Anyone but You :: soonhoon

ABY :: 88

*soonyoung*

"you moron! i dont have a son as fag as like you! you are not my son!"

i held my head low as i cover my face from his attack. from left, to right, from the top, to bottom, from the back to front. everything he had to gave me, i accepㅡmy body accepted. no matter how painful it was, no matter how it stings, no matter how it may cause me aftermath, i dont care. i condemn, i used, i was trained.

i was crying each and every night of my existence. since i was born, i was so used to this. this wasnt new to me, but i admit that those attack are still create a huge pain in my bodyㅡno, even in my heart, mentally, emotionally, everything. but do i have a choice?

she died because of me. . i was blaming myself to that, but when i saw my mom's handwritten letter to me makes a range inside of me boiled in no time. right now, i was blaming my father for everythingㅡdo i really have to call and treat him with honorship? a father, really? he didnt even treat me as a part of his family.

he did. . but as a slaveㅡno, a maidㅡno a slaveㅡno a maidㅡno, both. everything. everything. for my whole existence, i was like begging for their attentions, begging for their care, begging for their love, begging for everything they couldn't give me. hah! who am i again? ah an illegitimate child of his from another womanㅡmy mother! who am i do deserve everything i was needing and begging for? nothing.

but despite of that, i still manage to live. i know i wasnt existing anymore, i was just living for the sake of my mom's wish. she wished me that no matter what happened, ill continue living. no matter how cruel the world was on my side, i need to keep living. i must. i have. i dont have a choice but to do the things that could make her happyㅡthere in the heaven. i need to live big for her.

she is my guardian angel. she may be not here with me physically, but i know that she was here spiritually and i know she was supporting me to whatever i may become. . and maybe she also gave me. . a man like jihoon. lee jihoon.

"shut your mouth up seokmin or you'll gonna see a flying guitar later?!"

i couldnt help but to laughed at how he cussed to his friends who're being too loud and being amicable towards the other students. he's so cute. im plussed. i couldn't say anything but cute. he really were. he was like a keychain i wanna put on my pocket.

i wasnt as straight as they expected. thats why my fatheㅡoh that man really are despising me to hell since he knows that i was watching some gay videos thereㅡits wasnt porn yet he cussed saying that i was gay. well, i am. i really am.

"you like him?" mr. han asked as he pointed out at jihoon who are busy talking to bumzu hyung. he must be noticed that i was staring at him a little longer now.

i nodded. "help me mr. han to get close to him." i said still looking at him. he jerked his head on my direction and i smiled once our eyes met, but he rolled his eyes. mr. han laughed at me. geez.