in her bones and carved in her heart. She was the Light born from Darkness, because all stars are born in the dark. She was Cassiopeia Lestrange."
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"Hi, I'm Cassiopeia, call me Cassi. My friends...
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CASSI DIDN'T KNOW what to think or feel. She just couldn't take it. She hadn't healed from Sirius's death yet, and she was losing another person already. It felt like she was in a never-ending hole of pain, whenever she felt like she was going to escape now, something bad happen which drags her down to the bottom again.
She never thought she would lose Dumbledore, he was just there every time she needed him. She couldn't imagine him not being there in her life at all. Cassi thought that she had Dumbledore to guide her every time she lost direction, it was impossible to imagine him not being there. To Cassi, death never seemed like a possibility for him. He always had a solution to every problem and every thing. There was no way that he couldn't have a solution to this problem.
The next morning, Cassi didn't go for breakfast and directly went to attend the classes. She hadn't forgotten that Harry saw her yesterday in Dumbledore's office and in that state. He must have millions of questions in mind and she had no intention to giving answers to them. And she knew that Hermione would be looking for her to tell whatever Harry told her about yesterday night. Cassi didn't wanted to face anyone, so she avoided everyone.
Daphne didn't asked her questions, but kept an eye on her every time, for which Cassi was very grateful. She stopped going into the Great Hall at all, and ate in her dorm only. Draco asked her a few questions to which Cassi lied. Hermione had tried to reach her, but after her talk with Daphne she stopped. Cassi guessed, Daphne told her to give her space and that she'll come around.
Cassi did everything to keep her mind busy and to not think of Dumbledore or her sad life. She busied herself in her books day and night, not stopping once. Cassi was carrying herself very tightly, she didn't allowed herself be happy or to even smile, because that meant she was feeling something. And she wasn't ready to feel anything. Because if she allowed herself to feel then, she sure that all the pain and hurt she had locked inside would come crashing down on her, and she was sure she won't be able to survive that.
Numbness, that was what she wanted now. She wanted to be numb. She didn't wanted to feel anything.
She didn't wanted to be human.
Locking her emotions deep inside her heart helped her to pretend in front of others that she was fine. But she couldn't lie to herself. No matter how hard she tried, she wasn't able to trick her mind into believing that she was 'okay'. The pain felt raw inside her, and the more she tried to subdue it, the more it became painful.
She was slowly losing herself.
Even smallest of triggers had the capability to break her apart, and she hated it. She hated feeling like this. Her mind was a chaotic place, and she felt trapped inside her mind.
